Month: September 2024

Why Do You Settle for Less?

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If you believe you deserve everything you desire, why settle? People often settle due to fear, a scarcity mindset, low self-esteem, and the desire for instant gratification. Instead of settling, know that you are worthy of having what you want, have faith that what you want is possible, take action to get what you want, and wait for what you want to show up.

Fear of Change

One of the reasons that people settle is because of fear. Some people stay in relationships that are unhealthy because they are afraid of being alone. Some people remain at unfulfilling jobs because they are afraid of uncertainty. Some people do not follow their dreams because they are scared of failing. It is natural to fear change. But change is often needed to get to where you want to be. Instead of being afraid, have faith that what you want is possible. You can have better relationships. You can have a job that you love. You can fulfill your dreams.

Scarcity Mindset

A scarcity mindset might be another reason people settle. You might believe having something is better than having nothing. Settling for less than what you deserve only reinforces the belief that you are not worthy of what you want. Self-limiting beliefs prevent us from having what we want. It can also lead to disappointment and regret. Rather than having a scarcity mindset, develop an abundance mindset. There are enough opportunities to go around. No one can take away what belongs to you. If it is for you, you will receive it.

Low Self-Esteem

Another reason that people settle is because of low self-esteem. When someone has low self-esteem, they don’t believe they can have what they want. Subsequently, they accept less than they deserve because of their low self-worth. Your self-worth is innate. You are a human being, and that alone makes you worthy. Whether they are goals, dreams, relationships, or opportunities, remember that you are worthy of what you desire. Once you know you are worthy, have the patience to wait for what you want instead of accepting whatever shows up.

Instant Gratification

Instant gratification is another reason people settle. It might initially feel great to settle for a casual relationship instead of waiting for a deeper connection. It may initially feel great to stay at a job you are comfortable at instead of starting your own business. It may initially feel great to splurge on shopping instead of saving for a down payment on a house. The problem with instant gratification is that it only fulfills you in the short term. Instead, consider delayed gratification. Be willing to make decisions that are hard in the short term but pay off in the long run. It might take longer to fulfill a particular desire, but it is often worth the time and effort.

Final Thoughts

You might have a dream that you have been thinking about pursuing or desire for a fulfilling relationship. Whatever you want, know that you are worthy of having it, have faith that what you want is possible, take action, and wait for what you want to show up. Do not give into fear or impatience while pursuing your desires. What is for you is coming, and it is worth the wait.

What Are Your Triggers? 

One night, I was cooking salmon when the smoke detector went off. As the alarm beeped loudly, I also heard, Fire, fire! I immediately panicked, thinking there was a real fire. I quickly looked around, searching for flames, but soon realized there was no actual fire. The stove was just too high, and the smoke triggered the alarm. Just like a smoke detector, we all have triggers. Sometimes, our triggers affect how we see reality. You probably heard that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. But that’s not always the case. Even if we perceive danger, it doesn’t mean we are in danger.

Identifying Your Triggers

We all have triggers; it is a natural part of being human. Instead of trying to eliminate them, the key is to become aware of them. For instance, I learned that if the heat on the stove was too high, it could trigger the smoke detector. Rather than getting rid of the smoke alarm, I monitored the heat on the stove. Similarly, it is important to monitor what causes us to react. A look, a new environment, or a confrontation can trigger us. By being aware of our triggers, we can prepare ourselves to respond rather than react.

Setting Boundaries

Have you ever looked back on a situation and realized you may have overreacted? Most of us can probably recall at least one moment like that. Instead of judging ourselves for how we responded, what if we approached it with curiosity? We probably perceived a threat. When our brain perceives threats, it activates the fight-or-flight response to help protect us from harm. Our automatic response isn’t always the most helpful in everyday interactions. For example, if someone says something hurtful, you might lash out or shut down. But there’s another option: setting a boundary. Boundaries can help restore a sense of safety and control without escalating conflict.

Staying Present

Sometimes our triggers can take us back to a past situation or move us into the future. The problem with triggers is that we often are not in the present moment. We might find ourselves reacting to negative feedback because it reminds us of a time we experienced bullying. Or maybe we avoid meeting new people because we fear rejection. Our triggers are often a trauma response. We might be reacting to past trauma rather than the present circumstance. One way to ground ourselves is to be present in our bodies. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: “What do I need to feel safe right now?” It could be removing yourself from the situation, talking it out with someone, or reminding yourself you are safe right now.

Final Thoughts

Just like we have a smoke alarm in our homes, we also have an internal alarm in our bodies. We don’t want to turn it off because we need it for safety. However, it is essential to monitor what causes our triggers. Rather than react to them, we can be aware of them. When we know what triggers us, we can respond by setting boundaries, staying present in our body, and talking it out with someone. Instead of trying to eliminate our triggers, we can focus on managing them in a healthy way.

How Do You Manage Conflict?

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At some point in a relationship, you will experience conflict. Conflict is not necessarily detrimental, but how you respond to conflict can either strengthen the relationship or create distance between you. Some of the best ways to manage conflict in relationships involve staying calm, communicating openly, seeking common ground, setting boundaries, and apologizing. 

Remain Calm and Respectful

It is essential not to react when you feel upset. A calm approach can help ensure the other person does not become defensive. Take time to cool down before engaging in a conversation. You want to create a safe environment for you and the other person to hear each other.  Communicating calmly and respectfully is indicative of emotional maturity. If you notice the person is not communicating calmly, it is okay to say, “I can see this conversation is getting heated. Can we take a break and continue this discussion later?”

Use “I” Statements

Open communication is crucial for resolving conflicts in relationships. Before initiating a conversation, ask yourself if you are willing to hear the other person. During conflict resolution, recognize that you are a team, and the conflict is the issue, not one another. Also, consider using “I” statements when communicating your feelings. By doing so, you take responsibility for your feelings and reduce the likelihood of defensiveness. A statement like “I feel frustrated when we repeatedly argue about the same issues and would like us to find a solution” is a constructive approach.

Be Curious

Finding common ground involves active listening and curiosity. You want to ask open-ended questions that help you understand their perspective. People may perceive things differently from you due to their unique experiences, beliefs, and values. Your differences do not have to push you apart. They can bring you together when there is understanding. Understanding how important something is for someone can open your heart to compromise. Consider making agreements that benefit both of you.

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are critical for safety and respect; their absence often leads to conflict. These boundaries, or non-negotiables, can include things like not raising voices during disagreements. It’s important to communicate these boundaries clearly by saying, “I need us to communicate calmly. Can we lower our voices and discuss this respectfully?” Additionally, explain the consequences of crossing these boundaries, like, “If we cannot speak respectfully, I’ll need to step away.”

Take Responsibility

Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is crucial to managing conflict. No one is perfect, and it is okay to admit fault. It shows empathy, respect, and accountability. While some may see admitting fault as a weakness, it signals emotional maturity. Use it as an opportunity to do better. Apologizing is not just about admitting fault; it’s a commitment to change the harmful behavior. 

Key Takeaways

Conflict can reveal the strength of a relationship. It doesn’t always lead to the end of a relationship; it can make the relationship stronger. While conflict can be challenging, there are ways to manage it. You can do this by staying calm, communicating openly, seeking common ground, setting boundaries, and apologizing.

How to Process the End of a Friendship?

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When a best friend becomes an ex-friend, it can feel as painful as a romantic breakup. It can be hard to move on because you shared so many memories. You probably never imagine that person not being in your life. The end of a friendship is not easy, but you can get through it. The way to heal from the end of a friendship is by processing your emotions, self-reflecting, finding the lessons, having gratitude, and being open to making new friends.

Grieving the End of the Friendship

A friendship ending with someone who has been part of your life since childhood is hard. It is equally painful to say goodbye to someone who stood by you in tough times or to someone who played a significant role in your wedding. For many, the end of a close friendship can be heartbreaking. It is important to recognize and accept the pain you experience. Feeling sad, hurt, or angry about a friendship ending is natural. These emotions are challenging, yet they are a crucial part of the healing journey. Accepting your feelings is the first step towards healing.

The Role of Self-Reflection in Healing

Self-reflection is the next step to healing. Journaling serves as an effective method for navigating through our emotions. Additionally, one can process the end of a friendship by reflecting on the following questions:

  • What do I miss about this friendship?
  • What did I learn from this friendship?
  • What kind of challenges did I face in this friendship?
  • What was lacking in this friendship?
  • What emotions am I experiencing because of the end of my friendship?
  • Why did the friendship end?
  • What role did I play in the end of the friendship?
  • How can I apply what I learn to my new friendships?

These questions can serve as journal prompts to assist in self-reflection and provide clarity.

The end of a friendship can feel like a loss, but if you can find the lesson, you can gain something from it. The way that we do this is through self-reflection. What lessons did you learn from this friendship? To answer this question, consider your part in the end of the friendship. Did an unresolved conflict lead to its ending? This situation could highlight the value of open communication. Or was the end of the friendship caused by a breakdown in trust? From this experience, you may learn how to set boundaries. What about friends that outgrow each other? The lesson can be knowing when to let go and embracing change. Whatever lessons you learn, apply them to your new friendships.

Cultivating Gratitude

Gratitude is another way to heal from the end of a friendship. Once you have engaged in self-reflection and worked through your emotions, think about what aspects of the friendship you are thankful for. One thing to be grateful for is the lessons that you’ve learned. Another thing to appreciate is all the memories that you shared. Just because a friendship has ended does not mean you cannot cherish the good times. While it is natural to feel upset about not being able to create new memories, you can still value the ones you have. You may even find gratitude in ways your friend challenged you and helped you to become a better person. You can also be grateful for the time they were there for you during hard times. By reflecting on what you are thankful for, you can identify what you value in friendships. Values are essential when developing new friendships. 

Embracing New Connections

The end of a friendship can create space for new connections that align better with your values. Being open to making new friends is the final step in healing. Unfortunately, fear can be a barrier to making the friends you want. You might be afraid you will never find a best friend like the one you had in college. This way of thinking can make you feel pessimistic about new people. Instead, remain optimistic and remind yourself you can cultivate new meaningful connections. At the other end of the spectrum, you may be afraid of getting hurt again. In this situation, it can be helpful to reflect on the lessons you learned to avoid making the same mistakes. Remember that making a different choice can lead to a new experience. You have the opportunity to experience something better. Do not allow past hurts to get in the way. 

Moving Forward

The end of a friendship can be as emotionally challenging as a romantic breakup. You can heal from the end of a friendship by processing your emotions, self-reflecting, finding the lessons, having gratitude, and being open to making new friends. By embracing these steps, you can work through the pain and create space for better connections.

When Do You Trust Your Gut?

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You might be familiar with the saying, “Trust your intuition; it never lies.” However, some people may not recognize when their intuition is speaking or might hesitate to follow their gut. While having a strong sense of intuition is beneficial, trusting it can be challenging for some. To build that trust, focus on listening to your body, relying on your judgment, reflecting on past experiences, and following your instincts.

Listening to Your Body

One way to trust your intuition is by learning how it speaks to you. Intuition can speak through physical sensations. It can be a peace you feel when you are around the right person. Or it can be a sinking feeling in your stomach when something feels off. Other common physical sensations include tightness in your chest or goosebumps. When you recognize how intuition speaks to you, it is important to listen to it. Take time to scan your body for physical sensations so that you can identify the subtle cues your intuition is telling you. 

Unlocking Your Intuition

You may not feel comfortable trusting your intuition because it does not make logical sense. But intuition stems from the subconscious mind, not the conscious mind. People commonly rationalize a situation because they are afraid of trusting their gut. Or allow anxiety to cause them to overthink and overpower their inner knowledge. You may have dated someone who seems perfect on paper but did not feel at ease about moving forward with them. You might have reasoned with yourself by saying I don’t have a solid reason not to be with this person. But when you decide to give them a chance, you discover they are not a good fit for you.

Following Your Intuition

You may be able to recall a time you had a gut feeling about something but went against it. Our intuition usually comes with an inner knowing, but we don’t always follow it. It can also be a hesitation about something or someone. Or it can be a thought that comes out of nowhere. Reflecting on past experiences can help you identify how your intuition speaks to you and understand the value of following it. You may have accepted a job offer you were hesitant about and soon discover the work environment is toxic. In this situation, you recognize that trusting your gut could have prevented you from being in this situation. Instead of being hard on yourself, use this experience as a reason to follow your intuition.

While you may not always trust your gut, when you do, it often leads you to where you want to be. You may have trusted your gut to start your own business, and now you have a more fulfilling career. You might have felt a sense of inner peace about someone after your first date, and then two years later, you are married to them. Your intuition never lies, but anxiety can. It is crucial to distinguish between anxiety and intuition. Intuition is a clear message, while anxiety is a fear of the unknown.

Intuition can be challenging for some to identify or even trust. But there are ways that you can begin to trust your intuition. The way to do this is by listening to your body, trusting your judgment, reflecting on experiences, and following your intuition. As your trust in your intuition grows, you’ll discover that you make decisions with increased confidence and clarity.