For some people, being liked is more important than being who they are. For others, being themselves is more important than being liked. It is difficult to remain authentic when you’re concerned with being liked. This mindset can get you stuck in the approval trap. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. Instead of seeking external validation, embrace who you are. The right people will accept you.
The Approval Trap
Why do you need to be liked by everyone? I hope this question can help you to understand why being liked is important to you. It might feel uncomfortable to have someone dislike you because you feel safer being who people expect you to be. The rejection you faced in childhood may have taught you to abandon your authenticity to gain approval from others. The lesson in this scenario is not to change who you are to fit in but to be comfortable standing out.
Childhood Experiences
Are you still seeking the approval you didn’t get from your parents or peers from childhood? Maybe you don’t like being disliked because it reminds you of the rejection you experienced as a kid. Were you bullied in school or at home? Were you judged for being different? Were you criticized often? These painful experiences can explain why approval is so important to you. More important than being liked by everyone is accepting yourself.
Embrace Your Unique Qualities
What do you like about yourself? I want you to create a list of qualities you like about yourself. These are qualities that make you likable to the right people. These are also qualities that might make you disliked by the wrong people. One of the qualities I like most about myself is my resilience. Some admire that strength, while others may find it intimidating. Instead of dimming your light, allow it to shine. Who you are will draw in the right people and drive out the wrong people.
Don’t Take It Personal
How do you respond when someone dislikes you? Sometimes, the issue isn’t that people dislike you. It’s that people dislike what they don’t recognize in themselves. Sometimes, being yourself can make them feel insecure about who they are not. I want to make it clear that we are all enough. But not everyone believes that. When people feel inadequate, they can work on themselves or project onto others. I point this out not to judge the other person but to help you recognize someone’s feelings about you has little to do with you.
Surround Yourself with the Right People
You cannot control how people perceive you. You can control the people you surround yourself with. It isn’t that you need everyone to like you. It’s that you need to appreciate the people who already like you. You are likable. I think you forget this because you are more focused on the people who don’t accept you. While rejection might feel personal, it isn’t personal. Instead, think of it as a sign of incompatibility. You’re not compatible with everyone, and that’s okay.
Let Your Light Shine
It is normal to want to be liked, but don’t allow it to compromise your authenticity. I want you to be confident in who you are. I want you to recognize how likable you are. I want you to appreciate the people who like you. More importantly, I want you to allow your light to shine. It shines the brightest when you are authentic.