Category: Mindset

People are known as either savers or spenders. While how we manage money can reveal our financial habits, it doesn’t fully capture the emotional side of our decision-making. For some, saving might be motivated by the dream of buying a house, while others may spend money on travel to create memorable experiences. Understanding how we manage money and how we feel about money is crucial.

Retail Therapy

You’ve probably heard the term ‘retail therapy.’ I’ve been guilty of spending more when I was stressed. Shopping gave me a quick fix and made me feel more in control. Money became more than monetary value; it was a way to escape uncomfortable emotions. You wouldn’t know this because I consider myself more of a saver than a spender. But the truth is, how we spend money can often be deeply emotional.

I share my experience not to put the spotlight on myself but to help others realize they’re not alone. For many, talking about money can feel uncomfortable, but starting these conversations can foster greater self-awareness about our relationship with money. Retail therapy doesn’t have to lead to financial hardship; it’s all about moderation and mindfulness. If money is your only way of coping with emotions, consider exploring other ways to manage them.

Saving Vs Spending

Saving money can be just as emotional as spending it. Whether you’re saving for your dream home, booking a trip abroad, or planning a family reunion, the cost of these experiences can be significant. However, the memories you create are priceless. While being a saver is beneficial, being a spender isn’t necessarily bad. You deserve to enjoy your money, and spending it on meaningful experiences is a perfect way of doing that.

While saving money can be beneficial, it can also have a downside. For example, you may feel guilty about spending money, even when you can afford it. This feeling often stems from a scarcity mindset—one you may have developed growing up in a household where money was tight. Witnessing your parent’s struggle might have left you with an underlying fear of being without. Now, as an adult, you find yourself saving out of that same fear, trying to avoid the feeling how you did as a child.

Final Thoughts

When considering money, think beyond just being a saver or spender. Neither is better than the other. It is all about finding a balance between the two. More important than how you manage money is your relationship with money. Becoming self-aware of your emotions around saving and spending can improve your financial decisions. I hope this post can encourage you to be more mindful about how you view money.

Everyone faces rejection at some point, but not everyone reacts the same way. While some take it personally, others view it as an opportunity. Rejection doesn’t determine your worth or your future. Instead of taking it personally, recognize it as a sign that something better is coming. Adopting this mindset can empower you to keep moving forward toward your goals.

Rejection Isn’t About You

Imagine going for a job you want and acing the interview. You believe you are the best fit for the position. But, you get a call that the company chose another candidate. Naturally, you might feel devastated because you were confident that you got the job. It is important to remember that rejection is not a personal reflection of you. You can be qualified for the position, but that doesn’t always mean you are the best fit.

Shift Your Perspective

When you face rejection, it’s natural to wonder why you weren’t selected. But remember, you can’t control how others perceive you—only how you present yourself. If showing up as your best self isn’t enough, the job may not have been the right fit. Instead of dwelling on the outcome, view rejection as a chance to explore new opportunities. Keep your focus on your goals, and stay open to new possibilities. You can achieve your goals if you remain flexible and persistent.

You Are Enough

Rejection isn’t limited to the workplace; it can also happen in your social life. If you put yourself out there, there’s always a chance of facing rejection, but that doesn’t mean you’re not enough. Who you are will be enough for the right job and relationship. Remember, you are worth getting to know. If someone doesn’t want to date you or be in a relationship with you, it’s their loss. Ultimately, you’ve learned they weren’t the right person for you. The people who accept you are those who belong in your life.

Consider The Lesson

You can gain something valuable even from rejection. It just takes a shift in perspective. Instead of focusing on the question, ‘What’s wrong with me?’, ask yourself, ‘What is next for me?’ Rejection provides you with new information. It reveals that the opportunity or person you have wanted wasn’t the right fit. However, what you want is still possible if you keep moving forward.

Final Thoughts

Rejection doesn’t determine your self-worth or your future. If you experience rejection, don’t dwell on it. Instead, redirect your attention to what you want. You can have something better than you imagined by staying open to new possibilities. Remember, you are worthy of having what you desire.

Hurt people hurt people. When I think about the hurt I felt from what someone said or did to me, I recognize that it was not personal. I took it personally because I believed I was responsible for their behavior and tied my self-worth to how people treated me. Instead of taking what someone does personally, I take responsibility for how I feel and respond. Another person’s action is a reflection of them and not me.

You Are Not Responsible for Their Actions

The way someone treats you often says more about them than it does about you. When people belittle or hurt you, have you ever considered what might be happening in their lives? Often, people project their inner struggles onto others. Those who feel insecure may try to bring you down to feel better about themselves. Or maybe someone is just having a rough day and lashes out in frustration. It is natural to feel upset by their behavior but remember, you are not responsible for their actions.

Your Feelings Are Valid

Your feelings about how someone treats you are valid. As humans, we can be affected by the actions of others. However, while you are not responsible for how others behave, you are responsible for how you respond. This approach does not excuse poor behavior but empowers you to manage your emotions. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you’re not responsible for their actions, but you are responsible for how you feel. By choosing not to take things personally, you are not making yourself accountable for another’s actions.

Recognize Their Limitations

You deserve respect and kindness, but not everyone can give you this. People cannot give what they don’t have. Instead of taking it personally, understand this indicates their limitations, not your self-worth. You are worthy even if someone is being rude to you. You are worthy even if someone doesn’t like you. Your worth is not dependent on how someone treats you. Your worth is always internal. Do not allow someone else actions to define you.

Manage Your Expectations

Another thing to consider is your expectations of how someone should behave. While I believe people should be respectful, kind, and considerate, I also recognize people’s limitations. Some people might find it difficult to be kind when they are hurting. Some people might not see the value in kindness. The way people behave is reflective of their beliefs, values, and experiences. I cannot control how someone behaves, but I can manage my expectations.

Reclaim Your Power

I am learning not to take things personally. I took things personally in the past because I blamed myself for other people’s behaviors, tied my self-worth to how people treated me, and had unmet expectations. Now, I am taking more control over what I am responsible for. I am in control over how I feel, respond, and behave. I realize by not taking things personally, I am reclaiming my power.

Accepting who you are is a form of self-love. While this is a gift you can give yourself, many people do not feel deserving of love. You might not like who you are, but every part of you deserves love. It might not happen overnight, but with self-compassion, you can begin to accept who you are.

Challenge Your Negative Thoughts

Before you can accept who you are, it might be helpful to challenge what you think about yourself. If you struggle with self-acceptance, you may frequently engage in negative self-talk. You might focus on what’s wrong with you or what you don’t like about yourself. You might even believe you are unlovable or unworthy of love. But, even if you don’t feel worthy, you are worthy. You are worthy because you are a human being.

Recognize Your Innate Worth

Your self-image may stem from the love and treatment you received as a child. Those painful experiences do not define who you are. Those experiences do not determine your worthiness. If you were hurt, it is important to understand that you did not deserve that. The love you deserve is not limited to your past trauma. You can give yourself the love you want.

Accepting Every Part of Yourself

Loving who you are is about embracing all parts of you. The qualities you love and the qualities you might have a hard time loving. Because if you cannot fully be you, you are not showing up authentically. When you practice self-compassion, you embrace your imperfections. You recognize that you are worthy of love. You speak to yourself with kindness. You are patient with yourself. All these things are essential to accepting who you are.

All of who you are is enough. I hope you recognize your inherent worth and fully accept who you are. You are deserving of love.

Positive affirmations can build self-esteem, but they do not work for everyone. You can say you are enough 100 times, but saying it isn’t always enough to believe it. If someone says one thing but does another, it can be difficult to trust their words. If what you do does not align with what you say, this might explain why positive affirmations don’t work for you. Instead, start taking actions that align with what you want to believe.

Positive Affirmation: I Am Enough

You are enough. We all are enough. The reason you are enough is because you are a living being. You do not need to earn your worth. You need to believe you are worthy.

Now, let’s think about some actions that align with this belief. First, it starts with self-care. When you know you are enough, you prioritize your mental, physical, and emotional health. Then, you surround yourself with people who accept you. Next, you do things that you enjoy because they make you happy. By taking these actions, the belief you are enough becomes stronger.

Positive Affirmation: I Am Beautiful

You are beautiful even if you don’t fit the beauty standard. The beauty you have is in how original you are. You are beautiful in a special way. Your beauty is not just limited to how you look on the outside. Your beauty also comes from the way you treat yourself and others.

One action you can take to align with this belief involves recognizing the physical and internal qualities you like about yourself. Also, embrace your unique style. Wear things that make you feel confident. Instead of thinking someone looks better, consider they look like them and you look like you.

Positive Affirmation: I Am Capable

You are capable of doing great things. You can change how far you go by the actions you take. Think about your dreams and goals. They can become a reality if you are willing to take the necessary steps.

It is about getting outside your comfort zone. It is about being open to trying new things. It is about staying committed to seeing things to the end. You can do it, but are you willing to do it?

Positive Affirmation: I Accept Myself

Self-acceptance is the most loving thing you can give yourself. You might not like everything about yourself, but it is a part of your authenticity. If you did not have this part of you, you wouldn’t be you. Everyone has different sides to themselves. And every part of you is worthy of love.

Acceptance is embracing your strengths and weaknesses. With qualities you don’t like, consider what you can do to improve them. Also, practicing self-compassion can help you to see your weaknesses as strengths. Your weaknesses are strengths because they create space for growth.

Final Thoughts

While I believe positive affirmations are helpful, it might require some action to internalize them. Actions speak louder than words. Take actions that align with what you want to believe.

I frequently hear people discussing their goals, hopes, and dreams for the year. While having aspirations is beneficial, being intentional in taking action to achieve your goals is equally important. It is good to dream, but turning those dreams into reality is even better. Here are some strategies to help you be more intentional about turning your dreams into reality this year.

Create a Vision Board

A vision board is a powerful tool for turning your dreams into something tangible. If you have a clear vision of what you want, a vision board can help keep you motivated and inspired. It is also a fun and creative way to visualize your goals in a way that is personal to you. You might fill your board with images, words, or a combination of both—there are no rules. The key is to make it uniquely yours. Once you have created your vision board, make sure to keep it somewhere visible. Seeing it can remind you of your aspirations and help keep you focused on achieving them.

Set Value-Based Goals

The goals you set are crucial to creating the life you want, but even more important is having goals that align with your core values. You cannot build your life based on someone else’s dreams. What makes you happy may look different from what others value. Take time to reflect on your core values and set goals that align with them. True happiness comes from living a life that reflects who you are. When your goals align with your values, they can lead you to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Connect with the Right People

Show me your friends, and I will show you your future. The people you choose to spend time with can impact how far you can go. Your connections can either be holding you back or moving you forward. When reaching your goals and aspirations, it is essential to surround yourself with the right people. While they may not be perfect, the right people are those you can learn from. They are people who inspire and support you. The right people facilitate you becoming your best self.

Take Accountability

When you think about where you are, how much of it do you blame on external factors? While circumstances impact where you are, how you respond influences where you stay. If you are unhappy with where you are, you can change it. People with an internal locus of control believe they are in control and take responsibility for their lives. They achieve the life they desire by taking actions aligned with their goals. They trust themselves and their ability to overcome challenges, regardless of the circumstances.

Final Takeaways

The new year can be a time of celebration and also a time to be intentional about creating the life you want. It starts with a vision and taking action to achieve it. It is about surrounding yourself with the right people and being accountable for where you are.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I find myself stuck in the past, and I recognize that it is a sign of unhealed trauma. I told myself stories that exacerbated the pain. I realize that I have the power to change the storyline. I can write a story with a good ending. I can write a motivational story. I can choose a theme of resilience. I can work on character development. I could even have a co-writer. I recognize that to heal meant changing the way I write my story.

The Story

I believe holding onto a story gave me a false sense of safety. I felt safe thinking that people could hurt me. It made it easier to keep my guard up. But what I wanted more than anything was to receive love. How can someone receive love if their heart isn’t open? I tell myself that I can’t trust people. I told myself that I would be disappointed. I convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. The theme of my story was powerless. The title was “I am scared!”

A New Story

I personalized negative experiences because of unresolved trauma. I did not recognize that I had the power to change. I also believed that change was too hard. That is when having a co-writer helped me to change my story. I started by opening up about how I felt and allowing positive and supportive people to help me reframe my story. On my own, I could not write another story, but with the help of another person, I could write a story of resilience, power, love, and hope.

Character Development

My story needed character development. I was a victim of trauma and could not see myself outside that role. I became a victim of my circumstances. Now, I was becoming a victim of my story. Although life had improved, I still held onto painful experiences. I recognized that I needed to change how I saw myself. I began to tap into my power. It was not easy. I knew that the story I used to tell myself did not serve me anymore. I changed my story to “I got through it.” “Because I got through it, I can now have better.”

Edits

Like a book, there are still things that need editing. I am still working on letting go of the past. My story now is that I am on my way. I have come so far. I can look forward to what is to come. The themes of my story are power, resilience, love, and hope. The title is The Power in Me.

When you look at your life, are you happy with where you are? If you answered no, have you ever considered the beliefs that might be holding you back? Limiting beliefs can be detrimental to you achieving your goals and dreams. I want to help you identify common beliefs that may prevent you from having the life you want. 

Belief 1: Things Will Never Change

When you get used to things not going your way, it is easy to believe that is how it will always be. You desire change, but you do not believe it is possible. Often, change starts with you. It requires you to change before you can see the change around you. No matter how long things have been a certain way, the possibility for change is always there. Believe that things can change—and that you have the power to make it happen.

Belief 2: I Will Be Happy When….

You might think you’ll be happy when you meet the right person, land that promotion, or buy a house. But what is stopping you from being happy right now? Because external things only play a small percentage in our happiness. The happiness you cultivate from within has a greater impact. There is nothing wrong with wanting more, but I believe it is important to understand that long-term happiness comes from within.

You can experience more happiness by being grateful for what you have right now. You can also increase your happiness by making choices that align with your values, not a particular outcome. Consider what values you want to prioritize more in your life. Instead of depending on external things to make you happy, consider some choices you can make today that will make you happier. 

Belief 3: Asking for Help Is a Sign of Weakness

While being ambitious and independent are great qualities, there are times when reaching out for support is necessary. It is okay to ask for help, and it does not make you less capable. When you ask for help, it allows you to learn and grow. By seeking guidance, you gain the support of those who have already achieved what you’re striving for. Instead of seeing help as a weakness, see it as a strength. You recognize you want to grow and are willing to learn from others. That sounds like a strength to me. 

Belief 4: I Should Be Further Along 

This belief often stems from the regret you have about the past. You might regret not working on a particular goal sooner. Instead of dwelling on the past, learn from it. Recognize that you did your best and be grateful for the opportunity to do better. Each day you have can be another day you can work towards getting to where you want to be. You might believe that you should be further along, but maybe you are exactly where you are meant to be. At this moment, you have a clear sense of where you want to go and can start taking steps to get there.

Belief 5: My Worth Is External

If I asked what makes you worthy, where would your mind go? Does it go to how attractive you are, how many friends you have, the car you drive, the amount of money you make, or your significant other? While these things can add value to your life, they don’t add value to who you are. These are all external things and are subject to change at any moment. Thankfully, your worth is internal and it doesn’t change. You are worthy because you are a living being. As long as you are alive, you will always be worthy.

New Beliefs 

Your beliefs shape the way you experience life. If you find that you are not experiencing the life you want, examine your beliefs. Recognize beliefs that may be limiting you and replace them with new beliefs that serve you in a powerful way. You can change your life by changing what you believe about yourself. Here are some new beliefs I hope you can adopt.

• I am capable of change
• My worth is innate
• I am where I am meant to be
• I can cultivate happiness from within
• Asking for help is a strength

Photo by Arina Krasnikova from Pexels

Reflecting on my life, I feel content with where I am. But I remember a time when I wasn’t. I believed that life would be better if things went my way. Although external circumstances can impact our happiness, they do so only to a small degree. I eventually realized that if I wanted to experience lasting happiness, I needed to take accountability for my choices.

Taking Accountability

I am responsible for where I am. Yes, there were things I could not control, but I was in control of my choices. Avoiding the unknown kept me stuck in what I knew. Not communicating my needs led to unfulfilling relationships. Doubting myself prevented me from taking risks. Holding on to old beliefs hindered my growth. If I wanted better, I had to make better choices.

Making Good Choices

I remember how quitting a toxic job opened the door to a better career. Starting my blog allowed me to live out my purpose. Ending a friendship sparked self-discovery and growth. These choices aligned with the life I wanted to live. I made them because I believed I deserved better.

Changing My Beliefs

I did not always believe I could have what I wanted. I didn’t always believe I was worthy of it. I didn’t always believe I could change. These beliefs led me to make choices that didn’t align with what I wanted. If I wanted to change where I was, I had to make a new choice. If I wanted to make a new choice, I had to change how I saw myself. If I wanted to change how I saw myself, I had to believe I was worthy. 

Knowing My Values

I have learned that inner happiness comes from making choices that align with my values. While knowing my values is one thing, living them out in my daily life is another. I’m becoming more accountable for what truly matters to me and now understand which values I need to prioritize. I see how my values are instrumental in guiding me to make better decisions, and I am actively learning to make choices that align with what I value most.

Takeaway

I realized that I have the power to change my life, and it started with being accountable for my choices. Below are questions I have found helpful in evaluating my life and choices. I hope you can recognize how powerful choices are and create a life you are worthy of having. 

• What choices have I made to get to where I want to be? 
• What choices can I make to get to where I want to be? 
• What choices have I made prevent me from getting to where I want to be? 
• What values do I need to prioritize more in my life? 
• What beliefs are preventing me from having the life I want? 
• What beliefs can help me create the life I want?
• How well do my choices align with my top values? 

Sadness is a feeling that many people find uncomfortable to experience. It is known as one of the negative emotions we have as human beings. But sadness is just an emotion. Sure, it is uncomfortable, but it serves a purpose. I am learning that sadness can remind me of what I need and want. When processing an emotion like sadness, it is helpful to acknowledge sadness, identify the cause, reframe your perspective, practice gratitude, focus on your values, and get support. 

Allow Yourself to Feel Sad

Sadness can feel so uncomfortable that you might want to avoid it. I will admit I don’t like to feel sad, but I realize that it is an emotion that serves a function. When I feel sad, I recognize that it can be a reminder of what matters to me. One of the first things you can do to self-regulate your emotions is to acknowledge them. You might judge an emotion like sadness as negative. The judgment you have about certain emotions may prevent you from processing them. Instead, see emotions as an opportunity to gain insight. Emotions are also temporary. Once you get the information you need, you can allow it to serve you.

Give Context to Your Sadness

One of the most common reasons people feel sad is because of loneliness. I recognize that the sadness I was experiencing was reminding me that I needed to prioritize social connections. When processing sadness, it is helpful to identify experiences that may be causing this feeling. Other common reasons people feel sad are due to a breakup, the death of a loved one, job loss, or life changes. Consider journaling your feelings and the reasons behind them.

Reframe Your Perspective

The way you think affects the way you feel. You can change how you feel by asking yourself what is another way I can see this? You might be sad about a recent breakup, but have you considered the lessons you learned from the relationship? You can take what you learn into your new relationship and create an even better experience. It is also important to recognize how you feel is temporary. You feel sad right now. Adding right now to the end of this sentence can help you recognize that it is not permanent. You can take action to change how you feel. 

Focus on Your Values 

Sadness can remind you what you need and want more of in life. For example, feeling sad about the end of a relationship can remind you that you value meaningful connections. You can find ways to get this value met by taking actions that help you to build meaningful connections. Consider joining clubs or activities that interest you, attending social events, and spending time with friends and family.

Practice Gratitude 

Practicing gratitude is another way you can change your perspective. Write down 5-10 things you are grateful for. This practice can foster a more positive outlook, which can help you feel better. By shifting your attention to something positive, you are changing your focus. When you change your focus to something more positive, you feel more empowered to take action to fix what is causing you sadness.

Get Support

If you’re struggling, reach out to family and friends for support. Although you feel alone, you are not alone. People want to support you. Admitting when you feel sad allows others to help you. If you notice your sadness persists for longer than two weeks, it might be time to seek professional help from a therapist.

Final Takeaway

Sadness is an emotion that may not be easy to process. However, it is an emotion that serves as a function to guide you back to what you need. If you want this guidance, be willing to sit in the discomfort. It might be hard, but acknowledge your sadness. Next, write down what is causing you sadness. Then, reframe your perspective. You can do this by focusing on the lessons and practicing gratitude. Last but not least, reach out for support. You are not alone, and there is help available for you.