Month: October 2025

How Do You Define Accountability in Relationships?

A troubled couple sits outdoors during a deeply emotional conversation.

One of the most infamous breakup lines is, “It’s not you, it’s me.” However, some people tend to think the opposite: “It’s not me, it’s you.” What if we could see our relationships as mirrors? We might realize they are showing us parts of ourselves we don’t see. After all, we are the common denominator in every relationship. It could be time we acknowledge, “It’s me.” We could have handled things differently. Accountability isn’t about blaming ourselves; it’s about taking responsibility for our choices.

Know Your Worth

One thing that may be holding us back from the relationship we want is the person we choose. If we want a healthy and loving relationship, it starts with picking someone who respects us. Before love, there should be respect. Do they honor your time, boundaries, and opinions? If they don’t value you, they won’t know how to treat you. Self-respect empowers us to walk away from relationships that don’t serve us. It’s not about controlling others, but about setting standards for how we allow ourselves to be treated.

Turning Pain Into Insight

Many people carry shame about not leaving a toxic relationship sooner. Instead of judging ourselves for how long we stayed, we might ask: What boundaries will I set in my next relationship? What patterns did I notice early on? What do I need to heal to be ready for a healthy relationship? These questions give insight and prepare us for the next relationship. While breakups can be heartbreaking, they aren’t meant to last forever. Our past can’t be changed, but our future can. By learning from our experiences, we move closer to what we desire. 

Final Thoughts

Accountability begins with the realization: “It’s me, not you.” What can I learn? What can I do differently? How can I grow? Our relationships are mirrors, and only when we’re willing to look at ourselves without judgment can we learn the lessons.

When Was the Last Time You Broke Routine?

Contemporary hotel room with a man tying shoes in a bright Toronto setting.

A routine can give structure to our lives, but if we’re not careful, it can also take away spontaneity. Recently, I learned how to find a balance between the two. Structure helps me stay disciplined and consistent, while spontaneity allows me to embrace new experiences. I realized that if I wanted something different, it started with breaking my routine. When was the last time you broke your routine? 

The Comfort of Structure

Structure gives me peace of mind, but it was also keeping me stuck in my comfort zone. Instead of making big changes to my routine, I started small by changing the time I did things. I learned that being just a little more open could lead to unexpected experiences. By learning how to make small changes, I became more comfortable stepping outside my comfort zone. While I still value structure, I’ve learned that a little flexibility can go a long way.

The Power of Small Steps

I started small and worked my way up. Even small changes felt uncomfortable, but I’ve learned to manage that discomfort. Once, I visited a store I’d never been to and ended up finding a great deal. It was unfamiliar and out of my routine. Initially, I was reluctant to go to this store, but I stepped outside my comfort zone. I didn’t want fear to limit my life experience. Fear isn’t something you cure, it’s something you face. That day, I learned that one small change can lead to significant growth. 

Be Spontaneous

How predictable is your life? Hold on to that answer. Now, how exciting is your life? If your life is predictable, but not exciting, I invite you to be more spontaneous. It doesn’t have to be dramatic; it can be small. Consider doing something different this week. Then, I want you to reflect on the experience. You might discover that a little spontaneity goes a long way. 

What Is Missing in Your Current Relationship?

An upset couple seated on a park bench, expressing frustration during an autumn day.

You’re not asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person. Healthy relationships are reciprocal; they pour into each other’s cups. Our cups represent what we’re able to give in a relationship. If you saw someone with an empty cup, you wouldn’t ask them for water. Yet, how often do we ask people to give us something they don’t have? It’s not wrong to ask for what you need; it’s just important to recognize when someone doesn’t have the capacity to give it.

Fill Your Cup First

What fills your cup? Before entering a relationship, you might consider filling your cup first. After all, you can only give what you have. The best way to keep your cup full is through self-care. Many people neglect themselves by not having a self-care routine. For me, journaling is my go-to practice. It’s more than just writing words on paper. It’s about showing up for myself consistently. If you want to give more in relationships, start by pouring into yourself.

Give and Take: The Balance of Healthy Love

Have you ever felt neglected in a relationship? Oftentimes, it happens because you’re not pouring into yourself or you’re pouring into an empty cup. Everyone comes into a relationship with a cup. Some cups are full while others are empty. It isn’t your responsibility to fill an empty cup. If you fill an empty cup, you’re giving too much of yourself. Healthy relationships strike a balance between giving and taking. It isn’t just about what you can provide but also what you can receive. The next time you feel neglected in a relationship, ask yourself: Is it a lack of self-care or a lack of reciprocity?

Final Thoughts

While it’s important to know what you need in a relationship, it’s equally important to know who can meet those needs. If you learn how to show up for yourself, you’re less likely to stay in relationships that don’t show up for you. When you have a full cup, you keep it full by being with people who also have a full cup. Never stop asking for what you need. Just make sure you’re asking the right person.

How Often Do You Compare Yourself to Others?

Young woman using smartphone while relaxing at a café. Latte on the table.

The key to feeling better about ourselves isn’t about being like anyone other than who we are. Too often, we fall into the trap of social comparison. We allow how we look, who we know, and what we have to validate who we are. Or maybe we feel intimidated by someone we deem as better looking, more successful, and well-liked. We focus on their strengths while overlooking ours. No wonder we struggle to feel good enough. The truth is that self-worth is internal and validation is external. Instead of outsourcing our worth, we can look inward.

Shift Your Focus Inward

Too often, we don’t notice things about ourselves until someone else points them out. I wonder how much of that is because we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others. Maybe we notice other people’s strengths more easily because we’re focused on them instead of ourselves. But what if we shifted that focus inward? We start to recognize that we have strengths too. If we can see the best in someone else, why not also see the best in ourselves? A person who knows who they are is confident. A confident person recognizes their innate worth.

Become the Best Version of You

We often compare ourselves to others because we lack confidence in who we are. The comparison gives us a sense of security because we lack it internally. It feels good when we’re doing as great as our peers, but what happens when we fall behind? Our confidence begins to suffer. Comparison is the thief of joy. If we make it a habit, we might never be content with who we are. Instead of constantly measuring our worth against others, we can focus on becoming the best version of ourselves.

The Power of Being You

Have you ever thought about trading places with someone? Maybe it’s because you admire who they are or you want what they have. If you do, are you ready to accept everything that comes with it: the weaknesses and strengths, the mistakes and lessons, the successes and failures? You never know what a person has been through to become who they are today. While we can be inspired by someone, that doesn’t mean we need to be like them. The beauty in all of us is our uniqueness.

While it is great to see the light in others, we can also take time to see the light within ourselves. Focusing on who we are can help us to let go of social comparisons. There’s no need to be like anyone else, because who we are is enough.