Month: August 2024

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Expectations in a relationship can often lead to resentment when they go unmet. It is important to know how to manage our expectations to prevent us from feeling disappointed or resentful towards the people we are in relationships with. Instead, we can evaluate our expectations, communicate our needs, recognize people’s limitations, make agreements, let go of our expectations, and move towards what we want. 

Understand the Origins of Expectations

Managing our expectations can begin by understanding their origins. Many expectations arise from societal or familial influences. Others may stem from personal experiences. Recognizing the source of our expectations helps us assess how reasonable they are. Expecting respect, honesty, and support in relationships is reasonable. However, anticipating others to fulfill unexpressed needs is not. It’s also worth considering the flexibility of our expectations: are they negotiable or dealbreakers?

Communicate Your Needs

Resentment often arises from unmet expectations. It’s crucial to communicate our needs clearly to have them met, as others cannot provide what they are unaware we require. We may assume or expect others to know our needs, but rather than placing the burden on them, we should express our needs directly. Sharing the significance of these needs and how their fulfillment would impact us can be beneficial. By doing so, we can form agreements with others by requesting what we need and giving them the choice to agree.

Although we can express our needs to others, we cannot control whether the other person meets them. Everyone has limitations that might prevent them from fulfilling the needs of those they care about. A common barrier is a lack of awareness or understanding. If someone doesn’t know about your needs or how to satisfy them, consider providing specific ways that need can be met. Additionally, personal issues such as unresolved trauma can hinder someone’s ability to meet your needs until they have addressed their own.

Accept What You Cannot Change

Sometimes, improving our relationships involves letting go of our expectations of who we want someone to be and accepting them as they are. A single person may not fulfill all our needs, but do they satisfy most of our needs? Whether their inability to meet certain needs is a dealbreaker is up to you to determine. It’s about deciding what you’re willing to compromise on and what you’re not. This process often leads to the realization that the person may not be the best fit for you. Rather than expecting someone to fit your needs, it might be worth finding people capable of meeting your needs.

Know When to Move On

There may come a time when you decide to move on to fulfill your needs. We often expect our friend or significant other to meet these needs, but they may be unable or unwilling to do so. If communication has occurred and your needs remain unmet, this may indicate it’s time to end the relationship. Sometimes, letting go is in your best interest. We all deserve to have our needs met, and being open to letting go of unfulfilling relationships can lead you closer to what you desire. It opens the door for connections with those who can meet your needs.

Managing expectations is crucial because unmet expectations can result in disappointment. We can do this by evaluating our expectations, communicating our needs, recognizing people’s limitations, making agreements, letting go of our expectations, and moving towards what we want. We are all worth having our needs met. 

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Emotional intelligence is a great skill to have. We can increase our emotional intelligence by understanding ourselves and others. Individuals with high levels of emotional intelligence have these five components: empathy, social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation. These attributes often play a crucial role in fostering better relationships and enhancing overall well-being.

Understanding Empathy

Empathy is one of the components of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to understand the emotions and perspectives of others. We can exercise our empathy by listening to understand and not to respond. After they share their feelings or thoughts, repeat to them what you heard. Start your response with I heard you say and ask them if you heard them correctly. Often, you may not agree with their perspective. However, empathy is about seeking to understand. You may not have the same perspective, but putting yourself in their shoes makes it easier to understand their point of view.

Enhancing Social Skills

Social skills are another vital component of emotional intelligence. The way we communicate verbally and nonverbally shows our level of emotional intelligence. Non-verbal cues like eye contact, body language, and tone of voice are things to consider when communicating. Maintaining eye contact and open body language is a great way to create an environment for open communication. Social skills also encompass active listening. Listen to understand and ask open-ended questions to gain a better understanding. You want to not only be able to communicate your point but also hear the other person’s perspective.

Cultivating Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is an essential part of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to understand your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. It is also recognizing how our words and behaviors impact others. Self-awareness can be developed by asking for feedback. Often, we are not able to see what other people see. Feedback from others can give us insight into how we are perceived. Some feedback may not be easy to receive, but remaining open to it creates an opportunity to grow. You can also develop self-awareness through journaling, mindfulness, and self-reflection.

Mastering Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is at the heart of emotional intelligence. Some emotions may be more challenging, but knowing how to manage all emotions is a crucial part of self-regulation. Accepting how you feel can allow you to process your emotions. Reframe from judging your feelings. Instead, view your emotions as information and separate from who you are. Instead of saying I am sad. Say I am feeling sad, or I am experiencing sadness. It is also okay to take a break if your emotions become too intense or talk through emotions with a supportive friend.

Fostering Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is the final component of emotional intelligence. It refers to the internal desire to pursue activities or goals for enjoyment rather than external rewards. Intrinsic motivation has three key elements: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Self-motivation allows you to take initiative and find fulfillment in acquiring new knowledge. It also fosters personal growth, which can lead to self-actualization. You can increase motivation by celebrating small victories, setting clear goals, and finding purposeful work.

Emotional intelligence is a valuable skill that enhances well-being and fosters connections with the world. It comprises five components: empathy, social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation. Consider these components as you work to improve your emotional intelligence.

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Many individuals grapple with the question, “What is my purpose?” However, finding the answer can make life more fulfilling. You can discover your purpose by asking questions like Who am I? What are my strengths? What motivates me? What do I enjoy? Who inspires me? Answering these can guide you to the ultimate question: What is my purpose?

Step 1: Know Yourself

Knowing who you are is the first step to uncovering your purpose. When you know who you are, you know who you were born to be. I intentionally say be because your purpose is not about doing but rather being. Who you are goes beyond a role or occupation. It is about understanding what your values are. Identifying your top five values is a great starting point. When you know what you value, you can find your purpose more easily. Values give direction that leads you to where you want to be. 

Step 2: Identify Your Strengths

Another way to discover your purpose is by identifying your strengths. Whether big or small, your strengths can make a difference in the world. Take time to list your strengths and ask yourself how you can use these strengths to create purpose in your life. My strengths are my curiosity and compassion for others. I enjoy learning and sharing knowledge with others. Blogging has enabled me to leverage my strengths to create a positive impact. When we find enjoyment in doing the things we are good at, we can cultivate purpose. 

Step 3: Understand Your Motivations

We are all motivated by something, and understanding what drives you can lead you to take actions that align with your purpose. Reflecting on what brings you sadness or joy can also shed light on where your motivations are rooted. If injustice saddens you, perhaps advocacy for others could be your calling. Or maybe you feel happy giving back and find purpose in philanthropy.

Step 4: Find Inspiration in Role Models

Sometimes, your purpose reveals itself through inspiration. The people you admire can often help you realize who you want to be. I saw who I could be through Maya Angelou. I saw a woman with resilience, grace, wisdom, and confidence. I wanted to be the phenomenal woman she wrote about in her poem. She helped me to discover my purpose by living out her purpose. Having role models allows you to envision what is possible for yourself. Consider the people who inspire you and ask yourself what qualities resonate with you the most, and how can you find purpose in embodying these same qualities?

Unlocking Your Purpose

Everyone has a purpose, though finding it can be a challenge. Fortunately, the key to uncovering your purpose lies within. By gaining insight into your identity, recognizing your strengths, understanding your motivations, embracing what brings you joy, and identifying who inspires you, you can unlock the path to your purpose. Remember, your purpose lies in being you. 

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One personal challenge for me is perfectionism. The first time I was conscious of my perfectionism was in college. My friend was sitting next to me as I took notes. I had a habit of rewriting my notes to make them look perfect. My friend noticed I was about to erase something I had written and stopped me. I felt challenged, but it helped me understand things don’t always need to be perfect. We can overcome perfectionism by identifying the cause, challenging all-or-nothing thinking, focusing on progress, practicing self-compassion, and letting go of comparison.

Identifying the Root Cause

The first step to resolving a problem is identifying the cause of it. I remember my early childhood when my aunt would review my homework and mark all my mistakes with a red pen. It helped me to become more diligent, but it also led to me becoming a perfectionist. Even if there were a few errors, I would have to rewrite the whole thing. I internalized this experience and believed that my best wasn’t good enough. In college, I found myself rewriting notes not for study purposes but for visual appeal. I realized I was repeating a behavior I had learned from my aunt.

Letting Go of Comparisons

The way we can overcome perfectionism is by not comparing ourselves to others. Letting go of comparisons eliminates the need to measure up to another person’s standard. I would rewrite my notes because I wanted them like one of my classmates. One of my classmates had beautiful penmanship and color-coordinated her notes in different colors. I didn’t trust that my standard was good enough, so I created a standard that I believed was better. I wanted my notes to look aesthetically pleasing so it would take longer to make notes.

Shifting Focus from Perfection to Progress

Perfectionism often slows you down. Every time I rewrote my notes, it took time away from studying. The best way to deal with perfectionism is by focusing on making progress. I had to shift from focusing on the aesthetic of notes to creating notes that helped me understand the material of a class. I challenged the all-or-nothing thinking that only perfection was acceptable. Through self-compassion, I recognize that I am unique and my best is enough. I learned to accept myself as is and not strive to be worthy through perfection but recognize I am already worthy.

Embracing Your Worth

I may have recognized my perfectionism in college, but it started in childhood. Often, we need to revisit our early childhood experiences to identify behaviors we need to unlearn. The first step to overcoming perfectionism is to identify the root cause. Then, we can challenge our beliefs through self-compassion. Instead of focusing on perfection, we shift to progress. Lastly, we unlearn the belief that we are not good enough by not comparing ourselves to others. Our worth lies in who you are, not in who you think you should be. I hope your takeaway is that you don’t need to be perfect to be enough. You are enough as you are.