Category: Self Care

Whenever I got a cut and used rubbing alcohol to treat it, I would wince because of the burning sensation. It felt as if the healing process was more painful than the injury itself. The same can be true for emotional wounds. Sometimes, healing from our past is an uncomfortable experience. I believe some people avoid their pain because they’re not ready to face the discomfort. I empathize with you because I have been there. However, taking the first step toward healing requires us to feel the pain.

Acknowledge Your Hurt

I used to avoid thinking about hurtful experiences because I didn’t want to feel sad. But ignoring the way I felt was teaching me to avoid pain. It’s not about reliving the past but about understanding how it’s impacting you now. Have you ever just cried about what happened to you? You might believe not crying makes you a strong person. I want to challenge that by saying strength comes in many forms. A person who knows how to regulate their emotions is the kind of strength you want to have. Take a moment to acknowledge how sad, disappointed, or hurt you were because of what was done or said to you. Now, let’s release these emotions.

Healing Through Expression

When I think of an artist like Adele, I think about how she uses her music to process heartbreak. It made me wonder how healing it can be to express yourself through writing. You don’t have to write a song or perform in front of millions to release pain. You can start by writing a letter about how you feel and the impact of your experiences. You may even address the people who hurt you in the letter. Allow yourself to be raw, honest, and vulnerable. You don’t need to give the letter to the person to heal. Sometimes just writing the letter is enough to release the pain.

You Don’t Have to Heal Alone

Sometimes, we need someone to witness our pain before we can release it. Coregulation is about navigating your emotions with another person. It could be with a therapist, friend, or pastor. Sharing your story with someone who can hold space for it is essential. We don’t have to carry everything alone. Just as a surgeon is needed to stitch deep physical wounds, a therapist can help us process and heal trauma. If you are having a hard time letting go, consider reaching out to a trauma therapist for support.

Healing Takes Time and Commitment

You probably heard the saying time heals all wounds. If this statement is true, then it means the healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some experiences can take a lifetime to heal. I’m not saying this to discourage you but to help you keep things in perspective. Healing is a process that requires patience and commitment. How committed are you to healing your trauma? Some days are going to be tough, but are you willing to persevere to get to your breakthrough? Because on the other side of the pain is the power to overcome it.

The Power of Connection

While healing starts within, the relationships we have can significantly impact our healing journey. When you think about any painful experiences, who did you need, and what did you need at that moment? While we can’t change the past, we can learn from it. Sometimes, our past teaches us what we need by highlighting what we didn’t have. You probably learned from your past what your needs are, what boundaries to have, and what you truly desire. Now, you can use this insight to cultivate relationships that support your well-being. There’s no better feeling than having what you wanted in the past right now.

A Word of Encouragement

If you are reading this post, I want to say I am proud of you. The fact that you are ready to heal is a sign of how brave you are. If you’re not ready yet, I hope you will get there one day. I’ve been on both ends and have immense empathy for people who are on the journey and who aren’t quite ready yet. On the healing journey, I hope that you remember to express yourself, allow others to support you, and be patient with yourself.

Many people’s first impression of me is often quiet or reserved. No one’s ever called me ‘guarded,’ but I know I am. I used to believe being guarded was a weakness. Now, I recognize it as one of my strengths. I protect my heart because it’s sacred to me. I’m not an open book. I’m a limited edition. Only a few know my story.

Quality Vs Quantity

Some people are like open books, but I have learned to accept that I am not as revealing. I tend to be cautious around new people and selective about who I let into my life. While it does limit the number of relationships I have, it also creates space for quality relationships. For me, it’s the depth of my relationships that matters to me most. I’d rather preserve my heart for people who can handle it with care.

Self-Acceptance

I have always admired people who open up effortlessly and wished I could be the same way. However, I realize that I can open up at my own pace. I don’t have to be like everyone because I am a unique person. If being open is admirable, being cautious is wise. I’d rather be wise because that serves me better than being liked. My quiet demeanor allows me to be thoughtful, curious, and considerate. These are traits that I appreciate about myself.

Self-Protection

Being guarded has protected me through the years. While it hasn’t prevented heartbreak, it has helped me maintain my self-respect. This guard allows me to let go of unfulfilling relationships, to be more intentional, and to recognize when I deserve better. It’s a protective part of myself that I want to keep. This protection is loving, and I am grateful for it. I realized being protective of myself is a form of self-love.

Self-Reflection

I often think about letting my guard down more. While I believe it helps keep out the wrong people, I wonder if it also keeps out the right ones. I value quality over quantity but wonder if lowering my guard could allow me to have both. Could I have quality and quantity? I’m not opposed to taking that risk; I just want to be ready before I do.

Now that I’ve shared one way I protect myself, I’d love to hear about yours. The part of yourself that you may judge is probably a form of self-protection. I used to judge how guarded I was because I didn’t realize how this quality served me. But, I have learned that protection is love and not to take this part of myself for granted.

Some people go to the gym and eat healthy to stay in shape, but our emotional well-being is just as important. We all have emotional needs, and how we prioritize them plays a crucial role in our overall health. To ensure you’re taking care of your emotional well-being, start by identifying your needs, assessing your relationships, and communicating when needs are unmet.

Identify Your Needs

What are your emotional needs? Love and acceptance are two of the most common, but there are many more. There is nothing wrong with admitting you have emotional needs. You are not needy because you have more than one need. You are self-aware and connected to an important part of you. I want to encourage you to be honest about what you need emotionally. The best way to discover this is to quiet your mind and open your heart. Spend some time in solitude to clarify what truly matters to you.

Assess Your Emotional Fulfillment

What emotional needs are currently unmet in your life, and how does that affect you? Many people feel unfulfilled in their relationships because their emotional needs are unmet. You might feel loved by someone, but you don’t feel understood. People often say love isn’t enough to keep a relationship, and I agree. Love is the baseline, but emotional needs are the building blocks. Once you love someone, it is important to understand what their needs are. How well you understand someone is different from how well you love them. It is through your love for them that you desire to understand them.

I have an exercise that can help you assess unfulfilling relationships. Start by writing down all your emotional needs. Next, list the significant relationships in your life and write your needs under each person’s name. Then, go through each person and rate, on a scale from 1 to 10, how satisfied you are with how well they meet your needs. You might find that no one can fulfill all your needs, but some will meet most, while others meet less than half. If someone meets fewer than half of your needs, it could be time to reassess that relationship. This exercise doesn’t necessarily mean you need to end the relationship, but it can open a conversation about what you need to feel more connected.

Communicate Your Needs

How comfortable are you with communicating your needs? Sometimes the reason needs go unmet is because they aren’t being expressed. People can’t know what you need unless you are willing to be vulnerable and share it. Many people struggle with sharing their needs or aren’t clear about them. Instead of being afraid to communicate your needs, recognize that your needs are more important than what you fear. Don’t allow your fear of judgment, disappointment, or rejection to get in the way of having what you want.

If you struggle to express vulnerability in relationships, this may be an opportunity for you to become more comfortable with how you feel. Often, vulnerability starts with you journaling your emotions. When was the last time you acknowledged feeling sad, scared, angry, or hurt? While these emotions may be uncomfortable, they are present to signal what you need. If you ignore these signals, you are potentially neglecting your emotional needs. Instead of focusing on being comfortable with sharing your needs, start by being comfortable with being present with your emotions.

Final Thoughts

Taking care of your emotional well-being is essential to staying connected with what matters to you. If you don’t feel fulfilled, I want you to identify your needs, assess your current relationships, and communicate your needs. Doing these things creates space for the kind of relationships you desire.

Treat yourself how you want others to treat you. When you think about how you treat yourself, is it the same way you want others to treat you? If you are critical of yourself, how would you feel if someone was critical of you? I believe having the relationships you want starts with treating yourself better.

You Deserve Kindness

How often do you criticize yourself? Many may not realize how critical they are of themselves. Negative self-talk is not only unkind but unhelpful to your personal growth. While you might believe being hard on yourself helps you grow, it can limit your growth. You deserve to be spoken to with love and kindness. You may be imperfect, but you are not defective. Instead of criticizing yourself, practice self-compassion.

Recognize Your Greatness

How do you respond to compliments? Many people who are hard on themselves find it difficult to accept positive feedback. They might often downplay their strengths or doubt their greatness. Some people may struggle to recognize their greatness because they spend so much time criticizing themselves. You are as great as people say you are. Everyone isn’t lying. But every time you deny your greatness, you are lying to yourself.

You Are Enough

When was the last time you compared yourself to someone? Often, we want to see how we measure up to someone, but why? We can never measure up to another person because we are unique. We have unique talents, strengths, and dreams. Why measure up to someone when you can just be you? There is an opportunity for you to make a difference in this world. And it starts with you being exactly who you are.

Accept Who You Are

What judgments do you have about yourself? We often judge ourselves for being different. Or we might judge ourselves from past mistakes. I want you to challenge the judgment you might have about yourself. If you judge yourself for being different, I want you to know that there is beauty in being you. If you judge yourself for past mistakes, I want you to know there is strength in being imperfect.

Your Needs Matter

How often do you put yourself first? For some people, it is rare. You might value the needs of others over your own. But your needs matter also. You deserve to care, and it starts with developing a self-care practice. One loving thing you can do to start is to become more comfortable with saying no. Saying no is not selfish; it is self-care.

Final Thoughts

I hope this post inspires you to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Stop downplaying your strengths, comparing yourself to others, judging or criticizing who you are, and neglecting your needs. You teach people how to treat you. Make sure the way you treat yourself is reflective of how you want others to treat you.

How are you doing? This question often gets asked by strangers, but when is the last time you ask yourself this question honestly? When was the last time you took a moment to reflect on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being? It is easy to get distracted by your job, friends, and family that you do not realize how unwell you are. Prioritizing your overall well-being begins with a simple question: How are you doing?

Acknowledge Your Feelings

How are you doing? You might say you are fine. But I have a follow-up question for you. How have you been feeling lately? Is it sad, scared, disappointed, excited, or happy? Whatever emotion it is, acknowledge it. By asking this question, you are checking in on your emotional well-being. Our emotions play an essential part in our overall well-being. If you are having a hard time, consider reaching out to others for support.

Monitor Your Thoughts

A study shows that the average person has over 6,000 thoughts a day. Another way to check in with yourself is by asking yourself: what has been on my mind lately? It is often your thoughts that affect how you feel and behave. If you are constantly worried about the future, you might be dealing with anxiety. Or if you frequently have negative thoughts about yourself, you might have low self-esteem. Consider journaling to become more mindful of your thought patterns.

Listen to Your Body

How much energy do you have? Another way you can check in with how well you are doing is by checking in with your body. Often, it is your body that is telling you to take a break, to get more sleep, or to get some fresh air. Your physical health and your mental health are connected. If you are tired, it might be your body’s way of letting you know you need a break. Or maybe you are dealing with digestive issues, then it might be a symptom of anxiety or stress. By checking in with your body, you are checking in with your mental health.

Take Time to Reflect

How are you doing goes beyond a simple answer. It involves understanding your mental, emotional, and physical health. Taking time to be reflective is one of the first steps in prioritizing your well-being. Make sure you are doing well in all areas of your health.

Most people want to be happy, but not many people are. While you might believe you are unhappy because you have yet to reach a particular goal in life or have not found your person, happiness is internal. While relationships, money, and material possessions can enhance your happiness, they cannot sustain it. Instead, happiness comes from within. It is about creating a life centered around your values.

Looking Externally

Relationships can increase happiness, but they cannot sustain it. In the honeymoon stage of relationships, it is pure bliss. Some people say they are on cloud 9 when they are in love. This high that people experience comes from the release of dopamine. Like any high, it will eventually wear off. For many couples, the honeymoon stage does not last forever. You cannot rely on another person to keep you happy.

While people may believe the right person can make you happy, a relationship cannot maintain your happiness. When you place your happiness in the hands of another person, you might be heartbroken when the relationship does not work out. Instead, it is good to have gratitude for the relationship and understand that you are responsible for your happiness. You can take control of your happiness by knowing your values.

Going Inwardly

Happiness is internal, and it starts with knowing what matters to you. Identifying your top 5-10 values can lead to a more fulfilling life. You cannot find happiness by living out someone else dreams. Creating a life you can enjoy starts with being authentic. It is about doing things that you love because they matter to you. You are unique, and what makes you happy might look different from someone else.

The Formula for Happiness

As much as external things can impact your emotions, you have a baseline for happiness. How happy you generally feel is predominately internal. One study shows that 50% of our happiness is genetics, 40% is mindset and personal choice, and 10% is life circumstances. Just think about the happiest time in your life. Now, think about how ecstatic you were when the event happened and how that emotion evolved as time passed. The level of happiness you felt before eventually returns to its baseline.

Happiness is a choice. Your mindset and choices play a significant role in how you feel. The daily practice of gratitude can help you develop a positive outlook and an internal locus of control. When you can be grateful for what you have, you have more appreciation for life. You also cultivate happiness through the choices you make. Being more intentional about taking actions that align with your values makes a difference.

I hope that this post will help you find what happiness looks like for you. I believe the best place to start is inward. You hold the key to your happiness, and it is up to you to unlock it.

Have you ever turned to food for comfort when you felt stressed, bored, or sad? If you have, you are not alone. This behavior is known as emotional eating. While food can provide temporary relief, using it to manage challenging emotions can negatively impact your physical and mental health. To combat emotional eating, consider drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthy alternatives, and managing stress effectively.

Stay Hydrated

How much water are you drinking? Experts recommend you drink 8 cups of water per day. Drinking water not only keeps you hydrated but can also help you distinguish between hunger and thirst. Many people mistake thirst for hunger, which can lead to overeating. Before reaching for a snack, drink a glass of water. If you are still hungry, this indicates that your body needs food. While drinking water does provide physical benefits, it also improves mood and cognitive function. Consider increasing your water intake if you are not already drinking enough.

Mindfulness

How mindful are you about the food you eat? Maybe you had moments where you were still hungry after a meal because you ate too quickly, or you were too busy to cook and ended up getting fast food. You can be more mindful by slowing down, focusing on your food, and eliminating distractions. Keeping a food journal or meal prepping in advance can help you make healthier eating choices and prevent impulsive eating. With a little more awareness, you can enjoy food without the guilt that comes from emotional eating.

Healthy Alternatives

Practicing mindfulness starts with making healthier choices at the grocery store. It begins by purchasing more fruits and vegetables while limiting junk food. Keeping your home free of junk food helps prevent overindulgence. If you crave something crunchy, consider snacking on almonds or celery sticks. Or maybe if it is something sweet, you might consider eating fresh fruit. You do not need to eliminate junk food unless advised by a doctor. It is all about having comfort foods in moderation.

Manage Stress

If you are feeling stressed, it is important not to use food to avoid managing your emotions. One of the first steps in resolving a problem is acknowledging it. Start by identifying areas in your life that are causing stress. Writing these down and developing strategies to address each one can help. While some stressors may be out of your control, you can control how you respond to them. Though comfort foods might temporarily ease your stress, eating foods like leafy greens, fatty fish, and whole grains can help your body manage stress more effectively.

To Conclude

I hope this post can help you to be more mindful of your relationship with food. While emotional eating is common, there are ways to overcome it. Strategies like drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthier alternatives, and managing stress can help you maintain a healthy relationship with food.

When you see confident people, do you ever wonder what makes them confident? Do you believe it is because of how attractive they are? Do you believe it is because of how smart they are? Have you ever considered that it may be an internal reason people are confident? The truth is confidence comes from within. It is believing in one’s ability. Now that you recognize confidence comes from within, let’s focus on how to cultivate it.

Embodying Confidence

While you might believe attractiveness is what makes a person confident, it is confidence that makes someone attractive. A great illustration of this is in Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman. She acknowledges that it is not her looks that make her attractive but how she carries herself. While physical attractiveness may catch someone’s attention, confidence commands it. From her poem, you learn that confidence comes from within and is evident as soon as you walk into a room. It is about holding your head high, walking with ease, and showing your smile.

Knowing Yourself

Confidence comes from knowing yourself. Do you know what your strengths are? Confident people are not confident because they lack weaknesses. They are confident because they do not focus on their weaknesses. Like everyone, you have things you are good at and areas you can improve. Being aware of your weaknesses and working on them can help build confidence. A confident person sees value even in their imperfections because they recognize the opportunity to grow. Additionally, focusing on talents and abilities can boost your confidence.

Surrounding Yourself with Confident People

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This quote is powerful because it shows how relationships can influence who you can become. Surrounding yourself with secure people shows you what confidence looks like. You also have the opportunity to allow your light to shine. When you can show up and not worry about how others perceive you, you are building confidence. It is also helpful to have supportive people around you. Choose people who ignite your light and not dim it.

Final Thoughts

I hope that my words have helped you to build your confidence. Remember, confidence comes from within. It is something you embody. It also grows from knowing yourself and surrounding yourself with confident people.

Self-compassion is a concept I once misunderstood. I thought that by being kind to myself, I was being dishonest about how great I was. But I soon realized that denying my greatness was not being honest either. In this post, I want to share what self-compassion is and is not. I encourage you to practice self-compassion more, as it can be instrumental in accepting who you are. 

My Worth is Innate

Self-compassion is not just about saying nice things to feel better about my failures. It is about acknowledging that I can have failures and still be a worthwhile person. I am learning not to measure my worth by failure or success. I am not less worthy when I fail or more worthy when I succeed. Despite my failures, I am worthy, and no amount of success can make me worthy. Self-compassion taught me that my worth is innate. 

I Have Flaws

Self-compassion is not about denying my flaws. It is about accepting my flaws as part of who I am. My imperfections make me more relatable and real. When I strive to be perfect, I become less authentic. It is through my imperfections that I can grow. I have strengths and weaknesses. Neither is better than the other. I benefit from both.

My Standards

Self-compassion is not setting the bar low. It is about creating a standard that works for me and not against me. Expectations based on someone else’s standards can be damaging. I do not need to measure up to who people expect me to be. I can live by who I want to be. Who I want to be is more important than who I think I should be. 

My Emotions

Self-compassion is not about avoiding painful emotions. It is about accepting how I feel. It is easy to embrace emotions that are deemed positive, such as happiness. But I do not always feel happy. I feel sad sometimes. Self-compassion teaches me to appreciate all emotions because each carries valuable insights. While emotions do not define me, they have helped me to understand the world around me. 

Final Thoughts

Self-compassion has helped me to have a more loving and honest relationship with myself. Through this self-love journey, I better understand what self-compassion is and how important it is. Self-compassion is rooted in love. Love is kind. I hope this post inspires you to be more kind to yourself. 

Although the holidays tend to be the happiest time of year for me, I recognize that, for some people, this time can bring sadness—from grief to seasonal depression. The holidays are not a joyful time for everyone, and I want to take a moment to say that however you feel, it is valid. It is okay not to feel happy, even during this season. Fortunately, grief and joy can coexist, and you can still find moments of joy despite how you feel. To help with that, I want to share some things that may bring you more joy this season.

Gratitude

Thanksgiving is often seen as a time to reflect on what you are grateful for, but gratitude isn’t limited to this holiday. It is something that you can practice every day. It is showing thanks in the small things such as being able to enjoy a meal. Or in the big things like being alive another day. Gratitude is how you can invite more joy into your life. Gratitude is what keeps you hopeful when times are tough. Gratitude helps you to have a more positive outlook on life. When you can learn to be grateful despite your circumstances, you experience more joy.

Do Something You Enjoy

Another way to experience more joy during the holidays is by doing what you love. For me, a cup of hot chocolate and a good Christmas movie work wonders, but what brings you joy might be different. It could be decorating a Christmas tree, cooking a warm meal, or even something completely unrelated to the holidays. The holidays are yours to shape—you can choose which traditions to follow, what food you want to enjoy, and how you want to spend your time. If it brings you joy, then do it. You have every right to have joy.

The Power of Giving

Giving is another way to experience joy. Giving is not just about spending money; it involves serving those who need it. Sometimes, giving to others can remind you how impactful you can be in someone’s life. This realization can help take your mind off yourself and on how you can make a difference. Seeing joy in others can help you to find joy from within.

Prioritize Connection

As the days grow colder and the nights longer, it is tempting to stay in. However, getting enough sunlight and maintaining connections are important during this time. One way to stay connected with yourself is by prioritizing your physical and mental health. If you are struggling, consider making an appointment with a therapist for support. Also, stay connected with others—whether attending a holiday party at work, calling a friend, or spending time with family. These connections are essential to your well-being.

Closing

The holidays are typically a time of celebration, but not everyone enjoys this time of year. If you feel sad during this time, I hope you know you are not alone and it is okay to feel sadness. I also hope you can find joy in practicing gratitude, doing things you love, giving to others, and staying connected. Happy Holidays! Wishing you joy this season!