The way you show up in relationships often follows a pattern. Some patterns are healthy, such as open communication, empathy, and respect. Other patterns can be unhealthy, like codependency, lack of accountability, or avoidance of conflict. When you think of your relationships, what patterns are unhealthy? The reason this question is important is because unhealthy patterns can often ruin a relationship. The good news is that you can change your behaviors. The first step is to be self-aware.
Conflict Avoidance
An unhealthy pattern that some people may think is harmless is avoiding conflict. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your emotions openly and honestly, it indicates a fear of conflict. But conflict isn’t the issue here. The bigger problem is a lack of vulnerability, honesty, and communication. When these fundamentals are missing, it can often break down the foundation of a healthy relationship. While conflict can be uncomfortable, it’s a normal part of any healthy relationship. The way you navigate through it can either strengthen or break the relationship.
Unclear Communication
Although difficult conversations can be uncomfortable, they are essential for gaining clarity and understanding of each other. A lack of communication is often an unhealthy pattern that people bring into relationships. Some people don’t ask questions because they are afraid of the response. Others don’t communicate their expectations or needs because they don’t want to appear needy or demanding. To have a healthy relationship, it starts with open communication.
Codependency
When you are in a relationship, it is important to maintain interdependence. You want to have interests, goals, and friendships outside of your relationship. Often, people neglect their needs to fulfill their partner’s needs. This pattern is unhealthy and known as codependency. When you neglect your needs, you abandon yourself. It is crucial that you remain connected to your emotional needs. A healthy relationship involves taking care of your needs while also supporting the needs of others.
Lack of Accountability
Being accountable for your actions is key to maintaining respect and trust in a relationship. Another harmful pattern is avoiding responsibility and refusing to apologize for wrongdoing. At some point, you might unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you said something hurtful. To maintain safety and respect, be willing to be accountable for your actions and apologetic for your words.
Break Unhealthy Patterns
I want you to take time to identify your unhealthy relationship patterns. Is it avoidance of conflict, ineffective communication, codependency, or lack of accountability? Once you are aware of those patterns, consider ways you can change them. It might take some time, but unhealthy patterns can be broken.