We all have many thoughts throughout the day but some thoughts replay like a broken record. We might focus on things we can’t control, things we don’t like, or things we don’t have. While it’s natural to think about these things, don’t focus on them. Instead, we can be aware of all our thoughts but focus on the ones that are more helpful. Shifting to more helpful thoughts empowers us to change what is in our control.
Negativity Bias
Our brains are wired for survival, which is why we often focus on negative thoughts. This tendency, known as the negativity bias, helped our ancestors stay alert to threats. If you find yourself dwelling on negative experiences or bad news, it’s your brain trying to keep you safe. While this is normal, focusing on the negative thoughts isn’t helpful. Instead, we can shift our focus to thoughts that encourage action and growth. This mindset helps us develop an internal locus of control, which is the belief that we have the power to change our circumstances.
Focus on Helpful Thoughts
Which thought is more helpful: I shouldn’t make mistakes, or I can learn from my mistakes? The second one is more helpful because the first one is judgmental and unrealistic. The second one is more balanced and creates an opportunity for growth. We will make mistakes, but that doesn’t define who we are. We are capable of learning new things and growing as a person. Don’t allow where you are to prevent you from where you want to be.
Challenge Your Beliefs
Let’s try another one. Asking for help makes me look inadequate. I’ll admit I have been guilty of thinking this way. But I’ve realized that it’s actually an opportunity to learn something new. When I don’t know how to do something, asking for help allows me to learn how to do it. The smartest people aren’t just the ones who know everything, but they are the ones who remain curious. What if we saw asking for help as a way to be more curious? If we viewed asking for help as a way to stay curious, we might be more likely to learn new things.
Practice Self-Compassion
Despite what many believe, being hard on yourself does not help you grow or create the life you want. If you use the word “should” a lot, I want to encourage you to practice self-compassion. I want to be clear that self-compassion is not toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is the belief that we should only focus on the positive. However, self-compassion creates space for our strengths and imperfections. A great example of self-compassion is the belief that “I am doing my best.” Regardless of what you might believe you should be doing better, you are doing your best.
Monitor Your Thoughts
What you think affects how you feel. How you feel affects how you behave. How you behave impacts your life. When you think about your life, how much of it do you contribute to the way you think? While there are things we can’t control, there are things we can control. Sometimes, the change we want to see externally requires a shift internally. When you have thoughts, it can be helpful to consider whether they are moving you forward or holding you back.
How is focusing on what you can’t control holding you back? How can focusing on what you can control move you forward? These questions allow you to see which thoughts are helpful and unhelpful. We don’t ignore things we can’t control. We accept things we can’t control. We focus on what we can control because it gives us the power to influence our circumstances. If you don’t like your current circumstances, consider your role in changing them.
Final Thoughts
I’ll admit I wrote this post for myself because sometimes I tend to focus on things I can’t control. But, I am learning to have a more internal locus of control. I believe I can influence my circumstances, and I hope you know you can as well. It isn’t so much about not having negative thoughts and only positive thoughts. It’s about accepting all your thoughts but focusing on helpful ones. The helpful ones will empower you to take action to create the life you want.