How Do You Process Sadness?  

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Sadness is a feeling that many people find uncomfortable to experience. It is known as one of the negative emotions we have as human beings. But sadness is just an emotion. Sure, it is uncomfortable, but it serves a purpose. I am learning that sadness can remind me of what I need and want. When processing an emotion like sadness, it is helpful to acknowledge sadness, identify the cause, reframe your perspective, practice gratitude, focus on your values, and get support. 

Allow Yourself to Feel Sad

Sadness can feel so uncomfortable that you might want to avoid it. I will admit I don’t like to feel sad, but I realize that it is an emotion that serves a function. When I feel sad, I recognize that it can be a reminder of what matters to me. One of the first things you can do to self-regulate your emotions is to acknowledge them. You might judge an emotion like sadness as negative. The judgment you have about certain emotions may prevent you from processing them. Instead, see emotions as an opportunity to gain insight. Emotions are also temporary. Once you get the information you need, you can allow it to serve you.

Give Context to Your Sadness

One of the most common reasons people feel sad is because of loneliness. I recognize that the sadness I was experiencing was reminding me that I needed to prioritize social connections. When processing sadness, it is helpful to identify experiences that may be causing this feeling. Other common reasons people feel sad are due to a breakup, the death of a loved one, job loss, or life changes. Consider journaling your feelings and the reasons behind them.

Reframe Your Perspective

The way you think affects the way you feel. You can change how you feel by asking yourself what is another way I can see this? You might be sad about a recent breakup, but have you considered the lessons you learned from the relationship? You can take what you learn into your new relationship and create an even better experience. It is also important to recognize how you feel is temporary. You feel sad right now. Adding right now to the end of this sentence can help you recognize that it is not permanent. You can take action to change how you feel. 

Focus on Your Values 

Sadness can remind you what you need and want more of in life. For example, feeling sad about the end of a relationship can remind you that you value meaningful connections. You can find ways to get this value met by taking actions that help you to build meaningful connections. Consider joining clubs or activities that interest you, attending social events, and spending time with friends and family.

Practice Gratitude 

Practicing gratitude is another way you can change your perspective. Write down 5-10 things you are grateful for. This practice can foster a more positive outlook, which can help you feel better. By shifting your attention to something positive, you are changing your focus. When you change your focus to something more positive, you feel more empowered to take action to fix what is causing you sadness.

Get Support

If you’re struggling, reach out to family and friends for support. Although you feel alone, you are not alone. People want to support you. Admitting when you feel sad allows others to help you. If you notice your sadness persists for longer than two weeks, it might be time to seek professional help from a therapist.

Final Takeaway

Sadness is an emotion that may not be easy to process. However, it is an emotion that serves as a function to guide you back to what you need. If you want this guidance, be willing to sit in the discomfort. It might be hard, but acknowledge your sadness. Next, write down what is causing you sadness. Then, reframe your perspective. You can do this by focusing on the lessons and practicing gratitude. Last but not least, reach out for support. You are not alone, and there is help available for you. 

What Is Your Comfort Zone?

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Everyone has a comfort zone, but many people find it challenging to step outside of it. If you are not careful, you can allow your need for comfort to hold you back. Consequently, you might miss out on opportunities that can help you to grow. Or you might even miss out on having an exciting life. It is okay to feel uncomfortable, but do not allow it to get in the way of where you want to be. To experience love, success, and fulfillment, stepping out of your comfort zone is essential. While I acknowledge the importance of this, I also understand that it can be challenging. The key is to be comfortable being uncomfortable. 

Accept The Discomfort

Some people stay in their comfort zone because they dislike feeling uncomfortable. It can be the fear of the unknown that holds them back. You might have a good life, but you want more. You want to feel fulfilled, but you are afraid of going after what you want because you do not want to be disappointed. You might even be bored with your day-to-day routine, but it is familiar. You would rather stay in what you know than what you do not know. The first step to leaving your comfort zone is accepting the discomfort.

What If?

You might want to try something new, but think, “What if I don’t like it? What if I have a bad experience? What if it does not go the way I planned? What if I fail?” These thoughts often give you a sense of control over the outcome, but you can not always control what happens. You can control your thoughts and, more importantly, which thoughts you focus on. Imagine if you replaced those negative scenarios with positive outcomes instead.

Shift Your Mindset 

When you feel uncomfortable, it can be easy to imagine things going wrong. But have you ever considered that things can go well? Often, your anxiety can keep you safe from potential threats. But then there are other times it keeps you from your potential. The way you think affects the way you behave. If you want to feel more confident, it starts with thinking more helpful and positive thoughts. Replace “What if I fail”? with “What if I succeed?” “What if I have a bad experience?” with “What if I have a good experience?” When you have a more positive outlook, you can push past the discomfort to get where you want to be. 

Develop a Growth Mindset 

Although you can have a positive mindset, that does not guarantee that the outcome will go your way. Sometimes, you can have a positive outlook and be disappointed. I believe people stay in their comfort zone because they believe they can not handle the disappointment. That is known as a fixed mindset. Although you have limitations, you are capable of growth. You can develop your skills. You can change your mindset. You can change your behavior. You can go beyond who you are and become who you want to be. A growth mindset is allowing yourself to be better and do better. 

Practice Self-Compassion

When you practice self-compassion, you build your self-esteem. When you have high self-esteem, you have confidence in yourself. This confidence is essential to getting out of your comfort zone. It is also important to embrace your imperfections. Instead of being critical of yourself, be more understanding of who you are. Sometimes, you might revert to what is familiar because it is more comfortable. Be patient with yourself because change takes time. Acknowledge your progress instead of focusing on being perfect.

Be Consistent

If you make stepping outside your comfort zone a habit, it can become second nature. It can start small, like ordering something new for lunch. We are creatures of habit and wire to like what is familiar. The good news is that the more we get out of our comfort zone, the more it becomes familiar. The more familiar it becomes, the easier it is to become a new habit. Consider small ways you can get out of your comfort zone regularly. Keep track of each time you step outside your comfort zone. Reflecting on these moments can help you feel more confident and motivated to try new things.

Remember Your Why

I know how challenging it is to get outside your comfort zone, and anxiety has often prevented me from being open to trying new things. When I feel anxious, I consider why I am taking action to get out of my comfort zone. I recognize that the desire to reach a goal or experience something new is worth the discomfort. I want a fulfilling life, which means stepping outside my comfort zone. It does not necessarily mean it is easy, but it does hold me accountable for creating the life I want. Consider what you value most and allow this to motivate you to step out of your comfort zone. 

Final Thoughts 

I have a confession. I wrote this post to help me get outside my comfort zone. I understand firsthand how hard it can be. I also recognize that I am capable of getting past the discomfort and I believe you can too. The first key is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You can do this by shifting your mindset, developing a growth mindset, practicing self-compassion, staying consistent, and remembering the why. 

How Often Do You Spend Time Alone?

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We are social creatures, and being connected to people is an innate need. However, there are moments when we need to reconnect with ourselves, and this is where solitude is essential. Unlike isolation, which signifies a disconnection from ourselves and others, solitude offers an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. Knowing how to differentiate between the two is critical because one can transform you, while the other can have negative effects.

Are You Isolating?

When facing a challenging time, who do you turn to for support? Some individuals have supportive people in their lives, but they might not feel comfortable relying on them for help. Many suffer in silence because they fear vulnerability, believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness. As a result, they struggle to express themselves and often isolate themselves from others in times of distress. This isolation prevents them from receiving the support they need to overcome challenges and fosters the false belief that they can’t rely on people. In reality, the support we receive from others builds our resilience, enabling us to navigate difficult times more effectively.

Are You Dealing with Depression? 

Some people isolate because they are dealing with depression. It is not always easy to reach out for support when you are depressed. Depression can take a toll on your mental and physical health as well. Some symptoms of depression include: 

  • Depressed mood 
  • Feeling worthless  
  • Lack of motivation 
  • Sleep disturbances 
  • Fatigue, tiredness, or loss of energy  
  • Loss of interest in hobbies and activities 
  • Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
  • Difficulty concentrating 

Are You Dealing with Social Anxiety?

Another reason people isolate is because they have anxiety about social interactions. You might be afraid of being rejected or judged by others. This fear can make social situations overwhelming and cause you to avoid them. 

 Cognitive symptoms:

  • Fearing situations where you don’t know other people
  • Worrying that you will be judged by others
  • Fear of becoming embarrassed or being humiliated
  • Thinking that others will notice your anxiety
  • Dreading upcoming events weeks in advance

Physical symptoms:

  • Blushing
  • Profuse sweating
  • Trembling hands
  • Muscle tension
  • Racing heart

Breaking Free from Isolation 

People isolate themselves for various reasons, which is not always best for our well-being. It is important to stay connected with ourselves and others to experience a healthy and fulfilling life. When we isolate, we disconnect from ourselves, which can lead us to feel lonely, depressed, and anxious. Instead, we must stay connected with ourselves and reach out to the people who can support us. If we do not have that support, we can find it through local communities, therapy, church, or online support groups.  

Embracing Solitude 

Unlike isolation, solitude is an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves. During our time alone, we can use it to self-reflect, foster creativity, and gain clarity. We can express ourselves through journaling or engaging in creative outlets. Through these forms of expression, we can explore our thoughts and emotions more deeply, leading to transformation. Consider taking time out of your day to journal about the following: 

  • What challenges am I facing? 
  • What actions can I take to achieve my goals and dreams? 
  • What beliefs or behaviors are preventing me from living the life I want? 
  • What values do I need to prioritize more in my life? 
  • What are some past experiences that have shaped my approach to relationships?
  • What fears or beliefs keep me from reaching out to others?
  • What do I need more in my life right now? 
  • When was the last time I felt happy? 
  • Where do I want to be one year from now? 
  • What is my purpose? 

These questions can help you gain clarity and discover new things about yourself.

Final Thoughts 

When we isolate ourselves, we disconnect from the world and our needs. But solitude can help us reconnect with who we are. It is a chance to gain insights and make positive changes for our growth. Being alone is not a bad thing. It is more about how you choose to spend your time alone.

How Solitude Can Be a Gift to You

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Many people fear being alone, but it can often be the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Life can get busy, and having some time to check in with you can be powerful and transformative. There is a chance for growth, healing, creativity, and clarity. I want to help you see how solitude can be a gift to you. 

Solitude has helped me to grow

During this time in my life, I have more time to myself. I have time to self-reflect on my life and identify what is working for me and what is not working for me. This clarity has guided me to make choices that align with my values. I am more clear about what I want and willing to take action to get there. I also recognize what I need to work on and strive to improve. Through self-compassion, I have learned to give myself grace and challenge limiting beliefs. I recognized I had the power to change, and I could take one step at a time. 

Solitude has been healing for me

​The biggest lesson I have learned is that my worth is innate. Often, phrases like these can sound cliché, but it is a truth I am glad I discovered. I once believed my worth depended on others’ opinions and that I had to earn it, but now I know I do not have to work for it. My worth is already there, just waiting to be realized. When you know you are worthy, you feel more confident in who you are. This confidence allows you to pursue the life that you want. 

Solitude has taught me that I deserve to be happy

Once I recognized my worth was innate, I felt more deserving of the life I wanted. As a result, I am more intentional about taking actions that align with my values. I challenge myself when I feel afraid because I know that pushing past the fear will help me get to where I want to be. I am not as hard on myself now because I believe I deserve to be happy. I prioritize my mental health, and I am willing to ask for help because I believe I deserve to be supported. 

Solitude has helped me identify what my needs are

Being aware of my needs has helped me to evaluate my relationships. It made it easier to recognize relationships that no longer served me. It also helped me realize what needs were most important to me. I also learned the role I played in my needs going unmet. I did not communicate my needs consistently and chose people who could not meet my needs. I realized that I deserved to have my needs met and took actions that aligned with this belief. 

Solitude helped me to be more intentional

Once I realized that I was the common denominator in all my relationships, I understood that the change I desired started with me. It began with me identifying my needs, wants, and dealbreakers. This information helped me to evaluate what relationships to pursue. I also recognized the importance of communicating my needs, asking questions, and having shared values. It was no longer enough to enjoy someone’s company. It was about identifying who I am compatible with and creating the foundation for long-lasting relationships.

Solitude taught me to trust myself

I was having a hard time making a decision about a new relationship. I met someone who had great qualities, but there was one dealbreaker.  I knew I wanted to make new friends that were long-lasting and realized that it was best that I did not pursue the friendship. It was a difficult decision at the moment, but in the long run, it was the best decision. I look back on that day and realize that the peace I had in my decision was enough to know I did the right thing. 

Solitude gives me time to be creative

I knew that there was more to life than what I was doing. I always wanted to start a blog but never considered myself creative enough. I decided that I would give it a try, and it has given me so much fulfillment. I enjoy creating content that can make a difference in people’s lives. I still do not consider myself creative, but I may need to challenge that belief. Writing is a creative process, and I take pride in sharing my passion with others.  

The Gifts of Solitude

Solitude can be a gift. I have shared seven with you today. But I hope that by reading this, you can discover the gifts solitude has given you. To recap, here are the seven gifts of solitude I have found in my life. 

  1. The gift of growth 
  2. The gift of healing 
  3. The gift of happiness 
  4. The gift of knowledge 
  5. The gift of clarity 
  6. The gift of trust 
  7. The gift of creativity 

The next time you are alone, I hope you can see it as a gift.

What Makes Your Friendships Meaningful?

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We live in an age where technology connects us across the globe. Yet, despite the rise of social media and constant online interactions, many people report feeling lonelier than ever. While we’re more connected virtually, many of us crave something deeper—meaningful connections that enrich our lives. Research shows that quality friendships enhance our mental well-being and lead to a longer, healthier life. So, what makes a friendship truly meaningful? I believe meaningful friendships have these five components: acceptance, vulnerability, quality time, support, and appreciation.

The Role of Acceptance

Building meaningful connections hinges on acceptance. Our human desire to belong drives us to seek others’ approval. Yet, not everyone will accept you as you are. The key is to find those who do and invest in those relationships. Acceptance goes both ways; your friends also need to feel comfortable being themselves around you. Fostering a space of mutual acceptance forges stronger and more genuine connections.

Embrace Vulnerability

Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes that vulnerability involves sharing your feelings and experiences with those who have earned the right to hear them. While opening up can be uncomfortable, it is essential for building genuine relationships. Building vulnerability is a gradual process that requires trust and consistency. As you feel safe within the relationship, you are more likely to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly. Consider the following questions to foster vulnerability in your friendships:

  • When was the last time you felt misunderstood? 
  • How do you like to be supported when you’re going through a tough time?
  • What do you wish people knew about your inner struggles?
  • What emotion do you find hardest to share with others?
  • What brings you joy, and how do you nurture that joy?
  • What do you need most from your friendships to feel supported?
  • How do you handle conflicts or disagreements in friendships?
  • What is a question you wish people would ask you more often?
  • What makes you feel safe enough to be vulnerable with someone?
  • What do you value most in your friendships? 

Spend Time Together

Research indicates that the quality of your relationships can significantly improve your life expectancy, while loneliness has effects similar to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Understanding this highlights the importance of cultivating meaningful connections and emphasizes the need to prioritize your friendships. Planning one-on-one outings is an excellent way to strengthen these bonds, as it fosters an intimate environment where you can openly share your thoughts and feelings. Additionally, engaging in shared hobbies allows you to create enjoyable experiences together, deepening your connection. Finally, be fully present by putting away your phone and engaging in conversation.

Show Support

Another aspect of a meaningful connection is support. It is about being there through both the highs and lows. During challenging times, your friend may need emotional support. Be there to listen, offer advice, and validate their feelings. Equally important is celebrating your friends’ milestones. Acknowledging their achievements, whether it’s a wedding, the birth of a child, or a job promotion, reinforces the bond you share. Take the time to express your happiness for them through thoughtful gestures, such as attending their celebrations, sending congratulatory messages, or giving meaningful gifts.

Show Appreciation

Appreciation is another vital part of meaningful relationships. Knowing your friend’s love language can help you express your gratitude in a way that resonates with them.  If your friend’s love language is words of affirmation, express your appreciation through compliments, heartfelt notes, and encouraging messages. If your friend’s love language is acts of service, consider treating them to lunch or running an errand for them. By tailoring your gestures to their love language, you can deepen your connection and make them feel valued.

The Path to Deeper Connections

I believe many people desire to have meaningful connections but may not know how to cultivate them. You can develop more fulfilling relationships through acceptance, vulnerability, quality time, support, and appreciation. By incorporating these qualities into your interactions, you can build stronger bonds and improve your quality of life. 

What Ways do You Self-Sabotage?

We all have dreams and goals that we want to achieve, but what if I told you the only person standing in between what you want is YOU. Self-sabotage is a common reason people don’t have the life they want. They find ways to sabotage what they desire. I want to help you identify ways you self-sabotage and help you to make choices that align with your values.

Signs of Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage behavior refers to intentional action (or inaction) that undermines people’s progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals. Some signs of self-sabotage include:

  • Procrastination
  • Perfectionism
  • Not asking for help
  • Being inconsistent
  • Giving up prematurely
  • Not taking risks
  • Making excuses
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Limiting beliefs
  • Ignoring red flags

Become Self-Aware

The purpose of creating this list is not to beat yourself up but to create awareness around your behaviors. You want to make sure your actions match what you desire. The first step is to recognize what behaviors contradict what you want. If you want a healthy relationship, consider ways your beliefs or behaviors undermine it. Do you ignore red flags? Do you make excuses for not putting yourself out there? Or do you believe you are unworthy of love? These questions can bring awareness to ways you self-sabotage.

Reasons You Self-Sabotage

Now that you can identify ways you self-sabotage, you might wonder why you do it. Here are some common reasons:

1. It Is Familiar

One reason we hold ourselves back is because it is familiar. For example, if you experience emotional neglect from your parents, you might find yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable people. You may want to be in a healthy relationship but ignore red flags. Your desire does not align with your action, and this is an example of self-sabotage.

2. Low Self-Esteem

Another reason people self-sabotage is because of low self-esteem. When you grow up as a child not getting your needs met, you might develop beliefs that you are not enough, there is something wrong with you, you can’t trust people, and you are unworthy of love. Although these beliefs are untrue, many people struggle to challenge them. When you do not challenge these beliefs, you allow them to get in the way of what you want.

3. Fear of Failure 

Failure is only temporary when you do not give up. The fear of failure can hinder you from going after what you want. Perhaps you are eager to launch a business, yet anxiety holds you back. Or you want to go back to school for an advanced degree but dread the difficulty of the coursework. Avoiding challenges and shying away from risks is often a sign you are afraid to fail.

4. Perfectionism

Self-sabotage is often rooted in perfectionism. One sign that perfectionism may be an obstacle is the mindset of all-or-nothing thinking, where you believe there is only failure and success. This perspective leads to setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, which can hinder your ability to achieve your goals.

Make A Change 

When you become aware, you have the power to change. Self-sabotage no longer has to get in the way of the dreams and goals you have for yourself. You can make choices that align with your values. It is not enough to want something. You must be willing to take action to get there. Consider the following questions:

  • What actions can I take to support my goals and desires? 
  • What patterns of behaviors are preventing me from succeeding? 
  • What beliefs do I need to challenge to feel worthy of success? 
  • What values do I need to prioritize more in my life? 
  • What is one choice I can make to achieve my goals?
  • What progress have I made to achieve my goals?

These questions can keep you in alignment with what you want. 

In Summary

Self-sabotage is a common way we hold ourselves back, but the good news is that you can shift. You can make a change and have what you want. It starts with you. Believe you are worthy of what you want and make choices that align with your values. 

How Do You Deal with Loneliness?

Loneliness is more common than you may think. Almost half of Americans feel lonely. If you are experiencing loneliness, know that you are not alone. Loneliness does not have to be a state of permanence. You can overcome it by taking actions that help you to connect with yourself and others. Some ways to connect include reaching out to friends, joining a class or club, talking to a therapist, finding a support group, and embracing solitude. 

You Are Not Alone

Feeling lonely is a common experience and not something to be embarrassed about. At some point in life, many people feel lonely. One of the first things you can do is reach out.

Reach Out to Your Friends

If you have friends, let them know when you are feeling sad. By sharing your feelings, your friends can offer the support you need. Make plans with your friends and express to them how important it is to stay connected. Also, consider mutual friends that you may have or old friends you haven’t spoken with for a while. Taking this one step can help you feel connected again.

Join a Class or Club

You might not have many friends you can talk to, but that doesn’t mean you should suffer alone. Consider ways you can make new friends. One of the best ways to meet new people is by joining a class or club related to your hobbies. You can improve your odds of making new connections by attending a class regularly. You can join a fitness class. You can join a book club. You can try the meet-up app. Or even start your own class. Although I know this might be helpful advice for some, I recognize that some individuals face obstacles that make socializing challenging. Seeking therapy can be beneficial if you feel that your mental health is hindering your ability to form new friendships.

Find a Therapist

Depression and social anxiety can be a barrier to making the connections you desire. You might not have the motivation to make new friends because you are dealing with depression. Or you might have anxiety that causes you to avoid social settings. It often requires professional counseling before you can navigate new relationships. A therapist can provide a safe space for you to express yourself and provide you with the right tools to manage anxiety and depression. Some people may be reluctant to admit they need help because they believe it is a weakness. On the contrary, it demonstrates tremendous strength and courage when admitting you need support. It may not be easy to reach out, but remember it is important to prioritize your mental health.

Join a Support Group

Sometimes, connecting with others who may share the same challenges can help you to feel less alone. Support groups also provide a safe space for people to open up. Someone might share an experience that you have gone through. It can be validating to know that you can relate to other people. You may even learn from others how to cope in similar circumstances. You can find support groups through online searches, healthcare providers, nonprofit organizations, and local community resources.

Embrace Solitude

Solitude can be a gift to reconnect you to yourself. Prioritize a self-care activity like journaling. Writing in a journal can help you process your feelings, develop self-awareness, and gain clarity. Through self-reflection, you can identify the root cause of your loneliness and work towards resolving it. Being alone can also be enjoyable. Consider doing things you enjoy, such as reading a book or watching your favorite show. Solitude can also help you to discover new passions like photography, cooking, and creative writing.

Final Thoughts

The key to overcoming loneliness is to reconnect with yourself and others. You can achieve this by reaching out to friends, joining a class, finding a therapist, attending a support group, and embracing solitude. You are not alone. You don’t have to deal with loneliness by yourself. Get the support you need. Because your mental health matters!