You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them. When I hear this saying, it makes me think of my family. As much as I love them, I’ve learned that even the closest relationships need boundaries. If the intimate relationships in your life don’t have boundaries, then how safe is that relationship? A relationship without boundaries can jeopardize your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Boundaries aren’t optional; they are essential for secure and healthy relationships.
Closeness ≠ Respect
Who in your family are you the closest to? Who in your family respects you? What is interesting about these two questions is that the person we might be closest to may not respect us. Now, that’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s also eye-opening for how we can be intentional about our relationships. Let’s debunk the myth that we don’t need boundaries in close relationships. We do because without them, we lose our self-respect. If we don’t respect ourselves, we often find that people don’t respect us either. Love and respect go hand in hand. Boundaries set the foundation for both to coexist.
Protecting Your Well-Being
For some of us, setting boundaries with our parents can be difficult. We may be afraid of upsetting them or being perceived as disrespectful. While these are valid concerns, I don’t want them to prevent us from having boundaries. Instead, it is important to challenge our beliefs and become more comfortable with others being upset with us. Often, those of us who struggle with setting boundaries tend to be people pleasers. It’s not our responsibility to please anyone, but it is our responsibility to protect our well-being.
Loving from a Distance
Family relationships are often lifelong, making them an excellent opportunity to practice setting and maintaining boundaries. Setting a boundary for the first time might feel uncomfortable, but like building a new muscle, consistency is key. Over time, boundary-setting becomes a habit. If a family member says something hurtful, talk to them about it; they may not realize the impact of their words. But if the behavior continues, it’s okay to step back. Sometimes loving someone from a distance means limiting the time you spend together.
Turning Insight into Action
Boundaries are the foundation for safe and loving relationships. While being close to our family is important, let’s not forget to have boundaries. I’ll leave you with two questions. How might your relationships change if you prioritized your emotional well-being, and what is one boundary you can set today to support that shift?