Category: Self Care

Most people want to be happy, but not many people are. While you might believe you are unhappy because you have yet to reach a particular goal in life or have not found your person, happiness is internal. While relationships, money, and material possessions can enhance your happiness, they cannot sustain it. Instead, happiness comes from within. It is about creating a life centered around your values.

Looking Externally

Relationships can increase happiness, but they cannot sustain it. In the honeymoon stage of relationships, it is pure bliss. Some people say they are on cloud 9 when they are in love. This high that people experience comes from the release of dopamine. Like any high, it will eventually wear off. For many couples, the honeymoon stage does not last forever. You cannot rely on another person to keep you happy.

While people may believe the right person can make you happy, a relationship cannot maintain your happiness. When you place your happiness in the hands of another person, you might be heartbroken when the relationship does not work out. Instead, it is good to have gratitude for the relationship and understand that you are responsible for your happiness. You can take control of your happiness by knowing your values.

Going Inwardly

Happiness is internal, and it starts with knowing what matters to you. Identifying your top 5-10 values can lead to a more fulfilling life. You cannot find happiness by living out someone else dreams. Creating a life you can enjoy starts with being authentic. It is about doing things that you love because they matter to you. You are unique, and what makes you happy might look different from someone else.

The Formula for Happiness

As much as external things can impact your emotions, you have a baseline for happiness. How happy you generally feel is predominately internal. One study shows that 50% of our happiness is genetics, 40% is mindset and personal choice, and 10% is life circumstances. Just think about the happiest time in your life. Now, think about how ecstatic you were when the event happened and how that emotion evolved as time passed. The level of happiness you felt before eventually returns to its baseline.

Happiness is a choice. Your mindset and choices play a significant role in how you feel. The daily practice of gratitude can help you develop a positive outlook and an internal locus of control. When you can be grateful for what you have, you have more appreciation for life. You also cultivate happiness through the choices you make. Being more intentional about taking actions that align with your values makes a difference.

I hope that this post will help you find what happiness looks like for you. I believe the best place to start is inward. You hold the key to your happiness, and it is up to you to unlock it.

Have you ever turned to food for comfort when you felt stressed, bored, or sad? If you have, you are not alone. This behavior is known as emotional eating. While food can provide temporary relief, using it to manage challenging emotions can negatively impact your physical and mental health. To combat emotional eating, consider drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthy alternatives, and managing stress effectively.

Stay Hydrated

How much water are you drinking? Experts recommend you drink 8 cups of water per day. Drinking water not only keeps you hydrated but can also help you distinguish between hunger and thirst. Many people mistake thirst for hunger, which can lead to overeating. Before reaching for a snack, drink a glass of water. If you are still hungry, this indicates that your body needs food. While drinking water does provide physical benefits, it also improves mood and cognitive function. Consider increasing your water intake if you are not already drinking enough.

Mindfulness

How mindful are you about the food you eat? Maybe you had moments where you were still hungry after a meal because you ate too quickly, or you were too busy to cook and ended up getting fast food. You can be more mindful by slowing down, focusing on your food, and eliminating distractions. Keeping a food journal or meal prepping in advance can help you make healthier eating choices and prevent impulsive eating. With a little more awareness, you can enjoy food without the guilt that comes from emotional eating.

Healthy Alternatives

Practicing mindfulness starts with making healthier choices at the grocery store. It begins by purchasing more fruits and vegetables while limiting junk food. Keeping your home free of junk food helps prevent overindulgence. If you crave something crunchy, consider snacking on almonds or celery sticks. Or maybe if it is something sweet, you might consider eating fresh fruit. You do not need to eliminate junk food unless advised by a doctor. It is all about having comfort foods in moderation.

Manage Stress

If you are feeling stressed, it is important not to use food to avoid managing your emotions. One of the first steps in resolving a problem is acknowledging it. Start by identifying areas in your life that are causing stress. Writing these down and developing strategies to address each one can help. While some stressors may be out of your control, you can control how you respond to them. Though comfort foods might temporarily ease your stress, eating foods like leafy greens, fatty fish, and whole grains can help your body manage stress more effectively.

To Conclude

I hope this post can help you to be more mindful of your relationship with food. While emotional eating is common, there are ways to overcome it. Strategies like drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthier alternatives, and managing stress can help you maintain a healthy relationship with food.

When you see confident people, do you ever wonder what makes them confident? Do you believe it is because of how attractive they are? Do you believe it is because of how smart they are? Have you ever considered that it may be an internal reason people are confident? The truth is confidence comes from within. It is believing in one’s ability. Now that you recognize confidence comes from within, let’s focus on how to cultivate it.

Embodying Confidence

While you might believe attractiveness is what makes a person confident, it is confidence that makes someone attractive. A great illustration of this is in Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman. She acknowledges that it is not her looks that make her attractive but how she carries herself. While physical attractiveness may catch someone’s attention, confidence commands it. From her poem, you learn that confidence comes from within and is evident as soon as you walk into a room. It is about holding your head high, walking with ease, and showing your smile.

Knowing Yourself

Confidence comes from knowing yourself. Do you know what your strengths are? Confident people are not confident because they lack weaknesses. They are confident because they do not focus on their weaknesses. Like everyone, you have things you are good at and areas you can improve. Being aware of your weaknesses and working on them can help build confidence. A confident person sees value even in their imperfections because they recognize the opportunity to grow. Additionally, focusing on talents and abilities can boost your confidence.

Surrounding Yourself with Confident People

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This quote is powerful because it shows how relationships can influence who you can become. Surrounding yourself with secure people shows you what confidence looks like. You also have the opportunity to allow your light to shine. When you can show up and not worry about how others perceive you, you are building confidence. It is also helpful to have supportive people around you. Choose people who ignite your light and not dim it.

Final Thoughts

I hope that my words have helped you to build your confidence. Remember, confidence comes from within. It is something you embody. It also grows from knowing yourself and surrounding yourself with confident people.

Self-compassion is a concept I once misunderstood. I thought that by being kind to myself, I was being dishonest about how great I was. But I soon realized that denying my greatness was not being honest either. In this post, I want to share what self-compassion is and is not. I encourage you to practice self-compassion more, as it can be instrumental in accepting who you are. 

My Worth is Innate

Self-compassion is not just about saying nice things to feel better about my failures. It is about acknowledging that I can have failures and still be a worthwhile person. I am learning not to measure my worth by failure or success. I am not less worthy when I fail or more worthy when I succeed. Despite my failures, I am worthy, and no amount of success can make me worthy. Self-compassion taught me that my worth is innate. 

I Have Flaws

Self-compassion is not about denying my flaws. It is about accepting my flaws as part of who I am. My imperfections make me more relatable and real. When I strive to be perfect, I become less authentic. It is through my imperfections that I can grow. I have strengths and weaknesses. Neither is better than the other. I benefit from both.

My Standards

Self-compassion is not setting the bar low. It is about creating a standard that works for me and not against me. Expectations based on someone else’s standards can be damaging. I do not need to measure up to who people expect me to be. I can live by who I want to be. Who I want to be is more important than who I think I should be. 

My Emotions

Self-compassion is not about avoiding painful emotions. It is about accepting how I feel. It is easy to embrace emotions that are deemed positive, such as happiness. But I do not always feel happy. I feel sad sometimes. Self-compassion teaches me to appreciate all emotions because each carries valuable insights. While emotions do not define me, they have helped me to understand the world around me. 

Final Thoughts

Self-compassion has helped me to have a more loving and honest relationship with myself. Through this self-love journey, I better understand what self-compassion is and how important it is. Self-compassion is rooted in love. Love is kind. I hope this post inspires you to be more kind to yourself. 

Although the holidays tend to be the happiest time of year for me, I recognize that, for some people, this time can bring sadness—from grief to seasonal depression. The holidays are not a joyful time for everyone, and I want to take a moment to say that however you feel, it is valid. It is okay not to feel happy, even during this season. Fortunately, grief and joy can coexist, and you can still find moments of joy despite how you feel. To help with that, I want to share some things that may bring you more joy this season.

Gratitude

Thanksgiving is often seen as a time to reflect on what you are grateful for, but gratitude isn’t limited to this holiday. It is something that you can practice every day. It is showing thanks in the small things such as being able to enjoy a meal. Or in the big things like being alive another day. Gratitude is how you can invite more joy into your life. Gratitude is what keeps you hopeful when times are tough. Gratitude helps you to have a more positive outlook on life. When you can learn to be grateful despite your circumstances, you experience more joy.

Do Something You Enjoy

Another way to experience more joy during the holidays is by doing what you love. For me, a cup of hot chocolate and a good Christmas movie work wonders, but what brings you joy might be different. It could be decorating a Christmas tree, cooking a warm meal, or even something completely unrelated to the holidays. The holidays are yours to shape—you can choose which traditions to follow, what food you want to enjoy, and how you want to spend your time. If it brings you joy, then do it. You have every right to have joy.

The Power of Giving

Giving is another way to experience joy. Giving is not just about spending money; it involves serving those who need it. Sometimes, giving to others can remind you how impactful you can be in someone’s life. This realization can help take your mind off yourself and on how you can make a difference. Seeing joy in others can help you to find joy from within.

Prioritize Connection

As the days grow colder and the nights longer, it is tempting to stay in. However, getting enough sunlight and maintaining connections are important during this time. One way to stay connected with yourself is by prioritizing your physical and mental health. If you are struggling, consider making an appointment with a therapist for support. Also, stay connected with others—whether attending a holiday party at work, calling a friend, or spending time with family. These connections are essential to your well-being.

Closing

The holidays are typically a time of celebration, but not everyone enjoys this time of year. If you feel sad during this time, I hope you know you are not alone and it is okay to feel sadness. I also hope you can find joy in practicing gratitude, doing things you love, giving to others, and staying connected. Happy Holidays! Wishing you joy this season!

Your childhood plays a crucial role in shaping who you become as an adult. Your experiences during these years shape your beliefs, behaviors, and self-worth, with your relationship with your parent playing a key role in how you view yourself. Unfortunately, if you didn’t have parents who provided guidance, love, and protection, you may carry unresolved childhood wounds into adulthood. One way to heal these wounds is through the process of reparenting yourself.

Develop Self-Love 

The love that you deserve is not limited to what you received as a child. When you have been emotionally neglected as a child, this can cause you to feel inadequate, insecure, and unlovable. Although this is a false perception, it can be difficult for adults with these wounds to challenge these beliefs. Your parents may have played a role in how you see yourself then, but you play a role in how you see yourself now. You are worthy and deserving of love. 

Be The Parent You Needed 

When you think about your childhood, what was lacking? Was it protection, love, or guidance? Once you have the answer, consider how you can fulfill those needs. For instance, if you lacked protection during childhood, how can you protect yourself in adulthood? This can mean setting boundaries, speaking up for yourself, and surrounding yourself with supportive people. If love from your parents was lacking, consider some self-care practices. If guidance from your parents was lacking, find a mentor, a therapist, or a pastor who can support you. 

Grieve The Parent You Didn’t Have 

The final stage of grief is acceptance, but before you can get here, it is important to process how you feel. How did it feel to be neglected or abandoned as a child? How did it feel to be unprotected by your parents? How did it feel to be invalidated? How did it feel to be unsupported? What emotions are coming up for you? Is it anger, sadness, disguise, or disappointment? Allow yourself to feel those emotions. I would also suggest processing this with a trusted person because grief can be heavy. Allow your inner child to be heard. You deserve to express your pain. You deserve to release the pain you have been carrying around for years. 

Cultivate Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships are essential to reparenting, as they provide a positive example of how relationships should be. Through these relationships, you realize that your parent’s inability to meet your needs reflects their capacity and not your worth. You were always worthy, even if you did not receive the love you needed as a child. Having positive and supportive people can help you heal your inner child by creating an environment where you feel safe, understood, and worthy of love. Healthy relationships can help you develop new belief systems and patterns of behaviors that serve you in a positive way. You learn that as an adult you have a choice about who you develop a relationship with. You also recognize that building healthy relationships is the catalyst to healing your inner child.

Transformative Journey

In conclusion, reparenting is a transformative process where you take on the role of the supportive, loving parent you may not have had during childhood. You show up for yourself by developing self-love, meeting your needs, processing your emotions, accepting what was and cultivating healthy relationships. Ultimately, reparenting empowers you to become the person you needed growing up. As you become this person, you begin to heal your childhood wounds.

We are social creatures, and being connected to people is an innate need. However, there are moments when we need to reconnect with ourselves, and this is where solitude is essential. Unlike isolation, which signifies a disconnection from ourselves and others, solitude offers an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. Knowing how to differentiate between the two is critical because one can transform you, while the other can have negative effects.

Are You Isolating?

When facing a challenging time, who do you turn to for support? Some individuals have supportive people in their lives, but they might not feel comfortable relying on them for help. Many suffer in silence because they fear vulnerability, believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness. As a result, they struggle to express themselves and often isolate themselves from others in times of distress. This isolation prevents them from receiving the support they need to overcome challenges and fosters the false belief that they can’t rely on people. In reality, the support we receive from others builds our resilience, enabling us to navigate difficult times more effectively.

Are You Dealing with Depression? 

Some people isolate because they are dealing with depression. It is not always easy to reach out for support when you are depressed. Depression can take a toll on your mental and physical health as well. Some symptoms of depression include: 

• Depressed mood 
• Feeling worthless  
• Lack of motivation 
• Sleep disturbances 
• Fatigue, tiredness, or loss of energy  
• Loss of interest in hobbies and activities 
• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
• Difficulty concentrating 

Are You Dealing with Social Anxiety?

Another reason people isolate is because they have anxiety about social interactions. You might be afraid of being rejected or judged by others. This fear can make social situations overwhelming and cause you to avoid them. 

 Cognitive symptoms:

• Fearing situations where you don’t know other people
• Worrying that you will be judged by others
• Fear of becoming embarrassed or being humiliated
• Thinking that others will notice your anxiety
• Dreading upcoming events weeks in advance

Physical symptoms:

• Blushing
• Profuse sweating
• Trembling hands
• Muscle tension
• Racing heart

Breaking Free from Isolation 

People isolate themselves for various reasons, which is not always best for our well-being. It is important to stay connected with ourselves and others to experience a healthy and fulfilling life. When we isolate, we disconnect from ourselves, which can lead us to feel lonely, depressed, and anxious. Instead, we must stay connected with ourselves and reach out to the people who can support us. If we do not have that support, we can find it through local communities, therapy, church, or online support groups.  

Embracing Solitude 

Unlike isolation, solitude is an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves. During our time alone, we can use it to self-reflect, foster creativity, and gain clarity. We can express ourselves through journaling or engaging in creative outlets. Through these forms of expression, we can explore our thoughts and emotions more deeply, leading to transformation. Consider taking time out of your day to journal about the following: 

• What challenges am I facing? 
• What actions can I take to achieve my goals and dreams? 
• What beliefs or behaviors are preventing me from living the life I want? 
• What values do I need to prioritize more in my life? 
• What are some past experiences that have shaped my approach to relationships?
• What fears or beliefs keep me from reaching out to others?
• What do I need more in my life right now? 
• When was the last time I felt happy? 
• Where do I want to be one year from now? 
• What is my purpose? 

These questions can help you gain clarity and discover new things about yourself.

Final Thoughts 

When we isolate ourselves, we disconnect from the world and our needs. But solitude can help us reconnect with who we are. It is a chance to gain insights and make positive changes for our growth. Being alone is not a bad thing. It is more about how you choose to spend your time alone.

Photo by Mikoto from Pexels

Loneliness is more common than you may think. Almost half of Americans feel lonely. If you are experiencing loneliness, know that you are not alone. Loneliness does not have to be a state of permanence. You can overcome it by taking actions that help you to connect with yourself and others. Some ways to connect include reaching out to friends, joining a class or club, talking to a therapist, finding a support group, and embracing solitude. 

You Are Not Alone

Feeling lonely is a common experience and not something to be embarrassed about. At some point in life, many people feel lonely. One of the first things you can do is reach out.

Reach Out to Your Friends

If you have friends, let them know when you are feeling sad. By sharing your feelings, your friends can offer the support you need. Make plans with your friends and express to them how important it is to stay connected. Also, consider mutual friends that you may have or old friends you haven’t spoken with for a while. Taking this one step can help you feel connected again.

Join a Class or Club

You might not have many friends you can talk to, but that doesn’t mean you should suffer alone. Consider ways you can make new friends. One of the best ways to meet new people is by joining a class or club related to your hobbies. You can improve your odds of making new connections by attending a class regularly. You can join a fitness class. You can join a book club. You can try the meet-up app. Or even start your own class. Although I know this might be helpful advice for some, I recognize that some individuals face obstacles that make socializing challenging. Seeking therapy can be beneficial if you feel that your mental health is hindering your ability to form new friendships.

Find a Therapist

Depression and social anxiety can be a barrier to making the connections you desire. You might not have the motivation to make new friends because you are dealing with depression. Or you might have anxiety that causes you to avoid social settings. It often requires professional counseling before you can navigate new relationships. A therapist can provide a safe space for you to express yourself and provide you with the right tools to manage anxiety and depression. Some people may be reluctant to admit they need help because they believe it is a weakness. On the contrary, it demonstrates tremendous strength and courage when admitting you need support. It may not be easy to reach out, but remember it is important to prioritize your mental health.

Join a Support Group

Sometimes, connecting with others who may share the same challenges can help you to feel less alone. Support groups also provide a safe space for people to open up. Someone might share an experience that you have gone through. It can be validating to know that you can relate to other people. You may even learn from others how to cope in similar circumstances. You can find support groups through online searches, healthcare providers, nonprofit organizations, and local community resources.

Embrace Solitude

Solitude can be a gift to reconnect you to yourself. Prioritize a self-care activity like journaling. Writing in a journal can help you process your feelings, develop self-awareness, and gain clarity. Through self-reflection, you can identify the root cause of your loneliness and work towards resolving it. Being alone can also be enjoyable. Consider doing things you enjoy, such as reading a book or watching your favorite show. Solitude can also help you to discover new passions like photography, cooking, and creative writing.

Final Thoughts

The key to overcoming loneliness is to reconnect with yourself and others. You can achieve this by reaching out to friends, joining a class, finding a therapist, attending a support group, and embracing solitude. You are not alone. You don’t have to deal with loneliness by yourself. Get the support you need. Because your mental health matters!

One night, I was cooking salmon when the smoke detector went off. As the alarm beeped loudly, I also heard, Fire, fire! I immediately panicked, thinking there was a real fire. I quickly looked around, searching for flames, but soon realized there was no actual fire. The stove was just too high, and the smoke triggered the alarm. Just like a smoke detector, we all have triggers. Sometimes, our triggers affect how we see reality. You probably heard that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. But that’s not always the case. Even if we perceive danger, it doesn’t mean we are in danger.

Identifying Your Triggers

We all have triggers; it is a natural part of being human. Instead of trying to eliminate them, the key is to become aware of them. For instance, I learned that if the heat on the stove was too high, it could trigger the smoke detector. Rather than getting rid of the smoke alarm, I monitored the heat on the stove. Similarly, it is important to monitor what causes us to react. A look, a new environment, or a confrontation can trigger us. By being aware of our triggers, we can prepare ourselves to respond rather than react.

Setting Boundaries

Have you ever looked back on a situation and realized you may have overreacted? Most of us can probably recall at least one moment like that. Instead of judging ourselves for how we responded, what if we approached it with curiosity? We probably perceived a threat. When our brain perceives threats, it activates the fight-or-flight response to help protect us from harm. Our automatic response isn’t always the most helpful in everyday interactions. For example, if someone says something hurtful, you might lash out or shut down. But there’s another option: setting a boundary. Boundaries can help restore a sense of safety and control without escalating conflict.

Staying Present

Sometimes our triggers can take us back to a past situation or move us into the future. The problem with triggers is that we often are not in the present moment. We might find ourselves reacting to negative feedback because it reminds us of a time we experienced bullying. Or maybe we avoid meeting new people because we fear rejection. Our triggers are often a trauma response. We might be reacting to past trauma rather than the present circumstance. One way to ground ourselves is to be present in our bodies. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: “What do I need to feel safe right now?” It could be removing yourself from the situation, talking it out with someone, or reminding yourself you are safe right now.

Final Thoughts

Just like we have a smoke alarm in our homes, we also have an internal alarm in our bodies. We don’t want to turn it off because we need it for safety. However, it is essential to monitor what causes our triggers. Rather than react to them, we can be aware of them. When we know what triggers us, we can respond by setting boundaries, staying present in our body, and talking it out with someone. Instead of trying to eliminate our triggers, we can focus on managing them in a healthy way.

Photo by Karolina from Pexels

I found a video on YouTube that gave me a new perspective on what it means to heal. The video highlighted the significance of emotional regulation, self-compassion, patience, cognitive reframing, and forgiveness. You probably have something you want to heal, and it might not be easy. It will be transformative if you are willing to stay on the path of healing. Let’s start exploring together what that looks like.

The Importance of Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is essential to healing from a painful experience. One way we can do this is by identifying how we feel. It is often hard to admit it when you feel scared or sad because it feels uncomfortable. Some emotions are heavy, intense, and painful, which can prevent us from wanting to acknowledge them. However, I found acknowledging them can often create space to process them. It also creates an opportunity to change how you feel. If the emotion is too intense, consider taking a break or talking it out with a supportive friend. Journaling your thoughts or engaging in meditation are also great options for managing your emotions.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is crucial for emotional regulation. By practicing self-compassion, we improve our ability to manage emotions. For instance, when we feel fear, we may judge ourselves for that feeling. Thinking “I shouldn’t be afraid” may lead to feeling shame. Practicing self-compassion involves allowing oneself to feel fear without judgment. Affirmations such as “It’s normal to feel afraid,” “I can handle my emotions,” “My feelings do not define me,” and “I acknowledge and accept my fear,” can help you to accept your emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Be Patient with Yourself

The path of healing is a journey that requires patience. Healing resembles a circle, symbolizing the ongoing journey toward wholeness. It involves being receptive to the work necessary to heal. Part of the healing process is recognizing your triggers. You may have thought you had done all the healing work. But, a trigger may signal that there is something you are still working through. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge your progress. Healing is a process that takes time for everyone. Emotional wounds can leave profound scars, and similar to a physical wound, the deeper it is, the more care and time it needs to heal.

The Role of Forgiveness in Letting Go

Forgiveness is often a challenging but helpful way to let go of past hurts. Many of us have experienced hurt, and it’s not uncommon to feel weighed down by it. Clinging to resentment can hinder our progress and rob us of peace. Often, forgiveness is the key to finding peace. It is a personal choice that only you can decide for yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t justify the wrongs done; rather, it’s about letting go of resentment. To start, ask yourself, “What do I need to forgive myself for?” Write it down, beginning with “I forgive myself for.” Next, reflect on what you wish to forgive in others.

On the path to healing, I have learned to embrace the journey. When healing emotional wounds, practice emotional regulation, self-compassion, patience, cognitive reframing, and forgiveness. These practices have been critical to my healing process, and I hope they can be just as transformative for you.