Category: Relationships

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Relationships come to teach us, not to complete us. A healthy relationship consists of two whole people. Being content with yourself is essential before finding contentment with someone else. There are several signs that you are ready for a relationship. These include knowing and accepting yourself, being emotionally mature, knowing what you want, and putting yourself out there.

1. You Know Who You Are

One way to know you are ready for a relationship is that you know who you are. Knowing who you are gives you an identity outside a relationship status. Your relationship status does not add value to you. You are valuable whether you are in a relationship or not. You are worth getting to know. Spend some time with yourself and start getting to know yourself better. Know what your triggers are. Heal from past trauma. Find out what you like and dislike. Find out what your passions are. Find out what type of person you are. Find out what you value. Before you search for the one, be the one who knows who they are aside from a relationship.

2. You Accept Yourself

Another way to know you are ready for a relationship is that you accept who you are. You are a unique individual and offer something special to this world. Embrace your individuality. Resist the comparison trap. Focus on your unique qualities and accept your imperfections. When you treat yourself well, you invite others to do the same. Accepting who you are is about recognizing that you are a work in progress. It is okay if you do not have everything together. Working on improving yourself is a step in the right direction. Acceptance also means being okay with rejection because it does not define your value. The right people will accept you as you are. 

3. You Are Emotionally Mature

Being emotionally mature is another sign you are ready for a relationship. Often, communication is a huge part of relationships. It is crucial you know how to communicate your needs to your partner. It is also essential to actively listen and understand another person’s perspective. Conflict is a normal part of the relationship. Knowing how to communicate can help you to resolve conflicts. Some other indicators of emotional maturity include setting and respecting boundaries, apologizing, and taking accountability for your actions. Additionally, you are comfortable being vulnerable and expressing your emotions.

4. You Know What You Want

You are clear about your desires and have standards for your ideal partner. You are unwavering in your nonnegotiables and are willing to hold out for what you deserve rather than settle. You have a vision for the life you want to build with a significant other. You do not succumb to societal pressures dictating when love should come into your life. Remember, good things often come to those who wait, and focusing on becoming the best version of yourself while staying open to love can lead to finding the right person at any age.

5. You Put Yourself Out There

You are also willing to put yourself out there. It is about being open to getting to know someone new and showing interest. It can be as simple as eye contact and a smile. You might even consider being set up by a friend or trying online dating. Putting yourself out there is also about being honest about what you want by communicating your interests, values, desires, and intentions. You want the person to understand who you are to determine if they are the right fit. You might face rejection when you put yourself out there, but that is part of the dating process. When someone rejects you, they are doing you a favor. They are letting you know they are not the one for you. That is okay because the one for you will choose you.

Conclusion: Are You Ready for a Relationship?

You might desire a relationship, but are you prepared for one? It can be challenging to have a truly satisfying experience in a relationship if you are feeling incomplete when you start it. A healthy and loving relationship calls for two whole individuals. Reflect on what makes you ready for a relationship. If you can confidently say, “I know who I am. I accept who I am. I am emotionally mature. I know what I want. I put myself out there,” then you are ready for a relationship.

The way you show up in relationships can give clues to the kind of attachment style you may have. A secure attachment style is the type of attachment you want to have if you want the best chance of having fulfilling relationships. An insecure attachment style can prevent you from having the relationship you desire. There are four attachment styles: secure, fearful-avoidant, dismissive-avoidant, and anxious-preoccupied. These styles are shaped by early childhood and influence how adults behave in relationships. In this post, I will cover each of them and how early childhood experiences with parents influence our beliefs and behaviors.

Attachment Theory

Before delving into the four attachment styles, let’s explore and understand how they originated. Attachment theory was developed by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s. Later, Mary Ainsworth, his colleague, expanded on this theory and classified attachments as secure or insecure. These styles were identified through a study conducted in the 1970s, which involved observing children between 12-18 months and their mothers. Parents were asked to leave their children briefly and then return. The child’s response to the parent’s return was critical to identifying the four attachment styles.

Secure

There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Less than 50 percent of the population has a secure attachment style. Adults with a secure attachment style tend to have more fulfilling and satisfying relationships. They grew up in a home where emotional safety was established through healthy communication and boundaries. It is relatively easy to form healthy relationships because they are confident in themselves. Their early childhood experiences taught them their worth.

Anxious Preoccupied

Adults with insecure attachment styles tend to face challenges in forming healthy relationships. An insecure attachment can be characterized as anxious-preoccupied. There may have been some inconsistency in their childhood with this type of attachment. The parent may have been loving but worked long hours. As adults, they may fear being alone or abandoned because they believe people they love will leave them. They attempt to resolve this belief by maintaining proximity in relationships. This behavior may look like reaching out frequently through phone calls and texts.

Dismissive Avoidant

The next type of insecure attachment is dismissive-avoidant. This style may be more common in adults who experienced emotional neglect in their childhood. Their parent may have been unresponsive to their emotional needs. It is also likely the child was criticized for showing their emotions. This may have led to the belief that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. As an adult, they appear more independent and emotionally reserved.

Fearful Avoidant

The last type of insecure attachment is fearful-avoidant. Adults with this attachment style may have experienced a lot of chaos during their childhood. The parent may have been unpredictable when they abused alcohol, causing the child to be afraid of their parents. As adults, people with fearful-avoidant attachment styles may struggle to trust that they can be close to someone without getting hurt. Therefore, it’s common for them to send mixed signals in relationships.

Final Thoughts

There are four attachment styles, and knowing where you fall can provide insight into how early childhood experiences with parents impacted your beliefs and behaviors as an adult. A secure attachment is essential to having healthy relationships. An insecure attachment style can be detrimental to forming healthy bonds. Fortunately, you can change your attachment styles through a process known as reprogramming. As you begin to adopt healthier behaviors and beliefs, you will start to experience better relationships.

The Attachment Style Quiz