Author: mentalinventory_85fu6v

How Do You Define Accountability in Relationships?

A troubled couple sits outdoors during a deeply emotional conversation.

One of the most infamous breakup lines is, “It’s not you, it’s me.” However, some people tend to think the opposite: “It’s not me, it’s you.” What if we could see our relationships as mirrors? We might realize they are showing us parts of ourselves we don’t see. After all, we are the common denominator in every relationship. It could be time we acknowledge, “It’s me.” We could have handled things differently. Accountability isn’t about blaming ourselves; it’s about taking responsibility for our choices.

Know Your Worth

One thing that may be holding us back from the relationship we want is the person we choose. If we want a healthy and loving relationship, it starts with picking someone who respects us. Before love, there should be respect. Do they honor your time, boundaries, and opinions? If they don’t value you, they won’t know how to treat you. Self-respect empowers us to walk away from relationships that don’t serve us. It’s not about controlling others, but about setting standards for how we allow ourselves to be treated.

Turning Pain Into Insight

Many people carry shame about not leaving a toxic relationship sooner. Instead of judging ourselves for how long we stayed, we might ask: What boundaries will I set in my next relationship? What patterns did I notice early on? What do I need to heal to be ready for a healthy relationship? These questions give insight and prepare us for the next relationship. While breakups can be heartbreaking, they aren’t meant to last forever. Our past can’t be changed, but our future can. By learning from our experiences, we move closer to what we desire. 

Final Thoughts

Accountability begins with the realization: “It’s me, not you.” What can I learn? What can I do differently? How can I grow? Our relationships are mirrors, and only when we’re willing to look at ourselves without judgment can we learn the lessons.

When Was the Last Time You Broke Routine?

Contemporary hotel room with a man tying shoes in a bright Toronto setting.

A routine can give structure to our lives, but if we’re not careful, it can also take away spontaneity. Recently, I learned how to find a balance between the two. Structure helps me stay disciplined and consistent, while spontaneity allows me to embrace new experiences. I realized that if I wanted something different, it started with breaking my routine. When was the last time you broke your routine? 

The Comfort of Structure

Structure gives me peace of mind, but it was also keeping me stuck in my comfort zone. Instead of making big changes to my routine, I started small by changing the time I did things. I learned that being just a little more open could lead to unexpected experiences. By learning how to make small changes, I became more comfortable stepping outside my comfort zone. While I still value structure, I’ve learned that a little flexibility can go a long way.

The Power of Small Steps

I started small and worked my way up. Even small changes felt uncomfortable, but I’ve learned to manage that discomfort. Once, I visited a store I’d never been to and ended up finding a great deal. It was unfamiliar and out of my routine. Initially, I was reluctant to go to this store, but I stepped outside my comfort zone. I didn’t want fear to limit my life experience. Fear isn’t something you cure, it’s something you face. That day, I learned that one small change can lead to significant growth. 

Be Spontaneous

How predictable is your life? Hold on to that answer. Now, how exciting is your life? If your life is predictable, but not exciting, I invite you to be more spontaneous. It doesn’t have to be dramatic; it can be small. Consider doing something different this week. Then, I want you to reflect on the experience. You might discover that a little spontaneity goes a long way. 

What Is Missing in Your Current Relationship?

An upset couple seated on a park bench, expressing frustration during an autumn day.

You’re not asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person. Healthy relationships are reciprocal; they pour into each other’s cups. Our cups represent what we’re able to give in a relationship. If you saw someone with an empty cup, you wouldn’t ask them for water. Yet, how often do we ask people to give us something they don’t have? It’s not wrong to ask for what you need; it’s just important to recognize when someone doesn’t have the capacity to give it.

Fill Your Cup First

What fills your cup? Before entering a relationship, you might consider filling your cup first. After all, you can only give what you have. The best way to keep your cup full is through self-care. Many people neglect themselves by not having a self-care routine. For me, journaling is my go-to practice. It’s more than just writing words on paper. It’s about showing up for myself consistently. If you want to give more in relationships, start by pouring into yourself.

Give and Take: The Balance of Healthy Love

Have you ever felt neglected in a relationship? Oftentimes, it happens because you’re not pouring into yourself or you’re pouring into an empty cup. Everyone comes into a relationship with a cup. Some cups are full while others are empty. It isn’t your responsibility to fill an empty cup. If you fill an empty cup, you’re giving too much of yourself. Healthy relationships strike a balance between giving and taking. It isn’t just about what you can provide but also what you can receive. The next time you feel neglected in a relationship, ask yourself: Is it a lack of self-care or a lack of reciprocity?

Final Thoughts

While it’s important to know what you need in a relationship, it’s equally important to know who can meet those needs. If you learn how to show up for yourself, you’re less likely to stay in relationships that don’t show up for you. When you have a full cup, you keep it full by being with people who also have a full cup. Never stop asking for what you need. Just make sure you’re asking the right person.

How Often Do You Compare Yourself to Others?

Young woman using smartphone while relaxing at a café. Latte on the table.

The key to feeling better about ourselves isn’t about being like anyone other than who we are. Too often, we fall into the trap of social comparison. We allow how we look, who we know, and what we have to validate who we are. Or maybe we feel intimidated by someone we deem as better looking, more successful, and well-liked. We focus on their strengths while overlooking ours. No wonder we struggle to feel good enough. The truth is that self-worth is internal and validation is external. Instead of outsourcing our worth, we can look inward.

Shift Your Focus Inward

Too often, we don’t notice things about ourselves until someone else points them out. I wonder how much of that is because we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others. Maybe we notice other people’s strengths more easily because we’re focused on them instead of ourselves. But what if we shifted that focus inward? We start to recognize that we have strengths too. If we can see the best in someone else, why not also see the best in ourselves? A person who knows who they are is confident. A confident person recognizes their innate worth.

Become the Best Version of You

We often compare ourselves to others because we lack confidence in who we are. The comparison gives us a sense of security because we lack it internally. It feels good when we’re doing as great as our peers, but what happens when we fall behind? Our confidence begins to suffer. Comparison is the thief of joy. If we make it a habit, we might never be content with who we are. Instead of constantly measuring our worth against others, we can focus on becoming the best version of ourselves.

The Power of Being You

Have you ever thought about trading places with someone? Maybe it’s because you admire who they are or you want what they have. If you do, are you ready to accept everything that comes with it: the weaknesses and strengths, the mistakes and lessons, the successes and failures? You never know what a person has been through to become who they are today. While we can be inspired by someone, that doesn’t mean we need to be like them. The beauty in all of us is our uniqueness.

While it is great to see the light in others, we can also take time to see the light within ourselves. Focusing on who we are can help us to let go of social comparisons. There’s no need to be like anyone else, because who we are is enough.


How Do You Protect Your Peace?

A man sitting in a cave overlooking a majestic mountain landscape under daylight.

Growing up, watching the news felt like watching a horror movie. I knew it was scary, but I couldn’t look away. There were things I saw that I wish I hadn’t. As an adult, I’ve learned that if the headline is triggering, I don’t need to click on the article. For me, protecting my peace means intentionally avoiding harmful content, environments, and people. What are you consuming that might be costing you peace?

The Hidden Cost of Social Media

If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive. When we think about our peace, how much of it is being taken away by the content we consume on social media? Research shows that excessive use of social media can increase symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress. It could be because we are comparing ourselves to others, experiencing cyberbullying, or isolating ourselves from the real world. Does this mean we should delete our social media accounts? Not necessarily. But becoming more mindful of how much time we spend on it might be the first step toward reclaiming our peace.

Boundaries = Peace

Is there someone or something outside of social media affecting your peace? A gossiping friend? A toxic work environment? Family drama? These are all things that can take a toll on your mental health. If there’s one word I believe is most helpful in situations like these, it’s boundaries. Setting a boundary could mean making a request, limiting your interactions, or even completely removing yourself from a harmful situation.

The next time you feel stressed about something, ask yourself: What boundary do I need to set? The next time you feel drained after a conversation with someone, pause and ask: What boundary could protect my energy next time? By setting boundaries, you safeguard your peace.

Make Peace with Yourself

Last but not least, be kind to yourself. Many of us don’t have peace with ourselves because we don’t believe we’re enough. But whether we realize it or not, we are enough. The moment we recognize our innate worth is the moment we discover true peace. Allow peace to be your standard, not just a preference.

How Do You Stay Consistent with Your Goals?

Person writing in a planner with coffee at a café, focusing on planning and productivity.

There are 365 days in a year, which equals 8,760 hours. Yet, with all that time, we often fall short of our goals. Why is that? Sometimes, I think it’s because we leap when we can take a small step. Just because you have a big dream doesn’t mean you have to make a huge jump. How do you walk up the stairs? It’s one step at a time. The same mindset can apply to pursuing your dreams. All it takes is the courage to start and the consistency to keep going.

Stepping Stones Lead to Milestones

Walt Disney says we can fulfill our dreams if we have the courage to pursue them. For years, my blog was just a thought until I was brave enough to take action. While courage helped me begin, it was consistency that helped me grow. I set a goal to write weekly, and before long, I had published 100 posts. I think sometimes we forget that it’s the stepping stones that lead us to the milestone. With this in mind, what is one small step you can take to reach your goals?

Trusting the Process

While there is more than one way to achieve a goal, I think sometimes we skip important steps. Before I could launch my blog, I needed to identify my niche, choose a blog name, select a domain, and find a hosting provider. I didn’t rush through these steps; instead, I did thorough research to see what worked best for me. Although the process took longer, I still reached my goal. If we still get what we want, why does it matter how long it takes? The pressure we put on ourselves to achieve things by a certain time is what causes us to rush the process. If we learn to appreciate the process as much as the outcome, it could help us slow down.

Taking the First Step

We all have dreams, goals, and desires, but what’s stopping us from reaching them? Two things come to mind: a lack of courage and consistency. We need the courage to start and the consistency to grow. Think about something you want to achieve in the next year. Now, identify one action you can take each week to move toward that goal. Remember Walt Disney’s words: All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

What Scares You the Most About Failure?

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While many people strive to achieve success, others go to great lengths to avoid failure. But success doesn’t come without the lessons from failure. Instead of allowing failure to define us, we might consider what it can teach us. If we’re open to these lessons, we may discover resilience and an identity that goes beyond our accomplishments.

Embracing Failure as Part of the Process

Failure isn’t something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Think about how we learned to walk as babies. We had to fall and get back up many times before we could walk confidently. As adults, we sometimes forget that learning anything new takes time, effort, and making mistakes. Too often, we put pressure on ourselves to be perfect because we’re afraid to fail. But failure is essential to growth. It’s how we learn, adapt, and improve.

The Power of Getting Back Up

How many times are you willing to get back up? The answer to this question is an indication of your resilience. The road to success has never been described as easy. However, if we persevere through the challenges, mistakes, judgments, and failures, we can ultimately reach success. Perfection isn’t the key to success; perseverance is. Your resilience will determine how successful you can become.

Resilience > Approval

We often don’t take risks because we are afraid to fail. If we fail, we believe people will judge us. While being judged doesn’t feel great, it doesn’t define who we are. In fact, taking risks shows courage and confidence. Although success is something we can be proud of, our identity is not limited to what we accomplish. We are still capable even in failure. We are still worthy even if people judge us.

Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones

If you want to be successful in life, don’t be afraid to fail. Failure doesn’t define us; it’s how we respond to it that matters. One common trait among many successful people is resilience. Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, and Michael Jordan didn’t allow failure to hold them back. In fact, they allowed it to push them forward. By having the courage to fail and the strength to persevere, you can also become successful.

How Do You Deal with Self-Doubt?

Cheerful woman with curly hair smiling in a studio shot, exuding confidence and joy.

It’s one thing when people doubt you, but it’s another thing when you doubt yourself. Throughout life, I’ve experienced many moments of self-doubt. While fear gets a bad rep, it isn’t always the culprit. As a matter of fact, it’s the pressure we put on ourselves that makes us question who we are and what we can do. We often doubt ourselves because we push ourselves beyond who we believe we are. Some of us don’t know we’re great because we’re waiting on someone to tell us. Well, the wait is officially over. It’s time to look in the mirror and recognize the greatness that’s been there all along.

The Gift of Quiet Confidence

Some people will never know how special they are because no one ever told them. Not everyone becomes a movie star. Not everyone graces the cover of a magazine. Not everyone makes the Forbes list. But we don’t need the spotlight to shine. Our greatness doesn’t depend on how others see us. We often view ourselves not by who we are but by how others see us. If they don’t see our greatness, we don’t see it either. But maybe we can change that. Just because they don’t see our light doesn’t mean we’re not shining.

The Pressure to Be Perfect

When I think about self-doubt, I think about the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect, or worse, like someone we’re not. It’s not that we aren’t capable; it’s that we often place unrealistic expectations on ourselves. What if our best is good enough? What if we were okay with being ourselves? What if we saw failure as an opportunity? What if we let go of who we think we should be? Often, “what if” is followed by the worst-case scenario, but what if we imagined a better one? We might discover that self-doubt can turn into self-confidence.

The Light Within

When I reflect on my life, college was the time I experienced the most self-doubt. It wasn’t because I didn’t know I was smart. It was because I didn’t know I could become something more: a college graduate. Despite my determination, I felt uncertainty about my future. I’ll never forget when my friend Alexis said to me, “You have a bright future.” Those words stayed with me, but I didn’t quite believe them until years later. The moment I stopped doubting myself, I saw the light. Not the light at the end of the tunnel, but the light within me. That was the turning point, when I finally recognized my capability. 

From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence

Self-doubt is something we all experience at some point, but we don’t have to let it hold us back. It starts with letting go of who we think we should be and becoming comfortable with who we are. Imperfect yet capable. Different yet special. Scared yet brave. Self-doubt isn’t a sign of inadequacy; it’s a signal for growth. Are you willing to grow? 

What Generational Curse Are You Breaking in Your Family?

A therapist engaging in a counseling session with a male patient to support mental health.

Whether we are aware of it or not, we pass something down to every generation, from family recipes to unresolved trauma. Often, the trauma our parents experience becomes our trauma too. Even more striking is that this trauma may have started with our grandparents, creating a generational curse. Fortunately, we have the power to break the cycle. It begins with making a conscious effort to be better for the next generation. We don’t just owe it to ourselves to heal but to our children’s children. I want my choices to be a blessing not a curse.

Breaking the Cycle

While our upbringing impacts who we are, it does not have to define who we can become. History doesn’t have to repeat itself. We can stop the cycle by choosing to do things differently. For me, that meant going to therapy and prioritizing my mental health. Self-awareness is the first step toward making changes, and the support of a therapist can help us implement these necessary shifts. Often, we engage in harmful behaviors because they feel familiar, and we may not even recognize that people-pleasing, hyper-independence, or staying busy are trauma responses. But once we identify unhealthy patterns, we can change them. We are not limited to what we knew because we are capable of growth.

When You Know Better, You Do Better

When you know better, you do better. This famous quote by Maya Angelou reminds us that knowledge is key to our growth. Today, we have access to an abundance of resources that can help us lead more fulfilling lives, and therapy is one of the most valuable among them. Therapy is an excellent tool for navigating life’s challenges in healthy ways. Through therapy, we learn how to set boundaries, regulate our emotions, and manage conflicts effectively. While schools may not focus on emotional intelligence, therapy offers the opportunity to develop these essential skills. When we cultivate these skills, we not only grow but also inspire others to change.

From Generational Curse to Generational Blessing

It might feel like a lot of pressure to be the first to break the cycle in your family, but what a privilege you have to do so. You are setting the standard for the next generation, and that is something you can be proud of. You might be the first, but you won’t be the last because you made a different choice. Now that choice becomes a generational blessing rather than a generational curse.

How Do You Deal with Grief?

A touching scene of two adults hugging with reflection in mirror, indicating emotional support.

When I was a child, I often lost things. If it were something I cared about, I wouldn’t stop looking until I found it. Back then, loss felt temporary. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized some losses are permanent. Like the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a job. These are people and opportunities we can never get back. What happens when we can’t recover what we lost? We experience grief.

The Weight of Grief

The grief that comes with loss is palpable. It brings us to our knees and sometimes introduces us to parts of ourselves that we never knew existed. We discover a strength that only grief can teach us. We discover the depth of love that causes us to feel intense emotions. Anger becomes loud while sadness settles in the background. We find a new way of living that is purposeful and honorable. We develop an appreciation for what we have. More importantly, we learn how to live with grief.

Stages of Grief

Grief is painful and an inevitable part of life. It is often followed by these five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At the beginning of a loss, some may feel disbelief, while others may immediately react with anger. Everyone grieves differently, and it is important that we give ourselves grace at every stage. The final stage is acceptance, and it doesn’t mean the absence of sadness. We still feel sadness, but we accept this emotion. Grief isn’t something we need to change; it is something we can learn to accept.

An Invitation to Reflect on Grief

As someone who has dealt with grief in many forms, I wanted to create space for this conversation. While it may be heavy, I hope that this post makes grief a little lighter for you. I invite you to reflect on the following questions as you navigate through grief.

What would you want your loved ones to see if they were looking down on you?

What unexpected strengths or abilities have you uncovered while going through grief?

What new opportunities or possibilities might be emerging from this ending?

How do you hold space for pain and joy simultaneously in your healing process?

When you look back on this chapter years from now, what do you hope you’ll have learned or become?