What Are You Ready to Heal?

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Whenever I got a cut and used rubbing alcohol to treat it, I would wince because of the burning sensation. It felt as if the healing process was more painful than the injury itself. The same can be true for emotional wounds. Sometimes, healing from our past is an uncomfortable experience. I believe some people avoid their pain because they’re not ready to face the discomfort. I empathize with you because I have been there. However, taking the first step toward healing requires us to feel the pain.

Acknowledge Your Hurt

I used to avoid thinking about hurtful experiences because I didn’t want to feel sad. But ignoring the way I felt was teaching me to avoid pain. It’s not about reliving the past but about understanding how it’s impacting you now. Have you ever just cried about what happened to you? You might believe not crying makes you a strong person. I want to challenge that by saying strength comes in many forms. A person who knows how to regulate their emotions is the kind of strength you want to have. Take a moment to acknowledge how sad, disappointed, or hurt you were because of what was done or said to you. Now, let’s release these emotions.

Healing Through Expression

When I think of an artist like Adele, I think about how she uses her music to process heartbreak. It made me wonder how healing it can be to express yourself through writing. You don’t have to write a song or perform in front of millions to release pain. You can start by writing a letter about how you feel and the impact of your experiences. You may even address the people who hurt you in the letter. Allow yourself to be raw, honest, and vulnerable. You don’t need to give the letter to the person to heal. Sometimes just writing the letter is enough to release the pain.

You Don’t Have to Heal Alone

Sometimes, we need someone to witness our pain before we can release it. Coregulation is about navigating your emotions with another person. It could be with a therapist, friend, or pastor. Sharing your story with someone who can hold space for it is essential. We don’t have to carry everything alone. Just as a surgeon is needed to stitch deep physical wounds, a therapist can help us process and heal trauma. If you are having a hard time letting go, consider reaching out to a trauma therapist for support.

Healing Takes Time and Commitment

You probably heard the saying time heals all wounds. If this statement is true, then it means the healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some experiences can take a lifetime to heal. I’m not saying this to discourage you but to help you keep things in perspective. Healing is a process that requires patience and commitment. How committed are you to healing your trauma? Some days are going to be tough, but are you willing to persevere to get to your breakthrough? Because on the other side of the pain is the power to overcome it.

The Power of Connection

While healing starts within, the relationships we have can significantly impact our healing journey. When you think about any painful experiences, who did you need, and what did you need at that moment? While we can’t change the past, we can learn from it. Sometimes, our past teaches us what we need by highlighting what we didn’t have. You probably learned from your past what your needs are, what boundaries to have, and what you truly desire. Now, you can use this insight to cultivate relationships that support your well-being. There’s no better feeling than having what you wanted in the past right now.

A Word of Encouragement

If you are reading this post, I want to say I am proud of you. The fact that you are ready to heal is a sign of how brave you are. If you’re not ready yet, I hope you will get there one day. I’ve been on both ends and have immense empathy for people who are on the journey and who aren’t quite ready yet. On the healing journey, I hope that you remember to express yourself, allow others to support you, and be patient with yourself.

How Do You Stop the Inner Critic?

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When it comes to self-esteem, negative self-talk is the most damaging. If we know this to be true, why do we engage in it? It could be because it is familiar. Does it sound like something you heard growing up? You will never amount to anything. You are stupid. You are a bad person. You probably never questioned these beliefs, which is why these beliefs became a part of your identity. None of those hurtful things are true, but because you never challenged those beliefs, they became your inner critic.

Where the Inner Critic Comes From

I think many people don’t challenge their inner critics because it’s almost like challenging their parents. Maybe your parents were critical of you. Or it was your best friend or significant other. Even the people closest to us can say things that are not true or helpful. Your inner critic is the same way. It doesn’t help you to become better, it keeps you small. It is important to challenge those limiting beliefs because they are holding us back from our truest selves. The truth is that we are capable, worthy, and lovable. But until we can stand up to our inner critic, we can’t step into our power.

Let Go of the Mold

Stop allowing low standards to be your identity. There may be a part of you scared of failure, so don’t challenge yourself. You might also be afraid to be bigger than what people want you to be. It isn’t your responsibility to fit into a mold. It is your birthright to break the mold if that means you can be exactly who you are. I think many struggle with being themselves because they believe, If people knew who I was, they wouldn’t like me. But wouldn’t it be better to be understood than liked? We can’t allow our inner critic to keep us from being who we are.

How Fear Disguises Itself as Safety

At times, the inner critic attempts to protect us, but it does so in a harmful manner. When you think about the negative beliefs that replay in your mind, what about them is keeping you safe? Imagine you have a goal that will allow you to experience a better life, but you are afraid of disappointment. Your inner critic protects you by saying, That’s too hard. You can’t do that. Stick with what you know. This thought process keeps you stuck and keeps you from your full potential. Instead, we might need to embrace fear to get to where we want. It might not be easy, but it is worth it for things you truly desire.

Meet Your Inner Critic with Curiosity

The next time you deal with your inner critic, I want you to be curious. When you have a negative thought, ask yourself “Where does this belief stem from”? You weren’t born thinking this way, so it came from someone. Who was critical of you growing up? These people have now become your inner critic. Then, ask yourself how helpful or true are these thoughts? If it’s not making you feel more capable and worthy it’s probably more harmful than good. Lastly, what is the belief protecting you from? Even playing it safe can cause you to miss out what you deserve.

You Are Worthy, Capable, and Lovable

We all have an inner critic, but we can’t allow it to keep us small. We are capable, worthy, and lovable. You might read these words and not believe them yet. I completely understand because it took me a while to believe them. They didn’t become true for me because someone said them to me. They became true because I recognized that being human makes me worthy, capable, and lovable. The next time your inner critic says something negative, I hope you remember those words.

What Are Your Emotions Telling You?

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We all have emotions. While we might find it easy to embrace emotions like happiness and excitement, it is important that we don’t avoid emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration. Instead of labeling emotions as positive or negative, it might be more helpful to see them as signals. We need these signals to navigate throughout life. Once we discover the role of our emotions, we can process them in a healthy way.

I didn’t realize that emotions were simply signals until I listened to a 30-part YouTube series on it. Before I watched this series, I judged my feelings. An emotion like sadness was difficult for me to process. When I would feel sad, I didn’t even want to admit it. I believed that admitting I felt sad would make me feel worse. But it was the other way around. By not acknowledging how I felt, I couldn’t process it in a healthy way.

Acceptance

How many of us are afraid to admit how we feel? We often judge ourselves for the emotions we have. But our feelings are signals that help us navigate from where we are to where we want to be. Before we can change how we feel, we must accept how we feel. While some emotions can be challenging or painful, they also provide information. We get to decide how we use the information. I don’t want us to wallow in our feelings but I do want us to acknowledge and accept them.

The Power of Self-Reflection

Once we accept our feelings, it is essential to identify the root cause of them. I felt sad because I was missing out on what matters to me most: meaningful relationships. By taking time to self-reflect, I was able to understand this emotion and what I needed. I know that it might not always be easy to deal with certain emotions but it helps to recognize they are not permanent. The way you feel today can be different from how you feel tomorrow. But we need to be willing to take action to change how we feel.

Change Begins with Awareness

Some emotions linger because we don’t deal with them. I didn’t start feeling happier until I dealt with my unhappiness. I realized that if I wanted to change how I felt, I needed to change the way I behaved. Emotions often motivate us to change our behavior. When we think about how we feel, we might consider what actions can we take to feel better. It could be talking to a friend, doing something we enjoy, or stepping outside of our comfort zone. I realized that if I wanted to feel happier I needed to be more intentional and socially active.

Take Action

I can’t say I never feel sad anymore, but it is not as much as I used to. I realized that it was because I was willing to take action to change how I felt. I set a goal to be more outgoing this year, and I’ve been consistent with this goal. It hasn’t been easy because it requires me to step outside my comfort zone. It is easier to get stuck in what you know than to explore what you don’t know. I found it helpful to acknowledge the anxiety and also recognize the opportunity for better relationships. I could face my fears, knowing that my efforts would eventually pay off.

Emotions Are Signals

If you are anything like I used to be, you probably have a hard time dealing with your emotions in a healthy way. But I want to remind you that our emotions are just signals guiding us from where we are to where we want to be. When we accept the signal, we gain information that can help us feel better. No emotion lasts forever. But to begin changing how we feel, we must recognize what we’re feeling, understand why, and then take action toward change. If you can do these things, you can navigate through your emotions in a healthy way.

How Do You Navigate After a Milestone?

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Milestones are significant moments that we experience throughout life. While they can be exciting, they are often followed by uncertainty. I think about graduating from high school, getting accepted into college, starting my first full-time job, and paying off my student loans. As I get older, I continue to experience new milestones, but the in-between moments were the most challenging to navigate. If I knew then what I know now, I’d tell myself to celebrate my achievements, reflect on my journey, and embrace new beginnings. While I am grateful for the milestones I reached, I needed to learn how to enjoy the journey.

Achieving a Milestone

I remember the day I graduated college as one of the proudest moments of my life. It was an unforgettable moment because I accomplished something my parents had never done. After years of hard work, I earned a bachelor’s degree. I had finished school, but now I was stepping into the unknown. I graduated from college without a job lined up, but I had an interview scheduled for the following week. Thankfully, I landed the job and started working weeks later. Looking back, I wish I had taken more time to appreciate what I had accomplished. Being the first comes with immense pressure, and I wish I had taken more time to celebrate myself.

Celebrating Achievements

When you think about the things you accomplished, how did you celebrate? Sometimes, celebrating our milestones can help us to savor the moment. I can admit I haven’t always celebrated milestones. But I think it’s something I could benefit from. I believe having a celebration reminds you of what you’ve accomplished. It isn’t just about checking a box and moving on to the next thing. It’s about taking time to show yourself appreciation for all you’ve done. Whether you celebrate by having a party or treating yourself to something nice, make sure it’s special. You deserve to be celebrated and take each milestone as an opportunity to do so.

Self-reflecting

After celebrating, it is essential to reflect on our journey. Often, we are so focused on where we want to go that we don’t appreciate where we are. Where we are is more important than where we want to go. Our current path is what helps us move to the next level. I believe self-reflection can help us navigate after milestones. By reflecting on our experiences, we can learn valuable lessons that help us continue moving forward.

Embracing New Beginnings

An ending is a new beginning. Milestones are great, but they are only moments throughout life. These moments don’t last forever, which is why it is important to be open to new experiences. I think many people struggle with uncertainty and are afraid of what’s next. But change is what keeps life exciting and helps you evolve. While I understand how good it feels to reach certain milestones, I also recognize the shift that takes place. You are somewhere you’ve never been before and now have an opportunity to experience something new.

Enjoying Every Moment

Milestones will occur throughout our lives, and it is essential that we know how to navigate through them. Life isn’t just about what we accomplish but how we choose to enjoy our lives. Through each milestone, I hope that you remember to celebrate, reflect, and embrace change. It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s next that we forget to appreciate what’s now. Milestones are simply small moments that add up to something bigger. Make sure to enjoy each moment.

What Keeps You Hopeful During Dark Times?

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As someone who has experienced dark moments, I recognize the importance of remaining hopeful. When I was going through depression as a young adult, hope was something that kept me alive. While it was agonizing to deal with the symptoms of depression, I had hope that someday things would get better for me. Over time, things changed for me. I felt more in control of the life I wanted. If I could overcome depression, I could be hopeful that everything else was possible. If hope could pull me out of a dark place, it could also take me to a brighter future. When I feel discouraged, I remind myself to be hopeful.

Because I’m predisposed to depression, being hopeful during difficult times doesn’t always come naturally. However, I also recognize that I can choose to be optimistic despite how I feel. There are things that I can do to feel better, and it starts with my mindset. I have control over my thoughts and the actions I take. I also remind myself that whatever I am going through is happening right now. This shift keeps me grounded in the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

I have experienced highs and lows throughout life. More important than what I was going through was how I responded to my circumstances. I have a right to feel sad, disappointed, and discouraged. I also have a right to feel happy, grateful, and hopeful. Regardless of my emotions, I still have a choice. Some days, I feel down, but I still choose to do things I enjoy. I have learned that I can either have hope because of my circumstances or despite them.

While change is inevitable, it doesn’t always happen overnight. I am learning to have faith in the things I hope for. When things don’t happen as I expect, I tend to question if they will ever happen. This mindset has left me discouraged about the future. Instead, I focus on what I desire and remind myself it is still possible. The quickest way to lose hope is to doubt what is possible. The fastest way to gain hope is to believe in what is possible. I have learned to embrace the latter.

When I think of the most inspirational people, one thing I have noticed is their hope. People like Martin Luther King Jr gave a message of hope during unfathomable times. He had a dream that one-day things would be different. If he could have hope then, I can have hope now. It may not always be easy, but seeing leaders before me have it reminds me how important it is to remain hopeful. I choose hope because I see how far it can take you. Hope is often the catalyst for change.

When I wrote this post, I had one thing in mind. Hope. Hope is what keeps me going during hard times. I needed something to remind me of the importance of hope. I also wanted to share my story of hope and encourage you. Despite what you are going through, I hope you know things can change. Hope can take you far if you allow it.

How Do You Protect Your Heart?

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Many people’s first impression of me is often quiet or reserved. No one’s ever called me ‘guarded,’ but I know I am. I used to believe being guarded was a weakness. Now, I recognize it as one of my strengths. I protect my heart because it’s sacred to me. I’m not an open book. I’m a limited edition. Only a few know my story.

Quality Vs Quantity

Some people are like open books, but I have learned to accept that I am not as revealing. I tend to be cautious around new people and selective about who I let into my life. While it does limit the number of relationships I have, it also creates space for quality relationships. For me, it’s the depth of my relationships that matters to me most. I’d rather preserve my heart for people who can handle it with care.

Self-Acceptance

I have always admired people who open up effortlessly and wished I could be the same way. However, I realize that I can open up at my own pace. I don’t have to be like everyone because I am a unique person. If being open is admirable, being cautious is wise. I’d rather be wise because that serves me better than being liked. My quiet demeanor allows me to be thoughtful, curious, and considerate. These are traits that I appreciate about myself.

Self-Protection

Being guarded has protected me through the years. While it hasn’t prevented heartbreak, it has helped me maintain my self-respect. This guard allows me to let go of unfulfilling relationships, to be more intentional, and to recognize when I deserve better. It’s a protective part of myself that I want to keep. This protection is loving, and I am grateful for it. I realized being protective of myself is a form of self-love.

Self-Reflection

I often think about letting my guard down more. While I believe it helps keep out the wrong people, I wonder if it also keeps out the right ones. I value quality over quantity but wonder if lowering my guard could allow me to have both. Could I have quality and quantity? I’m not opposed to taking that risk; I just want to be ready before I do.

Now that I’ve shared one way I protect myself, I’d love to hear about yours. The part of yourself that you may judge is probably a form of self-protection. I used to judge how guarded I was because I didn’t realize how this quality served me. But, I have learned that protection is love and not to take this part of myself for granted.

What Unhealthy Relationship Patterns Do You Need to Break?

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The way you show up in relationships often follows a pattern. Some patterns are healthy, such as open communication, empathy, and respect. Other patterns can be unhealthy, like codependency, lack of accountability, or avoidance of conflict. When you think of your relationships, what patterns are unhealthy? The reason this question is important is because unhealthy patterns can often ruin a relationship. The good news is that you can change your behaviors. The first step is to be self-aware.

Conflict Avoidance

An unhealthy pattern that some people may think is harmless is avoiding conflict. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your emotions openly and honestly, it indicates a fear of conflict. But conflict isn’t the issue here. The bigger problem is a lack of vulnerability, honesty, and communication. When these fundamentals are missing, it can often break down the foundation of a healthy relationship. While conflict can be uncomfortable, it’s a normal part of any healthy relationship. The way you navigate through it can either strengthen or break the relationship.

Unclear Communication

Although difficult conversations can be uncomfortable, they are essential for gaining clarity and understanding of each other. A lack of communication is often an unhealthy pattern that people bring into relationships. Some people don’t ask questions because they are afraid of the response. Others don’t communicate their expectations or needs because they don’t want to appear needy or demanding. To have a healthy relationship, it starts with open communication.

Codependency

When you are in a relationship, it is important to maintain interdependence. You want to have interests, goals, and friendships outside of your relationship. Often, people neglect their needs to fulfill their partner’s needs. This pattern is unhealthy and known as codependency. When you neglect your needs, you abandon yourself. It is crucial that you remain connected to your emotional needs. A healthy relationship involves taking care of your needs while also supporting the needs of others.

Lack of Accountability

Being accountable for your actions is key to maintaining respect and trust in a relationship. Another harmful pattern is avoiding responsibility and refusing to apologize for wrongdoing. At some point, you might unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you said something hurtful. To maintain safety and respect, be willing to be accountable for your actions and apologetic for your words.

Break Unhealthy Patterns

I want you to take time to identify your unhealthy relationship patterns. Is it avoidance of conflict, ineffective communication, codependency, or lack of accountability? Once you are aware of those patterns, consider ways you can change them. It might take some time, but unhealthy patterns can be broken.

How Important Is It to You to Be Liked?

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For some people, being liked is more important than being who they are. For others, being themselves is more important than being liked. It is difficult to remain authentic when you’re concerned with being liked. This mindset can get you stuck in the approval trap. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. Instead of seeking external validation, embrace who you are. The right people will accept you.

The Approval Trap

Why do you need to be liked by everyone? I hope this question can help you to understand why being liked is important to you. It might feel uncomfortable to have someone dislike you because you feel safer being who people expect you to be. The rejection you faced in childhood may have taught you to abandon your authenticity to gain approval from others. The lesson in this scenario is not to change who you are to fit in but to be comfortable standing out.

Childhood Experiences

Are you still seeking the approval you didn’t get from your parents or peers from childhood? Maybe you don’t like being disliked because it reminds you of the rejection you experienced as a kid. Were you bullied in school or at home? Were you judged for being different? Were you criticized often? These painful experiences can explain why approval is so important to you. More important than being liked by everyone is accepting yourself.

Embrace Your Unique Qualities

What do you like about yourself? I want you to create a list of qualities you like about yourself. These are qualities that make you likable to the right people. These are also qualities that might make you disliked by the wrong people. One of the qualities I like most about myself is my resilience. Some admire that strength, while others may find it intimidating. Instead of dimming your light, allow it to shine. Who you are will draw in the right people and drive out the wrong people.

Don’t Take It Personal

How do you respond when someone dislikes you? Sometimes, the issue isn’t that people dislike you. It’s that people dislike what they don’t recognize in themselves. Sometimes, being yourself can make them feel insecure about who they are not. I want to make it clear that we are all enough. But not everyone believes that. When people feel inadequate, they can work on themselves or project onto others. I point this out not to judge the other person but to help you recognize someone’s feelings about you has little to do with you.

Surround Yourself with the Right People

You cannot control how people perceive you. You can control the people you surround yourself with.  It isn’t that you need everyone to like you. It’s that you need to appreciate the people who already like you. You are likable. I think you forget this because you are more focused on the people who don’t accept you. While rejection might feel personal, it isn’t personal. Instead, think of it as a sign of incompatibility. You’re not compatible with everyone, and that’s okay.

Let Your Light Shine

It is normal to want to be liked, but don’t allow it to compromise your authenticity. I want you to be confident in who you are. I want you to recognize how likable you are. I want you to appreciate the people who like you. More importantly, I want you to allow your light to shine. It shines the brightest when you are authentic.

How Do You Prioritize Your Emotional Needs?

Some people go to the gym and eat healthy to stay in shape, but our emotional well-being is just as important. We all have emotional needs, and how we prioritize them plays a crucial role in our overall health. To ensure you’re taking care of your emotional well-being, start by identifying your needs, assessing your relationships, and communicating when needs are unmet.

Identify Your Needs

What are your emotional needs? Love and acceptance are two of the most common, but there are many more. There is nothing wrong with admitting you have emotional needs. You are not needy because you have more than one need. You are self-aware and connected to an important part of you. I want to encourage you to be honest about what you need emotionally. The best way to discover this is to quiet your mind and open your heart. Spend some time in solitude to clarify what truly matters to you.

Assess Your Emotional Fulfillment

What emotional needs are currently unmet in your life, and how does that affect you? Many people feel unfulfilled in their relationships because their emotional needs are unmet. You might feel loved by someone, but you don’t feel understood. People often say love isn’t enough to keep a relationship, and I agree. Love is the baseline, but emotional needs are the building blocks. Once you love someone, it is important to understand what their needs are. How well you understand someone is different from how well you love them. It is through your love for them that you desire to understand them.

I have an exercise that can help you assess unfulfilling relationships. Start by writing down all your emotional needs. Next, list the significant relationships in your life and write your needs under each person’s name. Then, go through each person and rate, on a scale from 1 to 10, how satisfied you are with how well they meet your needs. You might find that no one can fulfill all your needs, but some will meet most, while others meet less than half. If someone meets fewer than half of your needs, it could be time to reassess that relationship. This exercise doesn’t necessarily mean you need to end the relationship, but it can open a conversation about what you need to feel more connected.

Communicate Your Needs

How comfortable are you with communicating your needs? Sometimes the reason needs go unmet is because they aren’t being expressed. People can’t know what you need unless you are willing to be vulnerable and share it. Many people struggle with sharing their needs or aren’t clear about them. Instead of being afraid to communicate your needs, recognize that your needs are more important than what you fear. Don’t allow your fear of judgment, disappointment, or rejection to get in the way of having what you want.

If you struggle to express vulnerability in relationships, this may be an opportunity for you to become more comfortable with how you feel. Often, vulnerability starts with you journaling your emotions. When was the last time you acknowledged feeling sad, scared, angry, or hurt? While these emotions may be uncomfortable, they are present to signal what you need. If you ignore these signals, you are potentially neglecting your emotional needs. Instead of focusing on being comfortable with sharing your needs, start by being comfortable with being present with your emotions.

Final Thoughts

Taking care of your emotional well-being is essential to staying connected with what matters to you. If you don’t feel fulfilled, I want you to identify your needs, assess your current relationships, and communicate your needs. Doing these things creates space for the kind of relationships you desire.

What Makes You a Valuable Friend?

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Friendships are some of the most important relationships we will ever have. They often give us a sense of belonging and a safe space to be ourselves. Friendships can be deeply intimate, with some describing their friends as soulmates or family. When you think about the friends you have in your life, what qualities do you value in those relationships? It’s probably their honesty, reliability, or loyalty. Now, think about the values you bring to a friendship. You not only want a friend of value. You want to be a friend of value.

Friendship Is a Two-Way Street

How are you showing up in your friendships? A lack of balance in a relationship is the quickest way to build resentment. If you have a friend who is constantly cancelling plans and you are the only one initiating plans, this could create some imbalance. In these situations, be comfortable communicating your needs and expressing how you feel. If it bothers you that your friend isn’t showing up for you, let them know. Or if you haven’t been able to show up for your friend, be transparent about why. The key to having a healthy conversation is to be open, honest, curious, and respectful. With open communication, you are creating space for mutual understanding.

No Friend Is Perfect

There is no such thing as a perfect friend. You have imperfections, and so will your friends. What makes a friendship valuable is acceptance. You can be yourself without judgment. Likewise, accepting who your friends are is part of being a friend. Be friends with people you accept, and be friends with people that accept you. You might not agree with everything your friends do or say, but can you accept your differences? Sometimes, your differences are simply dealbreakers, and it’s important to recognize this. True acceptance means embracing all of who they are, not just the parts you like.

Spend Time with Friends

The quality of your life is directly impacted by the quality of your relationship. While everyone has different social needs, everyone wants to feel connected. It is difficult to maintain connections without spending quality time together. Making time for your friends isn’t just about having fun; it’s about checking in. There is value in laughter and vulnerability. The great thing about meaningful friendship is the support you receive. Life has its challenges, and having someone who supports you during difficult times is priceless.

Inspiration in Friendship

You become the people you spend the most time with. This statement doesn’t mean you lose yourself, but it does show the level of influence friendships can have on you. When you think about your friendships, what inspires you about them? This question is important because you want to make sure that your friendships are influencing you in positive ways. It isn’t about having perfect friends but having admiration for each other. Simply spending time with a patient friend won’t necessarily make you patient. But maybe they can show you how to be more patient. A friend who inspires you is a friend who helps you to learn and grow as a person.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

The wonderful thing about friendship is that you choose them. Create a list of qualities that make a valuable friend. Now, create another list of qualities that make you a valuable friend. Before you can have a friend, be a friend. Create a space for acceptance, honesty, and open communication. Be friends with people whom you appreciate and admire. Lastly, spend time together.