What happens when the people closest to us betray us? For many of us, this leads to trust issues. We believe that if we can’t trust the people we’re close to, then we can’t trust anyone. On the surface, it appears to be trust issues, but beneath that lies unresolved trauma. When the people we depended on for our safety become the source of our pain, it creates internal conflict that can change how we view ourselves and others. As a defense mechanism, we protect ourselves by not trusting anyone. What we don’t realize is that our trust issues are the unresolved issues we have with people who hurt us.
Processing the Experience of Betrayal
When someone close to us betrays us, how do we process that experience? We might start to question our judgment: How could I not have seen this coming? To protect ourselves from that pain, we may become hypervigilant by assuming the worst about people, keeping others at a distance, or shutting down emotionally. These reactions are natural trauma responses, but they aren’t healthy ways to process betrayal. Instead, we can focus on understanding our feelings without blaming ourselves for someone else’s actions. Ask yourself: How did this experience make me feel? Reflecting on it is the first step toward healing.
Moving Through Painful Emotions
When we revisit a painful experience, the goal isn’t to relive it but to move through it. Betrayal is a difficult situation to process because it comes with heavy emotions and even physical sensations. We can feel the tightness in our chest or tension in our shoulders. In these moments, it’s okay to take a break and process it gradually. When processing trauma, it’s also helpful to co-regulate with a licensed therapist. They’re able to provide grounding techniques that can help us process painful emotions. While we can’t change what happened to us, we can change how we process our experience.
Rebuilding Trust and Setting Boundaries
Instead of generalizing everyone based on our past hurts, we can recognize that some people are trustworthy while others are not. Identifying those we can trust helps us realize that not everyone is the same. When considering whether someone is trustworthy, the main factors to evaluate are their consistency and their respect for you and others. Also, setting boundaries is an effective way to protect ourselves in relationships, especially after experiencing betrayal. While navigating the pain of betrayal can be incredibly tough, we can emerge from these experiences more resilient.