December, 2024 - Mental Inventory

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is a concept I once misunderstood. I thought that by being kind to myself, I was being dishonest about how great I was. But I soon realized that denying my greatness was not being honest either. In this post, I want to share what self-compassion is and is not. I encourage you to practice self-compassion more, as it can be instrumental in accepting who you are.

My Worth is Innate

Self-compassion is not just about saying nice things to feel better about my failures. It is about acknowledging that I can have failures and still be a worthwhile person. I am learning not to measure my worth by failure or success. I am not less worthy when I fail or more worthy when I succeed. Despite my failures, I am worthy, and no amount of success can make me worthy. Self-compassion taught me that my worth is innate.

I Have Flaws

Self-compassion is not about denying my flaws. It is about accepting my flaws as part of who I am. My imperfections make me more relatable and real. When I strive to be perfect, I become less authentic. It is through my imperfections that I can grow. I have strengths and weaknesses. Neither is better than the other. I benefit from both.

My Standards

Self-compassion is not setting the bar low. It is about creating a standard that works for me and not against me. Expectations based on someone else’s standards can be damaging. I do not need to measure up to who people expect me to be. I can live by who I want to be. Who I want to be is more important than who I think I should be.

My Emotions

Self-compassion is not about avoiding painful emotions. It is about accepting how I feel. It is easy to embrace emotions that are deemed positive, such as happiness. But I do not always feel happy. I feel sad sometimes. Self-compassion teaches me to appreciate all emotions because each carries valuable insights. While emotions do not define me, they have helped me to understand the world around me.

Final Thoughts

Self-compassion has helped me to have a more loving and honest relationship with myself. Through this self-love journey, I better understand what self-compassion is and how important it is. Self-compassion is rooted in love. Love is kind. I hope this post inspires you to be more kind to yourself.

What Have You Learned This Year?

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This year has flown by fast, and while I look forward to the new year, I appreciate all that 2024 has taught me and given me. I hope with the new year approaching, you will take some time to reflect on this past year. The year 2024 has been transformative. I want to share how this year has helped me grow.

The Power Within

In the past, I felt powerless, but this year has helped me to see how strong I am. I am not strong because I can get through challenging things. I am strong because I realize that external things don’t have to dictate how powerful I feel. I focus on what I can control, and this is where my power lies. My power lies in my ability to shift my perspective, take action, and remain hopeful. Yes, this year has helped me to reclaim my power.

The Gift of Solitude

I spent most of this year alone. While I did experience loneliness at times, I also found great solace in dedicating time to my blog. Expressing my passions through writing has brought me joy while sharing insights with others has given me purpose. Solitude has also provided me with clarity about who I am and what I want. I now pursue life more intentionally, using quiet moments to set goals and reflect on my journey. This time has allowed me to evaluate my relationships and, more importantly, to embrace the gift of solitude.

Let Go of the Past, Keep the Lessons

This year has helped me to heal from the past. I have learned that how someone treats me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and not a reflection of my worth. I have learned that people have limitations that prevent them from showing up in a way that I need them. I have learned the importance of choosing people who align with my values. I have learned to be more open about my needs. I have learned to let go of unhelpful beliefs to move to a greater place. More importantly, I have learned that I am always worthy.

My Worth Is Innate

I have learned that my worth is internal and not external. It is not dependent on how someone treats me. It is not dependent on how I look, where I live, how much money I make, or how many friends I have. My worth is dependent on my ability to recognize it. I am worthwhile because I am a human being. I am worthy because I have a life. I am worthy, regardless of what others may think. As long as I live, I will be worthy.

Emotions Are Temporary

There were moments throughout the year when I felt sad, disappointed, and even anxious. Although it was hard to deal with these feelings, I knew what I felt was temporary. I recognized these emotions reminded me of what I wanted in my life. These emotions motivated me to change. Instead of judging my feelings, I allowed myself to sit with each emotion. As I began to process my emotions, I gained insight into what I could do differently. When I changed my actions, the way I felt changed. I felt happier because I made choices that aligned with my values.

Taking the Lessons into 2025

I am grateful for all the lessons this past year has taught me. I look forward to bringing these lessons into the new year. I do not know what 2025 holds, but I hope it does not fall short of amazing! This year brought lessons, and I hope next year will bring blessings. With the new year approaching, I invite you to reflect by answering the following questions:

What did I learn this year?
How would I describe this year in one word?
What do I desire for the new year?

Happy New Year!!

How to Have Joy During the Holidays?

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Although the holidays tend to be the happiest time of year for me, I recognize that, for some people, this time can bring sadness—from grief to seasonal depression. The holidays are not a joyful time for everyone, and I want to take a moment to say that however you feel, it is valid. It is okay not to feel happy, even during this season. Fortunately, grief and joy can coexist, and you can still find moments of joy despite how you feel. To help with that, I want to share some things that may bring you more joy this season.

Gratitude

Thanksgiving is often seen as a time to reflect on what you are grateful for, but gratitude isn’t limited to this holiday. It is something that you can practice every day. It is showing thanks in the small things such as being able to enjoy a meal. Or in the big things like being alive another day. Gratitude is how you can invite more joy into your life. Gratitude is what keeps you hopeful when times are tough. Gratitude helps you to have a more positive outlook on life. When you can learn to be grateful despite your circumstances, you experience more joy.

Do Something You Enjoy

Another way to experience more joy during the holidays is by doing what you love. For me, a cup of hot chocolate and a good Christmas movie work wonders, but what brings you joy might be different. It could be decorating a Christmas tree, cooking a warm meal, or even something completely unrelated to the holidays. The holidays are yours to shape—you can choose which traditions to follow, what food you want to enjoy, and how you want to spend your time. If it brings you joy, then do it. You have every right to have joy.

The Power of Giving

Giving is another way to experience joy. Giving is not just about spending money; it involves serving those who need it. Sometimes, giving to others can remind you how impactful you can be in someone’s life. This realization can help take your mind off yourself and on how you can make a difference. Seeing joy in others can help you to find joy from within.

Prioritize Connection

As the days grow colder and the nights longer, it is tempting to stay in. However, getting enough sunlight and maintaining connections are important during this time. One way to stay connected with yourself is by prioritizing your physical and mental health. If you are struggling, consider making an appointment with a therapist for support. Also, stay connected with others—whether attending a holiday party at work, calling a friend, or spending time with family. These connections are essential to your well-being.

Closing

The holidays are typically a time of celebration, but not everyone enjoys this time of year. If you feel sad during this time, I hope you know you are not alone and it is okay to feel sadness. I also hope you can find joy in practicing gratitude, doing things you love, giving to others, and staying connected. Happy Holidays! Wishing you joy this season!

What Dating Advice Do You Find Helpful?

While I enjoy watching dating shows for entertainment, I’ve learned to also watch for relationship advice. One piece of advice I liked came from Married at First Sight, where the concept of “growing in love” was introduced. It made me realize that love isn’t something you fall into; it’s something you can grow into. This advice is just one of many lessons I’ve picked up from dating shows, and I’d love to share more of these insights with you.

Grow in Love

The concept of growing in love was new to me. I had never heard that phrase before. I have always heard that you fall in love as if love is something that happened unintentionally. But hearing that I can grow into love helped me to see that love can be intentional. I value the intentionality of loving someone as a conscious choice. Love is not just a feeling; it is an action. Unlike falling in love, I can choose to love someone through my actions. I can grow in love by committing to journey through life with someone who fits where I am going.

Be Interested not Interesting

When it comes to dating, even I worry about if the person will like me. If you focus on being interesting and not interested, it can prevent you from being yourself. Authenticity is what makes you attractive to the right person. If who you are does not interest someone, they might not be the right match for you. Rather than trying to be interesting, focus on being interested. Be yourself and get to know the person to see if you’re interested. By showing genuine interest, you are more likely to find your match not just because they like you but because you like them.

Show Vulnerability

One important part of a relationship is intimacy. It often requires vulnerability to build a close connection with someone. When you can share your weaknesses, your emotions, hopes, and dreams, this creates a deep connection. Vulnerability is not something that you rush. It is something that you can build over time.

Trust is vital to building vulnerability in relationships. When it comes to opening up, start small. Take note of how the person responds. Are they accepting and understanding? Do they offer support or show empathy? Do they respect your boundaries? Are they patient with you? If they answer yes to these questions, this is a huge indication of a trustworthy person.

Know What You Want

Before you reach a destination, you need to know how to get there. Knowing what you want is like having good direction. It can help guide you to the right person. A practical approach is to list your wants, needs, and dealbreakers. When you have this list, you can use it to pick more intentionally. Often, in the early stages of dating, you might experience so much excitement that you forget what you need and want. Dating involves more than just following a checklist; it’s about having something concrete to refer to when feelings run high.

Find Someone You Can Fully Accept

When choosing a partner, it is essential to consider whether you can fully accept them as they are. Can this person meet your needs? Fit into your life? Align with your values?

A common mistake in dating is investing in someone who can not fulfill your needs or wants. Unmet needs often result in a lack of fulfillment, while unmet expectations can lead to resentment. Before committing, take time to assess your compatibility. Do they share your core values? Does their vision align with your dreams?

Trust Your Gut

When it comes to choosing your person, trust yourself. There is peace that you have when you meet the right person. You have a calmness in their presence. You feel safe when you are around them. More importantly, you feel at home.

To Conclude

If you are anything like me and enjoy dating shows, I hope you find one that gives good advice. If not, I hope this blog post helps you learn more about dating and being in a relationship. To recap, here are the five tips for dating and relationships:

Grow in love

Be interested, not interesting

Show vulnerability

Know what you want

Find someone you can fully accept

Trust your gut

What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I find myself stuck in the past, and I recognize that it is a sign of unhealed trauma. I told myself stories that exacerbated the pain. I realize that I have the power to change the storyline. I can write a story with a good ending. I can write a motivational story. I can choose a theme of resilience. I can work on character development. I could even have a co-writer. I recognize that to heal meant changing the way I write my story.

The Story

I believe holding onto a story gave me a false sense of safety. I felt safe thinking that people could hurt me. It made it easier to keep my guard up. But what I wanted more than anything was to receive love. How can someone receive love if their heart isn’t open? I tell myself that I can’t trust people. I told myself that I would be disappointed. I convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. The theme of my story was powerless. The title was “I am scared!”

A New Story

I personalized negative experiences because of unresolved trauma. I did not recognize that I had the power to change. I also believed that change was too hard. That is when having a co-writer helped me to change my story. I started by opening up about how I felt and allowing positive and supportive people to help me reframe my story. On my own, I could not write another story, but with the help of another person, I could write a story of resilience, power, love, and hope.

Character Development

My story needed character development. I was a victim of trauma and could not see myself outside that role. I became a victim of my circumstances. Now, I was becoming a victim of my story. Although life had improved, I still held onto painful experiences. I recognized that I needed to change how I saw myself. I began to tap into my power. It was not easy. I knew that the story I used to tell myself did not serve me anymore. I changed my story to “I got through it.” “Because I got through it, I can now have better.”

Edits

Like a book, there are still things that need editing. I am still working on letting go of the past. My story now is that I am on my way. I have come so far. I can look forward to what is to come. The themes of my story are power, resilience, love, and hope. The title is The Power in Me.

What Self-Care Practices Do You Have?

I came across a quote that I liked. It says self-care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. You cannot afford to not take care of yourself. Like a car, neglect can lead to a breakdown. The role of self-care is to keep your tank full so that you can function at your highest capacity. A car cannot go far on an empty tank. Similarly, you can not be all you can be if you neglect yourself. I want to share some self-care practices I hope you can implement daily to keep your tank full.

Breathe

Self-care is not just about spending money on a massage. It is about engaging in activities that are inexpensive and beneficial to your well-being. It can start with taking a deep breath. When you take time to breathe, you give yourself the chance to pause. When you pause, you allow yourself to gain clarity. You also become fully present with yourself. While you take a deep breath, ask yourself what you need right now. By asking yourself this question, you make a conscious effort to meet your needs.

Journal

Another great way to check in with yourself is through journaling. When you have time alone, it is good to self-reflect, process your emotions and recognize patterns. Journaling is not only a valuable self-care practice, but it is also an excellent tool for self-discovery. Guided journals are very helpful for gaining insight into yourself. Knowing yourself is crucial in being able to meet your needs. You can also freely write about your day, what you are grateful for, or the goals you may want to achieve. Making journaling a part of your daily life is one of the best ways to stay connected with yourself.

Boundaries

If you want a better relationship with yourself, it starts with saying no. A “No” to others is a “Yes” to you. It’s great to be a giving person. But that doesn’t just apply to others. It applies to you. Allow yourself to say no to things you do not want to do. It might not be easy to do, but it is necessary to keep your tank full. Constantly giving to others without self-care can leave you depleted. You want to set boundaries with others to ensure you give from a full tank.

Nurture Your Body

Taking care of your physical health is a form of self-care. When you exercise, you care for your body. Exercising throughout the week helps you have more energy and improves your mood. Eating more fruits and vegetables can be another way to nurture your body. The Mediterranean diet can serve as a guide to help you make healthier eating choices. Last but not least, getting adequate sleep every day is essential in recharging your body.

Spiritual Practices

Self-care can also involve spending time in nature, praying, or meditating. These spiritual practices can be beneficial in helping you to stay connected to something bigger than yourself. Spending time in nature can improve mood. The next time you feel down, consider going for a ten-minute walk. Daily prayer can also help you to connect to God and provide inner peace and clarity. Lastly, meditation can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Although these are popular spiritual practices, there are many others you can explore.

Final Takeaway

I hope that now that you know what self-care looks like, you can start implementing these practices. Self-care is the best way to keep your tank full. Remember, self-care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. Make sure that you are making time to take care of yourself.

How Compatible Are You with Someone?

One reason some relationships last while others fade is because of compatibility. While physical attraction might spark the connection, it isn’t enough to sustain a long-term relationship. Equally important are shared values, long-term goals, humor, acceptance, and open communication. Being compatible in these areas can be instrumental in maintaining long-lasting relationships.

Physical Attraction

The attraction you have towards someone can determine the level of compatibility you have with them. Physical attraction is the initial spark you have when you first meet. It is the smile you cannot contain when you are around them. It is that electric feeling you have when they touch you. It is the butterflies in your stomach when your eyes lock. It is the gaze that lingers. While physical attraction is important, it is not the only factor in compatibility.

Similar Values and Shared Long-Term Goals

Similar values and shared goals are crucial in maintaining long-lasting relationships. Asking questions about core values, goals, and dreams early on can help determine compatibility. Knowing each other’s long-term aspirations can reveal whether your paths align. Can the person walk beside your dreams, or do your goals conflict? The right partner will fit into your life. Your values or dreams will not be compromised when you are with someone who fits your future.

Acceptance

As the person is, can you accept them? Compatibility is choosing people who have what you want and need. If you want someone to change for you, you might be disappointed. People generally change because they want to. Make a list of what you want and need in a person. When you meet someone you are interested in, use that list to guide you. Being with someone you can completely accept is an essential aspect of compatibility.

Similar Humor

You may have heard laughter is the best medicine. Laughing together is part of keeping the relationship fun and lighthearted. But to do this, it helps to share a similar sense of humor. Having someone who can appreciate your sense of humor can improve your relationship. It is a great way to handle and reduce stress in relationships. A person you can laugh with is priceless and a great indication of compatibility.

Open Communication

Relationship experts often emphasize the importance of communication. It is a skill that can improve the success of a relationship. Communication plays a crucial role in resolving conflicts in relationships. Knowing each other communication styles can help you identify how compatible you are. Communication is not just about what you say. It is about how you listen. Being understanding, empathetic, and respectful sets the tone for a healthy conversation. You might not always agree, but being willing to understand can make a difference.

Conclusion

In conclusion, being compatible with someone goes beyond physical attraction. It is about being with someone you enjoy and can build a life together. Similar values, shared long-term goals, humor, acceptance, and open communication are all vital in measuring compatibility. These are all crucial factors to consider when building a long-term relationship.

What Stage Is Your Relationship In?

Singles anticipating a new relationship might fantasize about the honeymoon stage, but there are many stages of relationships. Navigating each stage of love can make or break a couple. Not everyone makes it to the final stage, which is essentially a commitment to spending life together. Here are the stages of relationships.

The Honeymoon Stage

This stage often feels the most exciting for many couples and typically lasts up to 2 years. In this stage, you find yourself overwhelmed by positive emotions. You enjoy spending time with them. You miss them when they are gone. You can’t stop thinking about them. You have a strong attraction to them. You might see their faults, but they might not bother you.

The Crisis Stage

You may have heard of the seven-year itch. This stage often occurs after 5-7 years together. The excitement you felt in the beginning is wearing off. Those things you overlooked earlier are starting to create conflict in the relationship. This stage is the make-or-break-it stage. Being able to manage conflict is crucial at this stage. You either recognize your differences as an opportunity for deeper understanding or a sign of incompatibility. Although this stage can be challenging, it does not last forever.

The Commitment Stage

I choose you. This stage does not just happen when you say I do. It is a commitment to say I do to the relationship every day. You commit to being together through the ups and downs. Your relationship is stronger because of the challenges you have gone through. You have a strong understanding of your partner and a sense of security in the relationship. You are in for life.

I Choose You

When it’s real, it’s forever. You know you have someone special when you can go through every stage together and still say I choose you. Although couples enjoy the honeymoon stage, it isn’t the only stage. Being able to adapt to every stage is the ultimate test of your commitment to each other.

How to Reparent Yourself?

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Your childhood plays a crucial role in shaping who you become as an adult. Your experiences during these years shape your beliefs, behaviors, and self-worth, with your relationship with your parent playing a key role in how you view yourself. Unfortunately, if you didn’t have parents who provided guidance, love, and protection, you may carry unresolved childhood wounds into adulthood. One way to heal these wounds is through the process of reparenting yourself.

Develop Self-Love

The love that you deserve is not limited to what you received as a child. When you have been emotionally neglected as a child, this can cause you to feel inadequate, insecure, and unlovable. Although this is a false perception, it can be difficult for adults with these wounds to challenge these beliefs. Your parents may have played a role in how you see yourself then, but you play a role in how you see yourself now. You are worthy and deserving of love.

Be The Parent You Needed

When you think about your childhood, what was lacking? Was it protection, love, or guidance? Once you have the answer, consider how you can fulfill those needs. For instance, if you lacked protection during childhood, how can you protect yourself in adulthood? This can mean setting boundaries, speaking up for yourself, and surrounding yourself with supportive people. If love from your parents was lacking, consider some self-care practices. If guidance from your parents was lacking, find a mentor, a therapist, or a pastor who can support you.

Grieve The Parent You Didn’t Have

The final stage of grief is acceptance, but before you can get here, it is important to process how you feel. How did it feel to be neglected or abandoned as a child? How did it feel to be unprotected by your parents? How did it feel to be invalidated? How did it feel to be unsupported? What emotions are coming up for you? Is it anger, sadness, disguise, or disappointment? Allow yourself to feel those emotions. I would also suggest processing this with a trusted person because grief can be heavy. Allow your inner child to be heard. You deserve to express your pain. You deserve to release the pain you have been carrying around for years.

Cultivate Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships are essential to reparenting, as they provide a positive example of how relationships should be. Through these relationships, you realize that your parent’s inability to meet your needs reflects their capacity and not your worth. You were always worthy, even if you did not receive the love you needed as a child. Having positive and supportive people can help you heal your inner child by creating an environment where you feel safe, understood, and worthy of love. Healthy relationships can help you develop new belief systems and patterns of behaviors that serve you in a positive way. You learn that as an adult you have a choice about who you develop a relationship with. You also recognize that building healthy relationships is the catalyst to healing your inner child.

Transformative Journey

In conclusion, reparenting is a transformative process where you take on the role of the supportive, loving parent you may not have had during childhood. You show up for yourself by developing self-love, meeting your needs, processing your emotions, accepting what was and cultivating healthy relationships. Ultimately, reparenting empowers you to become the person you needed growing up. As you become this person, you begin to heal your childhood wounds.