Category: Mindset

Growing up, watching the news felt like watching a horror movie. I knew it was scary, but I couldn’t look away. There were things I saw that I wish I hadn’t. As an adult, I’ve learned that if the headline is triggering, I don’t need to click on the article. For me, protecting my peace means intentionally avoiding harmful content, environments, and people. What are you consuming that might be costing you peace?

The Hidden Cost of Social Media

If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive. When we think about our peace, how much of it is being taken away by the content we consume on social media? Research shows that excessive use of social media can increase symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress. It could be because we are comparing ourselves to others, experiencing cyberbullying, or isolating ourselves from the real world. Does this mean we should delete our social media accounts? Not necessarily. But becoming more mindful of how much time we spend on it might be the first step toward reclaiming our peace.

Boundaries = Peace

Is there someone or something outside of social media affecting your peace? A gossiping friend? A toxic work environment? Family drama? These are all things that can take a toll on your mental health. If there’s one word I believe is most helpful in situations like these, it’s boundaries. Setting a boundary could mean making a request, limiting your interactions, or even completely removing yourself from a harmful situation.

The next time you feel stressed about something, ask yourself: What boundary do I need to set? The next time you feel drained after a conversation with someone, pause and ask: What boundary could protect my energy next time? By setting boundaries, you safeguard your peace.

Make Peace with Yourself

Last but not least, be kind to yourself. Many of us don’t have peace with ourselves because we don’t believe we’re enough. But whether we realize it or not, we are enough. The moment we recognize our innate worth is the moment we discover true peace. Allow peace to be your standard, not just a preference.

There are 365 days in a year, which equals 8,760 hours. Yet, with all that time, we often fall short of our goals. Why is that? Sometimes, I think it’s because we leap when we can take a small step. Just because you have a big dream doesn’t mean you have to make a huge jump. How do you walk up the stairs? It’s one step at a time. The same mindset can apply to pursuing your dreams. All it takes is the courage to start and the consistency to keep going.

Stepping Stones Lead to Milestones

Walt Disney says we can fulfill our dreams if we have the courage to pursue them. For years, my blog was just a thought until I was brave enough to take action. While courage helped me begin, it was consistency that helped me grow. I set a goal to write weekly, and before long, I had published 100 posts. I think sometimes we forget that it’s the stepping stones that lead us to the milestone. With this in mind, what is one small step you can take to reach your goals?

Trusting the Process

While there is more than one way to achieve a goal, I think sometimes we skip important steps. Before I could launch my blog, I needed to identify my niche, choose a blog name, select a domain, and find a hosting provider. I didn’t rush through these steps; instead, I did thorough research to see what worked best for me. Although the process took longer, I still reached my goal. If we still get what we want, why does it matter how long it takes? The pressure we put on ourselves to achieve things by a certain time is what causes us to rush the process. If we learn to appreciate the process as much as the outcome, it could help us slow down.

Taking the First Step

We all have dreams, goals, and desires, but what’s stopping us from reaching them? Two things come to mind: a lack of courage and consistency. We need the courage to start and the consistency to grow. Think about something you want to achieve in the next year. Now, identify one action you can take each week to move toward that goal. Remember Walt Disney’s words: All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

While many people strive to achieve success, others go to great lengths to avoid failure. But success doesn’t come without the lessons from failure. Instead of allowing failure to define us, we might consider what it can teach us. If we’re open to these lessons, we may discover resilience and an identity that goes beyond our accomplishments.

Embracing Failure as Part of the Process

Failure isn’t something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Think about how we learned to walk as babies. We had to fall and get back up many times before we could walk confidently. As adults, we sometimes forget that learning anything new takes time, effort, and making mistakes. Too often, we put pressure on ourselves to be perfect because we’re afraid to fail. But failure is essential to growth. It’s how we learn, adapt, and improve.

The Power of Getting Back Up

How many times are you willing to get back up? The answer to this question is an indication of your resilience. The road to success has never been described as easy. However, if we persevere through the challenges, mistakes, judgments, and failures, we can ultimately reach success. Perfection isn’t the key to success; perseverance is. Your resilience will determine how successful you can become.

Resilience > Approval

We often don’t take risks because we are afraid to fail. If we fail, we believe people will judge us. While being judged doesn’t feel great, it doesn’t define who we are. In fact, taking risks shows courage and confidence. Although success is something we can be proud of, our identity is not limited to what we accomplish. We are still capable even in failure. We are still worthy even if people judge us.

Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones

If you want to be successful in life, don’t be afraid to fail. Failure doesn’t define us; it’s how we respond to it that matters. One common trait among many successful people is resilience. Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, and Michael Jordan didn’t allow failure to hold them back. In fact, they allowed it to push them forward. By having the courage to fail and the strength to persevere, you can also become successful.

It’s one thing when people doubt you, but it’s another thing when you doubt yourself. Throughout life, I’ve experienced many moments of self-doubt. While fear gets a bad rep, it isn’t always the culprit. As a matter of fact, it’s the pressure we put on ourselves that makes us question who we are and what we can do. We often doubt ourselves because we push ourselves beyond who we believe we are. Some of us don’t know we’re great because we’re waiting on someone to tell us. Well, the wait is officially over. It’s time to look in the mirror and recognize the greatness that’s been there all along.

The Gift of Quiet Confidence

Some people will never know how special they are because no one ever told them. Not everyone becomes a movie star. Not everyone graces the cover of a magazine. Not everyone makes the Forbes list. But we don’t need the spotlight to shine. Our greatness doesn’t depend on how others see us. We often view ourselves not by who we are but by how others see us. If they don’t see our greatness, we don’t see it either. But maybe we can change that. Just because they don’t see our light doesn’t mean we’re not shining.

The Pressure to Be Perfect

When I think about self-doubt, I think about the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect, or worse, like someone we’re not. It’s not that we aren’t capable; it’s that we often place unrealistic expectations on ourselves. What if our best is good enough? What if we were okay with being ourselves? What if we saw failure as an opportunity? What if we let go of who we think we should be? Often, “what if” is followed by the worst-case scenario, but what if we imagined a better one? We might discover that self-doubt can turn into self-confidence.

The Light Within

When I reflect on my life, college was the time I experienced the most self-doubt. It wasn’t because I didn’t know I was smart. It was because I didn’t know I could become something more: a college graduate. Despite my determination, I felt uncertainty about my future. I’ll never forget when my friend Alexis said to me, “You have a bright future.” Those words stayed with me, but I didn’t quite believe them until years later. The moment I stopped doubting myself, I saw the light. Not the light at the end of the tunnel, but the light within me. That was the turning point, when I finally recognized my capability. 

From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence

Self-doubt is something we all experience at some point, but we don’t have to let it hold us back. It starts with letting go of who we think we should be and becoming comfortable with who we are. Imperfect yet capable. Different yet special. Scared yet brave. Self-doubt isn’t a sign of inadequacy; it’s a signal for growth. Are you willing to grow? 

I recently reached a career milestone. I got my first promotion! It’s been one of the highlights of my year, yet I find myself already asking, what’s next? I’ve asked this question at every stage of life: after graduating from college, after landing my first job, and even now. It’s like I’m chasing a future that will always be ahead of me. Now, I wonder why I can’t be satisfied with where I am? On the surface, it looks like ambition, but if I’m honest, it’s a lack of gratitude.

Enjoy the Journey

I realized that if I can’t be content with where I am, I’ll never be content with where I’m going. When was the last time you appreciated where you are or what you have? A life well lived is about enjoying the journey, not just the destination. Taking time to be grateful helps us appreciate where we are. We’ve already arrived, but do we even realize it? Do we know we’re enough despite where we are? Or are we striving to be enough?

Practice Gratitude

We’ve done enough. We have enough. We are enough. If you don’t believe this, maybe it’s time to ask what beliefs are driving the desire for more. Is it a belief that external accomplishments define your value? Do you think you’ll finally be happy once you have everything you want? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, it might be time to look within. Instead of chasing what’s next, we can pause and ask ourselves: What can I be grateful for in this moment?

Celebrate Your Progress

Did you know 40% of happiness lies in our choices, thoughts, and behaviors, and only 10% is based on circumstance? Knowing this stat has challenged me to be more grateful for what I have. I could have more, but I could also appreciate what I already have. While I could achieve more, I can also take pride in what I’ve already achieved. I would encourage you to write down all the goals you’ve reached in the past 5 years. Now, take a moment to be proud of what you’ve already done.

Final Thoughts

While milestones are worth celebrating, let’s not forget to appreciate the stepping stones. I’m learning to be grateful for where I am right now. For the next 30 days, I challenge you to write down three things you’re thankful for every day. This simple practice can help you recognize that you have enough, you’ve done enough, and you are enough.

The hardships we face today are the lessons we learn tomorrow. Yet, many see difficulties as roadblocks rather than stepping stones. This mindset prevents us from seeing the opportunities that challenges can offer us. If we focused on how we could grow and what we could learn, our perspective might change. We might shift from feeling powerless to powerful. While our circumstances don’t define who we are, the way we respond to them does. We are capable of handling hard things, and it starts with having a growth mindset.

Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset

There are two types of mindsets: growth and fixed. A growth mindset helps you focus on the lesson instead of just the problem. While we can’t always control what happens to us, we can control what we take away from the experience. When I was in college, I struggled in a math class and worried I might fail. Instead of giving up, I went to tutoring after class. Over time, my quiz scores improved, and I finished the semester with a good grade. But if I had just focused on the problem, I wouldn’t have seen the lesson. From that experience, I learned that asking for help can make a difference.

Redefining Strength

What is the difference between being strong and being resilient? To me, strong is an external ideal, while resilience is an innate power. If you’ve made it this far in life, chances are you’ve persevered through some challenges. Some may define you as a strong person, but I want us to expand how we see strength. Asking for help during tough times is a strength. Being in touch with how you feel is another strength. When we go through trials, it isn’t about showing people how strong we are, but allowing people to see our vulnerability. We are resilient. But we don’t always need to be “strong”.

Being Comfortable with Change

While challenges can be uncomfortable, they allow us to grow. Often, it’s not the challenge itself, but our resistance to change that makes it difficult. People who struggle with challenges frequently have a fixed mindset and believe they can’t improve. But we are all capable of growth if we give ourselves the chance. When I created my blog, I didn’t know how to design a website, but I decided to learn. What was once unfamiliar territory became an opportunity for growth. When responding to challenges, don’t allow fear to keep you stuck.

Shifting Your Focus

When you face a challenge, there is a question I want you to answer. What can I learn and how can I grow? This exercise can help you shift from what you can’t control to what you can. By doing this, you are developing a growth mindset, which makes it easier to overcome challenges.

Everyone has an opinion of you, but the mistake we make is tying our identity to how people view us. The way someone perceives you often reflects more about them than about you. If someone sees you as unworthy, does that make you unworthy? The answer is NO. Here’s why I think it is important to be mindful of how we allow people’s perceptions to influence us.

1.) People have limitations

Someone’s views of you reflect their beliefs, biases, and experiences. If someone doesn’t think you are attractive, that doesn’t mean you are unattractive. They are expressing an opinion, not a fact. Too often, we mistake opinions for facts. Their perception of how beautiful you are is also a reflection of how they see beauty. Some people’s ideas of beauty are purely preferential. Instead of trying to fit their preference, create your own. What do you find attractive about yourself? It doesn’t have to be limited to physical appearance; it can be the way you carry yourself. Being uniquely you is beautiful.

Before mirrors existed, people used pools of water to see their reflection. Can you imagine not having a mirror to see yourself? The irony is that every time we allow others to define us, we are looking into a pool of water. We have a distorted view of ourselves when we focus on the opinions of others. What if the same person who thinks you are unworthy is projecting how they feel? You are not unworthy because someone says it. You feel unworthy because you believe it. We are all worthy, but we have to start looking in the mirror to see it.

2.) Opinions are inconsistent

Have you ever had someone say to you, “When I first met you, I thought you were (fill in the blank), but as I got to know you, I realized that you aren’t that way.” Their opinion of you changed because they had more information. The reverse also happens. Some people like you until they discover what they don’t like. Many people are fickle, and if you’re not careful, you can start confusing their opinions with your identity. We need people in our lives whose opinions are more consistent with who we are. Without that, we may begin to question our worth anytime someone’s opinion changes. Instead, we can start liking ourselves first and then choose people who like us back.

3.) Self-worth starts with you

Our confidence is determined by how we perceive ourselves, not the opinion of others. You might not believe this, but how you see yourself is more important than how others perceive you. We don’t need validation to confirm what is already within. We are inherently worthy, which means there’s nothing external that can make us enough. We can start recognizing our worth by looking at who we are. We all carry values and strengths within us. We need to start focusing more on these things. Self-worth isn’t something you find in the approval of others. It is something you recognize within yourself.

Final Takeaway

We cannot control how people perceive us, but we can control how we see ourselves. Take a moment today to list three things you love about yourself. Allow these qualities to be your focus, and you will begin to realize how worthy you’ve always been.

When it comes to self-esteem, negative self-talk is the most damaging. If we know this to be true, why do we engage in it? It could be because it is familiar. Does it sound like something you heard growing up? You will never amount to anything. You are stupid. You are a bad person. You probably never questioned these beliefs, which is why these beliefs became a part of your identity. None of those hurtful things are true, but because you never challenged those beliefs, they became your inner critic.

Where the Inner Critic Comes From

I think many people don’t challenge their inner critics because it’s almost like challenging their parents. Maybe your parents were critical of you. Or it was your best friend or significant other. Even the people closest to us can say things that are not true or helpful. Your inner critic is the same way. It doesn’t help you to become better, it keeps you small. It is important to challenge those limiting beliefs because they are holding us back from our truest selves. The truth is that we are capable, worthy, and lovable. But until we can stand up to our inner critic, we can’t step into our power.

Let Go of the Mold

Stop allowing low standards to be your identity. There may be a part of you scared of failure, so you don’t challenge yourself. You might also be afraid to be bigger than what people want you to be. It isn’t your responsibility to fit into a mold. It is your birthright to break the mold if that means you can be exactly who you are. I think many struggle with being themselves because they believe, If people knew who I was, they wouldn’t like me. But wouldn’t it be better to be understood than liked? We can’t allow our inner critic to keep us from being who we are.

How Fear Disguises Itself as Safety

At times, the inner critic attempts to protect us, but it does so in a harmful manner. When you think about the negative beliefs that replay in your mind, what about them is keeping you safe? Imagine you have a goal that will allow you to experience a better life, but you are afraid of disappointment. Your inner critic protects you by saying, That’s too hard. You can’t do that. Stick with what you know. This thought process keeps you stuck and keeps you from your full potential. Instead, we might need to embrace fear to get to where we want. It might not be easy, but it is worth it for things you truly desire.

Meet Your Inner Critic with Curiosity

The next time you deal with your inner critic, I want you to be curious. When you have a negative thought, ask yourself “Where does this belief stem from”? You weren’t born thinking this way, so it came from someone. Who was critical of you growing up? These people have now become your inner critic. Then, ask yourself how helpful or true are these thoughts? If it’s not making you feel more capable and worthy it’s probably more harmful than good. Lastly, what is the belief protecting you from? Even playing it safe can cause you to miss out on what you deserve.

You Are Worthy, Capable, and Lovable

We all have an inner critic, but we can’t allow it to keep us small. We are capable, worthy, and lovable. You might read these words and not believe them yet. I completely understand because it took me a while to believe them. They didn’t become true for me because someone said them to me. They became true because I recognized that being human makes me worthy, capable, and lovable. The next time your inner critic says something negative, I hope you remember those words.

Milestones are significant moments that we experience throughout life. While they can be exciting, they are often followed by uncertainty. I think about graduating from high school, getting accepted into college, starting my first full-time job, and paying off my student loans. As I get older, I continue to experience new milestones, but the in-between moments were the most challenging to navigate. If I knew then what I know now, I’d tell myself to celebrate my achievements, reflect on my journey, and embrace new beginnings. While I am grateful for the milestones I reached, I needed to learn how to enjoy the journey.

Achieving a Milestone

I remember the day I graduated college as one of the proudest moments of my life. It was an unforgettable moment because I accomplished something my parents had never done. After years of hard work, I earned a bachelor’s degree. I had finished school, but now I was stepping into the unknown. I graduated from college without a job lined up, but I had an interview scheduled for the following week. Thankfully, I landed the job and started working weeks later. Looking back, I wish I had taken more time to appreciate what I had accomplished. Being the first comes with immense pressure, and I wish I had taken more time to celebrate myself.

Celebrating Achievements

When you think about the things you accomplished, how did you celebrate? Sometimes, celebrating our milestones can help us to savor the moment. I can admit I haven’t always celebrated milestones. But I think it’s something I could benefit from. I believe having a celebration reminds you of what you’ve accomplished. It isn’t just about checking a box and moving on to the next thing. It’s about taking time to show yourself appreciation for all you’ve done. Whether you celebrate by having a party or treating yourself to something nice, make sure it’s special. You deserve to be celebrated and take each milestone as an opportunity to do so.

Self-reflecting

After celebrating, it is essential to reflect on our journey. Often, we are so focused on where we want to go that we don’t appreciate where we are. Where we are is more important than where we want to go. Our current path is what helps us move to the next level. I believe self-reflection can help us navigate after milestones. By reflecting on our experiences, we can learn valuable lessons that help us continue moving forward.

Embracing New Beginnings

An ending is a new beginning. Milestones are great, but they are only moments throughout life. These moments don’t last forever, which is why it is important to be open to new experiences. I think many people struggle with uncertainty and are afraid of what’s next. But change is what keeps life exciting and helps you evolve. While I understand how good it feels to reach certain milestones, I also recognize the shift that takes place. You are somewhere you’ve never been before and now have an opportunity to experience something new.

Enjoying Every Moment

Milestones will occur throughout our lives, and it is essential that we know how to navigate through them. Life isn’t just about what we accomplish but how we choose to enjoy our lives. Through each milestone, I hope that you remember to celebrate, reflect, and embrace change. It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s next that we forget to appreciate what’s now. Milestones are simply small moments that add up to something bigger. Make sure to enjoy each moment.

As someone who has experienced dark moments, I recognize the importance of remaining hopeful. When I was going through depression as a young adult, hope was something that kept me alive. While it was agonizing to deal with the symptoms of depression, I had hope that someday things would get better for me. Over time, things changed for me. I felt more in control of the life I wanted. If I could overcome depression, I could be hopeful that everything else was possible. If hope could pull me out of a dark place, it could also take me to a brighter future. When I feel discouraged, I remind myself to be hopeful.

Because I’m predisposed to depression, being hopeful during difficult times doesn’t always come naturally. However, I also recognize that I can choose to be optimistic despite how I feel. There are things that I can do to feel better, and it starts with my mindset. I have control over my thoughts and the actions I take. I also remind myself that whatever I am going through is happening right now. This shift keeps me grounded in the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

I have experienced highs and lows throughout life. More important than what I was going through was how I responded to my circumstances. I have a right to feel sad, disappointed, and discouraged. I also have a right to feel happy, grateful, and hopeful. Regardless of my emotions, I still have a choice. Some days, I feel down, but I still choose to do things I enjoy. I have learned that I can either have hope because of my circumstances or despite them.

While change is inevitable, it doesn’t always happen overnight. I am learning to have faith in the things I hope for. When things don’t happen as I expect, I tend to question if they will ever happen. This mindset has left me discouraged about the future. Instead, I focus on what I desire and remind myself it is still possible. The quickest way to lose hope is to doubt what is possible. The fastest way to gain hope is to believe in what is possible. I have learned to embrace the latter.

When I think of the most inspirational people, one thing I have noticed is their hope. People like Martin Luther King Jr gave a message of hope during unfathomable times. He had a dream that one-day things would be different. If he could have hope then, I can have hope now. It may not always be easy, but seeing leaders before me have it reminds me how important it is to remain hopeful. I choose hope because I see how far it can take you. Hope is often the catalyst for change.

When I wrote this post, I had one thing in mind. Hope. Hope is what keeps me going during hard times. I needed something to remind me of the importance of hope. I also wanted to share my story of hope and encourage you. Despite what you are going through, I hope you know things can change. Hope can take you far if you allow it.