Month: April 2024

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I remember one night having a dream about my teeth falling out. I was anxious about starting this blog, and my dream was letting me know I needed to address this. Psychologist Sigmund Freud described dreams as the road to the unconscious. Often, our dreams give us information from our unconscious mind that can help us resolve an issue in our waking life. The reason I was having this dream was because I felt afraid. However, I did not allow my fear to stop me. The most effective method to overcoming fear involves acknowledging it, identifying the source, shifting your attention, and facing it.

The Brain’s Fear Center

One of the reasons humans experience fear is because of a small region in our brain known as the amygdala. It is responsible for processing emotions such as fear. It plays an essential role in our survival and helps signal potential threats. I’ll admit feeling afraid is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t make it a bad emotion. According to psychologist Emma McAdam, our emotions serve three functions. They warn, motivate, and connect us. My emotion was warning me about a perceived threat.

The Source of Fear

The source of my fear was causing me to doubt myself. I noticed I was not as excited about the blog. I felt more anxious about how people would respond. I started to question myself and procrastinate more. I even faced writer’s block. It was clear the source of my fear was the approval of others and the limiting beliefs I had of myself. Once I realized that the way I was thinking was causing me to experience anxiety, I shifted my focus. I reassured myself that my blog holds valuable content, and it will resonate with the right audience.

Choose Courage

When I started focusing on the possibilities of making a positive impact, it motivated me to move forward. There are two types of motivations in psychology. The action we take to achieve a goal is known as approach motivation. The action we take to avoid an outcome is known as avoidance motivation. Although avoidance can help alleviate our fears in the short term, the fear remains until we confront it.

Courage is essential to confronting our fears. Exposure therapy can be helpful in this situation. The idea is that as we get more exposure to what we fear, our anxiety lessens in the long run. Before starting this blog, there were many times I found the courage to confront my fear. Having overcome my fears in the past, I felt more confident I would succeed with this blog.

Final Thoughts

It is human nature to feel afraid from time to time. Instead of allowing this fear to stop us, we acknowledge that it is there. Next, we identify the source of the fear. Then, we refocus our attention. Finally, we confront the fear. The idea of starting a blog was exciting yet scary for me. I was able to face this fear because I realized that desire was more important than fear. The desire to help people was all the motivation I needed to start my blog.

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According to a study, most regrets were education at thirty-two percent, career at twenty-two percent, and romance at fifteen percent. Regrets we have can bring up feelings of sadness, shame, remorse, or even helplessness. Although these feelings can be uncomfortable, they can serve us. The place in which our regrets lie often reveals the values we hold. Although it may be tempting to ruminate on the regrets, it can prevent you from moving forward. The best ways to deal with regret include identifying the regret, clarifying the value, and living by the value.

Overcoming Shame

Shame can be a barrier to letting go of regret. We might feel shame from a past mistake we made. The path to healing shame involves sharing it with people we trust. Shame dies in the light. When we share our shame, it loses its power over us. We are not our mistakes, and the right people will be able to support us in moving forward. It might also be helpful to make amends and apologize for past indiscretions. This process might require that we extend ourselves some grace. When we find ourselves self-loathing, we can practice self-compassion. Although experiencing regrets can be challenging, we can move past them and use our experiences to teach others.

Letting Go of the Past

Rumination can be another obstacle that prevents us from moving forward. We get stuck when we dwell on the past. You cannot change the past. Imagine if you could change the past. What lessons would you have missed out on? The past is there to teach you. You can use it as a way to learn and move in the direction you want to go.

One way to deal with rumination is to be mindful. We often suffer more in imagination than reality. The best way to stay present is to take a few deep breaths. It can also be helpful to write out how we feel. This exercise activates our prefrontal cortex, which helps us regulate our emotions. Once we have worked through regret, we can shift our focus to what we value. The values we hold can move us in the right direction.

Living A Values-Based Life

While listening to the podcast Therapy in a Nutshell, Psychologist Emma McAdam provided an example of how we can do this. One regret could be staying in an unhealthy relationship. In this situation, the value could be self-respect. The action that aligns with this value is setting boundaries. I have found this exercise to help me to deal with past regrets. There was a time when I allowed fear to keep me from trying new things. I recognized my value was courage. Today, I allow courage to guide my choices.

Regrets can become challenging when we allow shame and rumination to take over. Instead, we can use our regret as a signal that we are off course and redirect our attention to what we value. This shift will allow us to move in the direction we want to go. The next time you regret something from the past, write down what the regret is. Stay present with your feelings and seek support if needed. Next, redirect your focus to what you value. Finally, make choices that align with your values.