Category: Mindset

When it comes to self-esteem, negative self-talk is the most damaging. If we know this to be true, why do we engage in it? It could be because it is familiar. Does it sound like something you heard growing up? You will never amount to anything. You are stupid. You are a bad person. You probably never questioned these beliefs, which is why these beliefs became a part of your identity. None of those hurtful things are true, but because you never challenged those beliefs, they became your inner critic.

Where the Inner Critic Comes From

I think many people don’t challenge their inner critics because it’s almost like challenging their parents. Maybe your parents were critical of you. Or it was your best friend or significant other. Even the people closest to us can say things that are not true or helpful. Your inner critic is the same way. It doesn’t help you to become better, it keeps you small. It is important to challenge those limiting beliefs because they are holding us back from our truest selves. The truth is that we are capable, worthy, and lovable. But until we can stand up to our inner critic, we can’t step into our power.

Let Go of the Mold

Stop allowing low standards to be your identity. There may be a part of you scared of failure, so don’t challenge yourself. You might also be afraid to be bigger than what people want you to be. It isn’t your responsibility to fit into a mold. It is your birthright to break the mold if that means you can be exactly who you are. I think many struggle with being themselves because they believe, If people knew who I was, they wouldn’t like me. But wouldn’t it be better to be understood than liked? We can’t allow our inner critic to keep us from being who we are.

How Fear Disguises Itself as Safety

At times, the inner critic attempts to protect us, but it does so in a harmful manner. When you think about the negative beliefs that replay in your mind, what about them is keeping you safe? Imagine you have a goal that will allow you to experience a better life, but you are afraid of disappointment. Your inner critic protects you by saying, That’s too hard. You can’t do that. Stick with what you know. This thought process keeps you stuck and keeps you from your full potential. Instead, we might need to embrace fear to get to where we want. It might not be easy, but it is worth it for things you truly desire.

Meet Your Inner Critic with Curiosity

The next time you deal with your inner critic, I want you to be curious. When you have a negative thought, ask yourself “Where does this belief stem from”? You weren’t born thinking this way, so it came from someone. Who was critical of you growing up? These people have now become your inner critic. Then, ask yourself how helpful or true are these thoughts? If it’s not making you feel more capable and worthy it’s probably more harmful than good. Lastly, what is the belief protecting you from? Even playing it safe can cause you to miss out what you deserve.

You Are Worthy, Capable, and Lovable

We all have an inner critic, but we can’t allow it to keep us small. We are capable, worthy, and lovable. You might read these words and not believe them yet. I completely understand because it took me a while to believe them. They didn’t become true for me because someone said them to me. They became true because I recognized that being human makes me worthy, capable, and lovable. The next time your inner critic says something negative, I hope you remember those words.

Milestones are significant moments that we experience throughout life. While they can be exciting, they are often followed by uncertainty. I think about graduating from high school, getting accepted into college, starting my first full-time job, and paying off my student loans. As I get older, I continue to experience new milestones, but the in-between moments were the most challenging to navigate. If I knew then what I know now, I’d tell myself to celebrate my achievements, reflect on my journey, and embrace new beginnings. While I am grateful for the milestones I reached, I needed to learn how to enjoy the journey.

Achieving a Milestone

I remember the day I graduated college as one of the proudest moments of my life. It was an unforgettable moment because I accomplished something my parents had never done. After years of hard work, I earned a bachelor’s degree. I had finished school, but now I was stepping into the unknown. I graduated from college without a job lined up, but I had an interview scheduled for the following week. Thankfully, I landed the job and started working weeks later. Looking back, I wish I had taken more time to appreciate what I had accomplished. Being the first comes with immense pressure, and I wish I had taken more time to celebrate myself.

Celebrating Achievements

When you think about the things you accomplished, how did you celebrate? Sometimes, celebrating our milestones can help us to savor the moment. I can admit I haven’t always celebrated milestones. But I think it’s something I could benefit from. I believe having a celebration reminds you of what you’ve accomplished. It isn’t just about checking a box and moving on to the next thing. It’s about taking time to show yourself appreciation for all you’ve done. Whether you celebrate by having a party or treating yourself to something nice, make sure it’s special. You deserve to be celebrated and take each milestone as an opportunity to do so.

Self-reflecting

After celebrating, it is essential to reflect on our journey. Often, we are so focused on where we want to go that we don’t appreciate where we are. Where we are is more important than where we want to go. Our current path is what helps us move to the next level. I believe self-reflection can help us navigate after milestones. By reflecting on our experiences, we can learn valuable lessons that help us continue moving forward.

Embracing New Beginnings

An ending is a new beginning. Milestones are great, but they are only moments throughout life. These moments don’t last forever, which is why it is important to be open to new experiences. I think many people struggle with uncertainty and are afraid of what’s next. But change is what keeps life exciting and helps you evolve. While I understand how good it feels to reach certain milestones, I also recognize the shift that takes place. You are somewhere you’ve never been before and now have an opportunity to experience something new.

Enjoying Every Moment

Milestones will occur throughout our lives, and it is essential that we know how to navigate through them. Life isn’t just about what we accomplish but how we choose to enjoy our lives. Through each milestone, I hope that you remember to celebrate, reflect, and embrace change. It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s next that we forget to appreciate what’s now. Milestones are simply small moments that add up to something bigger. Make sure to enjoy each moment.

As someone who has experienced dark moments, I recognize the importance of remaining hopeful. When I was going through depression as a young adult, hope was something that kept me alive. While it was agonizing to deal with the symptoms of depression, I had hope that someday things would get better for me. Over time, things changed for me. I felt more in control of the life I wanted. If I could overcome depression, I could be hopeful that everything else was possible. If hope could pull me out of a dark place, it could also take me to a brighter future. When I feel discouraged, I remind myself to be hopeful.

Because I’m predisposed to depression, being hopeful during difficult times doesn’t always come naturally. However, I also recognize that I can choose to be optimistic despite how I feel. There are things that I can do to feel better, and it starts with my mindset. I have control over my thoughts and the actions I take. I also remind myself that whatever I am going through is happening right now. This shift keeps me grounded in the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

I have experienced highs and lows throughout life. More important than what I was going through was how I responded to my circumstances. I have a right to feel sad, disappointed, and discouraged. I also have a right to feel happy, grateful, and hopeful. Regardless of my emotions, I still have a choice. Some days, I feel down, but I still choose to do things I enjoy. I have learned that I can either have hope because of my circumstances or despite them.

While change is inevitable, it doesn’t always happen overnight. I am learning to have faith in the things I hope for. When things don’t happen as I expect, I tend to question if they will ever happen. This mindset has left me discouraged about the future. Instead, I focus on what I desire and remind myself it is still possible. The quickest way to lose hope is to doubt what is possible. The fastest way to gain hope is to believe in what is possible. I have learned to embrace the latter.

When I think of the most inspirational people, one thing I have noticed is their hope. People like Martin Luther King Jr gave a message of hope during unfathomable times. He had a dream that one-day things would be different. If he could have hope then, I can have hope now. It may not always be easy, but seeing leaders before me have it reminds me how important it is to remain hopeful. I choose hope because I see how far it can take you. Hope is often the catalyst for change.

When I wrote this post, I had one thing in mind. Hope. Hope is what keeps me going during hard times. I needed something to remind me of the importance of hope. I also wanted to share my story of hope and encourage you. Despite what you are going through, I hope you know things can change. Hope can take you far if you allow it.

Imagine you are trying to achieve a goal, and you think, I can’t do this. Then, another thought follows: I’m a failure. Before you know it, you feel discouraged and less motivated to try. Studies show that we have thousands of thoughts per day. It made me wonder how much easier it would be to reach our goals if we replaced those negative thoughts with more helpful ones. It is not about being positive all the time. It is about recognizing which thoughts move you toward your goals and holds you back from your goals.

Develop a Growth Mindset

Let’s consider the thought I can’t do this. While it might be true that you can’t do it yet, you can learn how to do it. Often, we don’t give ourselves enough credit to learn new things. Challenge the “I can’t do this” with “I can learn how to do this.” Another thought we might need to challenge is that asking for help will make me look stupid. No one knows everything, and asking for help is essential to learning new things. Your willingness to learn is a strength you can be proud of. 

Focus on What You Can Control

Have you ever thought, “I’ll never get out of debt” or “I’ll never meet the right person”?  Whatever the thought is, I want you to replace it with something more helpful. Ask yourself: What can I do differently to change this? What steps could you take to improve your finances or open yourself up to meaningful relationships? These questions can allow you to see what is in your control. By focusing on what you can control, you can move closer to achieving your goals. You reclaim your power, which allows you to take action that moves you toward your goals. 

Find Joy in the Journey

Some people often focus on who they should be or what they should have, and this kind of thinking creates judgment, which can lead to shame. But the truth is, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. That doesn’t mean we’ll always like where we are, but it does mean there’s something to learn from it. Not being where we want to be can teach us how to get there. We all start somewhere, and even if we’re not at our desired destination, every step brings us closer. While the destination may be exciting, find joy in the journey. 

Be Flexible

We often have a timeline for when we should get married, buy a house, retire, start a family, or pay off debt. However, things might not happen as expected, but that doesn’t mean it is too late. As long as we are alive, we have time to achieve what we want. It is important to be flexible in life. Things happening later in life isn’t a bad thing. It teaches us patience and appreciation for what we have. There is always something to be grateful for right now. It is not about giving up on our dreams but being flexible with our timelines.

Have Faith

We all have dreams and desires, but how many of us have thoughts that we can’t have what we want or that what we want is unrealistic or too much? I believe we deserve what we desire and that our dreams can become a reality. It isn’t about living in a fantasy world. It is about knowing that we can achieve our dreams. It also means that we are willing to take action to get what we want and wait for what we want. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Have faith that what you want is coming at the right time.

Final Thoughts

We will have many thoughts throughout the day. It is essential to replace the negative thoughts with helpful thoughts. Consider which thoughts are moving you towards your goals and which thoughts are distracting you from them. We all have the ability to create the life we want, and it starts with a single thought.

A person who believes they are worthy has high self-esteem, while someone who doesn’t recognize their worth may struggle with low self-esteem. Self-esteem is our ability to recognize our worth. In the above scenario, both individuals are worthy, but only one knows their worth. If you want to build your self-esteem, it starts by recognizing your worth, identifying what makes you valuable, and surrounding yourself with like-minded people.

You Are Worthy

It saddens me to think that some people don’t feel good about themselves because of what someone said to them or what they have been through. None of these things define who you are or determine your value as a person. You are more than what happened to you. You are more than what people say about you. I want you to know you are worthy. You will always be worthy, and that is something that no experience or person can change. You have an inherent worth.

Identify Your Innate Talents

Have you ever considered what makes you valuable? I challenge you to think beyond your achievements and identify your innate talent. Think about things you are naturally great at. Maybe you stay calm under pressure or have an optimistic perspective on life. We all possess unique traits and abilities that can positively impact others, no matter how small they may seem. Recognizing and embracing these qualities is the first step to understanding your value.

Build Positive Relationships

The people you choose to spend time with can affect how you see yourself. When building your self-esteem, it is important to surround yourself with positive and supportive people. You want to be around people who notice and appreciate your value. You also want to be accepted for who you are because you are enough. Surrounding yourself with the right people can reaffirm that you are worthy of love.

Final Thoughts

If you want to have high self-esteem, it starts with knowing that you are worthy already, identifying what makes you valuable, and surrounding yourself with like-minded people. I hope this post will help you to feel good about who you are because you are inherently worthy.

Many people believe achieving a goal will make them happy. But they don’t realize the joy in the process. Your goal or dream might not bring you the happiness you think it will. Instead of finding our happiness in an external outcome, we can shift our perspective to focus on the process. By doing this, we learn to appreciate the small moments in life and better manage our expectations.

Shift Your Perspective

Imagine getting everything you want and still not being fulfilled. You might think achieving a milestone will bring happiness, but that’s not always true. Sometimes, the expectations that you tie to a goal or dream might not bring lasting happiness. The reality is that happiness comes from within and is something you can work towards daily. Rather than waiting for happiness to come externally, focus on shifting your perspective inward.

It is important to shift your perspective from the outcome to the process. You cannot control the outcome, but you can control the process. There is joy in the process. Let’s say you want to get promoted at work. The promotion is the outcome, but the process is honing your skills and gaining experience. These two things are going to help you transition into that new role. There is joy in growing professionally that a job title cannot give you.

Find the Joy

The way that you find joy in the process is by realizing that no person or opportunity can give you what you cannot give yourself. If you can not be happy where you are, you won’t be happy when you make it to where you want to go. When you place your happiness in external things, you will be disappointed. Life isn’t always predictable and it is important to be flexible. By being happy with where you are now, you can maintain that happiness as you work toward where you want to be.

Final Takeaways

The next time you set a goal, I want you to find ways to enjoy the process. While it is great to reach milestones, there is joy in the small moments. You might think you need something or someone to be happy, but this is a misconception. Instead, you can find everything you need within. I hope you enjoy the process more on your way to achieving your goals and dreams.

People are known as either savers or spenders. While how we manage money can reveal our financial habits, it doesn’t fully capture the emotional side of our decision-making. For some, saving might be motivated by the dream of buying a house, while others may spend money on travel to create memorable experiences. Understanding how we manage money and how we feel about money is crucial.

Retail Therapy

You’ve probably heard the term ‘retail therapy.’ I’ve been guilty of spending more when I was stressed. Shopping gave me a quick fix and made me feel more in control. Money became more than monetary value; it was a way to escape uncomfortable emotions. You wouldn’t know this because I consider myself more of a saver than a spender. But the truth is, how we spend money can often be deeply emotional.

I share my experience not to put the spotlight on myself but to help others realize they’re not alone. For many, talking about money can feel uncomfortable, but starting these conversations can foster greater self-awareness about our relationship with money. Retail therapy doesn’t have to lead to financial hardship; it’s all about moderation and mindfulness. If money is your only way of coping with emotions, consider exploring other ways to manage them.

Saving Vs Spending

Saving money can be just as emotional as spending it. Whether you’re saving for your dream home, booking a trip abroad, or planning a family reunion, the cost of these experiences can be significant. However, the memories you create are priceless. While being a saver is beneficial, being a spender isn’t necessarily bad. You deserve to enjoy your money, and spending it on meaningful experiences is a perfect way of doing that.

While saving money can be beneficial, it can also have a downside. For example, you may feel guilty about spending money, even when you can afford it. This feeling often stems from a scarcity mindset—one you may have developed growing up in a household where money was tight. Witnessing your parent’s struggle might have left you with an underlying fear of being without. Now, as an adult, you find yourself saving out of that same fear, trying to avoid the feeling how you did as a child.

Final Thoughts

When considering money, think beyond just being a saver or spender. Neither is better than the other. It is all about finding a balance between the two. More important than how you manage money is your relationship with money. Becoming self-aware of your emotions around saving and spending can improve your financial decisions. I hope this post can encourage you to be more mindful about how you view money.

Everyone faces rejection at some point, but not everyone reacts the same way. While some take it personally, others view it as an opportunity. Rejection doesn’t determine your worth or your future. Instead of taking it personally, recognize it as a sign that something better is coming. Adopting this mindset can empower you to keep moving forward toward your goals.

Rejection Isn’t About You

Imagine going for a job you want and acing the interview. You believe you are the best fit for the position. But, you get a call that the company chose another candidate. Naturally, you might feel devastated because you were confident that you got the job. It is important to remember that rejection is not a personal reflection of you. You can be qualified for the position, but that doesn’t always mean you are the best fit.

Shift Your Perspective

When you face rejection, it’s natural to wonder why you weren’t selected. But remember, you can’t control how others perceive you—only how you present yourself. If showing up as your best self isn’t enough, the job may not have been the right fit. Instead of dwelling on the outcome, view rejection as a chance to explore new opportunities. Keep your focus on your goals, and stay open to new possibilities. You can achieve your goals if you remain flexible and persistent.

You Are Enough

Rejection isn’t limited to the workplace; it can also happen in your social life. If you put yourself out there, there’s always a chance of facing rejection, but that doesn’t mean you’re not enough. Who you are will be enough for the right job and relationship. Remember, you are worth getting to know. If someone doesn’t want to date you or be in a relationship with you, it’s their loss. Ultimately, you’ve learned they weren’t the right person for you. The people who accept you are those who belong in your life.

Consider The Lesson

You can gain something valuable even from rejection. It just takes a shift in perspective. Instead of focusing on the question, ‘What’s wrong with me?’, ask yourself, ‘What is next for me?’ Rejection provides you with new information. It reveals that the opportunity or person you have wanted wasn’t the right fit. However, what you want is still possible if you keep moving forward.

Final Thoughts

Rejection doesn’t determine your self-worth or your future. If you experience rejection, don’t dwell on it. Instead, redirect your attention to what you want. You can have something better than you imagined by staying open to new possibilities. Remember, you are worthy of having what you desire.

Hurt people hurt people. When I think about the hurt I felt from what someone said or did to me, I recognize that it was not personal. I took it personally because I believed I was responsible for their behavior and tied my self-worth to how people treated me. Instead of taking what someone does personally, I take responsibility for how I feel and respond. Another person’s action is a reflection of them and not me.

You Are Not Responsible for Their Actions

The way someone treats you often says more about them than it does about you. When people belittle or hurt you, have you ever considered what might be happening in their lives? Often, people project their inner struggles onto others. Those who feel insecure may try to bring you down to feel better about themselves. Or maybe someone is just having a rough day and lashes out in frustration. It is natural to feel upset by their behavior but remember, you are not responsible for their actions.

Your Feelings Are Valid

Your feelings about how someone treats you are valid. As humans, we can be affected by the actions of others. However, while you are not responsible for how others behave, you are responsible for how you respond. This approach does not excuse poor behavior but empowers you to manage your emotions. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you’re not responsible for their actions, but you are responsible for how you feel. By choosing not to take things personally, you are not making yourself accountable for another’s actions.

Recognize Their Limitations

You deserve respect and kindness, but not everyone can give you this. People cannot give what they don’t have. Instead of taking it personally, understand this indicates their limitations, not your self-worth. You are worthy even if someone is being rude to you. You are worthy even if someone doesn’t like you. Your worth is not dependent on how someone treats you. Your worth is always internal. Do not allow someone else actions to define you.

Manage Your Expectations

Another thing to consider is your expectations of how someone should behave. While I believe people should be respectful, kind, and considerate, I also recognize people’s limitations. Some people might find it difficult to be kind when they are hurting. Some people might not see the value in kindness. The way people behave is reflective of their beliefs, values, and experiences. I cannot control how someone behaves, but I can manage my expectations.

Reclaim Your Power

I am learning not to take things personally. I took things personally in the past because I blamed myself for other people’s behaviors, tied my self-worth to how people treated me, and had unmet expectations. Now, I am taking more control over what I am responsible for. I am in control over how I feel, respond, and behave. I realize by not taking things personally, I am reclaiming my power.

Accepting who you are is a form of self-love. While this is a gift you can give yourself, many people do not feel deserving of love. You might not like who you are, but every part of you deserves love. It might not happen overnight, but with self-compassion, you can begin to accept who you are.

Challenge Your Negative Thoughts

Before you can accept who you are, it might be helpful to challenge what you think about yourself. If you struggle with self-acceptance, you may frequently engage in negative self-talk. You might focus on what’s wrong with you or what you don’t like about yourself. You might even believe you are unlovable or unworthy of love. But, even if you don’t feel worthy, you are worthy. You are worthy because you are a human being.

Recognize Your Innate Worth

Your self-image may stem from the love and treatment you received as a child. Those painful experiences do not define who you are. Those experiences do not determine your worthiness. If you were hurt, it is important to understand that you did not deserve that. The love you deserve is not limited to your past trauma. You can give yourself the love you want.

Accepting Every Part of Yourself

Loving who you are is about embracing all parts of you. The qualities you love and the qualities you might have a hard time loving. Because if you cannot fully be you, you are not showing up authentically. When you practice self-compassion, you embrace your imperfections. You recognize that you are worthy of love. You speak to yourself with kindness. You are patient with yourself. All these things are essential to accepting who you are.

All of who you are is enough. I hope you recognize your inherent worth and fully accept who you are. You are deserving of love.