Category: Self Care

The holidays have always meant a lot to me, but I know this season can be really tough for many. Not everyone feels joyful this time of year, and that’s completely okay. Loneliness is more common than it seems, and it can feel even heavier during the holidays. I want to share some perspective that may help you navigate these feelings.

Holiday Blues

Many people feel sadness during the holidays, whether from a recent breakup, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or chronic depression. Sometimes, we avoid how we feel because we don’t want to experience the discomfort. It’s understandable, but the lengths we go to avoid these emotions can be harmful. Avoidance feels good, but it’s only a temporary fix. Our emotions are still there, no matter how hard we try to push them down. 

Emotions Are Signals

Trying to get rid of our emotions is like ignoring traffic lights while driving. When we are in a rush, that red light can feel like the enemy, and I think people feel the same way about their emotions. We label feelings like loneliness as negative when they are signals meant to guide us. Traffic lights tell us when to slow down, and sometimes an emotion as intense as loneliness does the same. It forces us to pause, check in with ourselves, and pay attention to what we need.

The Root Causes of Loneliness

Loneliness might be a reminder of what we need more of in our lives. Often, we feel lonely because we are disconnected from our needs. If we aren’t spending enough time with our loved ones or lack close relationships, we may feel lonely. If we have recently experienced the loss of someone we care about, we can feel alone. There are many reasons this emotion may come up. Instead of judging how we feel, let’s approach it with curiosity.

Curiosity over Judgement

While the holidays are often called “the most wonderful time of the year,” it’s okay if that’s not true for you. If you feel sad, allow yourself to feel sad. These emotions are temporary. Be curious about them and remember that they are just signals guiding you to what you need.

Most of us follow the same holiday traditions every year, putting up the Christmas tree after Thanksgiving, spending time with family, or listening to festive music. But have you ever asked yourself what traditions you want to start? It’s okay to decide you’d rather stay home and enjoy a quieter holiday. The season isn’t just about finding joy; it’s also about keeping your peace. And sometimes that means spending alone.

Breaking Free from Tradition

Solo travel has become increasingly popular, but what about solo holidays? We don’t have to follow traditions that go against our authenticity. Sometimes we would enjoy the holidays if we allowed ourselves to do what we want, rather than what others expect of us. There comes a point in adulthood when we realize it’s time to make decisions for ourselves, not for others. Often, the best gift we can give ourselves is self-care. By learning to say no to traditions that don’t fit us, we make room to create new ones that reflect who we truly are.

Embracing Solitude

This year, I chose to step away from the traditional plans of spending time with family and focus on spending time alone. At first, I felt uneasy about sharing this decision with my family, but eventually, I found peace in it. This sense of peace came from realizing that I was doing something for myself. I contemplated how enjoyable it would be to watch a movie by myself and how a quiet setting would help me feel calmer and more grounded. The more I reflected on this sense of peace, the easier it became for me to make my decision.

Celebrating the Holidays Authentically

You know you’ve made the right decision when you have peace. Sometimes breaking the norm is uncomfortable at first until we realize it’s okay to start something new. We don’t need permission to be authentic. Instead, we can be more intentional about which traditions we want to follow and which traditions we want to create. This holiday, I hope that you can be more authentic with how you choose to spend it.

There was a time when I didn’t have much of a nighttime routine, or at least not a good one. I’d spend hours scrolling on my phone and then wonder why I couldn’t fall asleep. The next morning, I’d wake up tired, irritable, and stuck in the same cycle. Eventually, I realized a better morning started with a better night and that meant doing the one thing I’d been avoiding: getting off my phone. It didn’t happen overnight (no pun intended), but with consistency and discipline, disconnecting from my phone was the step that helped me build a better nighttime routine.

Putting Down My Phone

The most challenging part of my nighttime routine was putting down my phone. Somehow, everything seemed more interesting as the day grew darker. I’d come across an article and want to read more, or questions would pop into my mind just as I was getting ready for bed. Some nights, I gave in to my curiosity and regretted it the next morning. It was hard to disconnect, but when I finally did, I began to develop better sleep hygiene and felt the benefit the next day. The thing that helped me stay consistent was getting off my phone at least an hour before bedtime.

Adding Joy

Once I committed to getting off my phone at a set time, I could choose how to spend my evenings. I decided to end every night with something funny, so no matter how bad my day had been, I had something to look forward to. Right now, Abbott Elementary is my go-to show because it has everything I need to unwind before bed. Laughing is a great stress reliever, and watching something lighthearted helps me let go of the day. By focusing on this simple pleasure, I can allow my brain to relax, which ultimately helps me sleep better.

Finding Your Own Routine

Now that I’ve shared a glimpse of my nighttime routine, I’d love to hear how you like to unwind before bed. For some, it might mean putting your phone away an hour early, watching your favorite show, journaling, or reading a book. Anything that helps you relax is worth considering for your bedtime routine.

According to statistics, one in five Americans has a mental illness. With a stat like that, chances are you or someone you care about may be going through a difficult time, especially during the holidays. Seasonal depression tends to become more common in the fall and winter. So, how can we find the support we need and help those we care about do the same? First, we prioritize our mental health and then check in on the well-being of others. 

Checking In With Yourself

Before we can show up for others, it’s important to check in with ourselves. Over the past two weeks, ask yourself: how have you been feeling? Have you experienced sadness, anxiety, irritability, or hopelessness? If these feelings have been present most days, it can be a sign of depression. Unlike sadness, depression is long-lasting and can be detrimental to our well-being if left untreated. It is not something that goes away, and seeking professional help from a licensed therapist is the first step. By taking care of ourselves, we strengthen our ability to care for others.

Recognizing the Signs in Others

Have you noticed someone acting differently lately? While depression can be hard to recognize, it often shows through noticeable changes. People struggling with depression may withdraw from social activities and isolate themselves. You might also notice changes in their sleep patterns or increased irritability.

Depression doesn’t look the same for everyone, but these behavioral changes are common signs to watch for. If you suspect someone is experiencing depression, let them know you’re there for them. Many people feel ashamed, but by providing your support, you can help them take the necessary steps towards healing. 

Breaking the Stigma and Seeking Help

The stigma around mental health has shifted, and as someone who has experienced depression, I’m grateful to be able to share my diagnosis openly. Therapy was one of the first steps I took to improve my mental health. It has helped me become more self-aware and given me tools to regulate my emotions and reframe my thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed therapist. We all need support, especially when it comes to our mental health.

Self-care is all about keeping your cup full. When your cup is full, not only are you happy, but the people around you get to experience the best of you. Sometimes, people believe that to feel happy, they need to pour into others first, but it’s the other way around. A person who fills their cup first has more to give because they understand the importance of self-care. When we discuss self-care, I want us to see it not as a selfish act but as a form of self-love. It isn’t fair to give your all to everyone but you. Let’s start filling your cup up first.

Sleep Is Self-Care

How much sleep are you getting every night? If it’s less than 7 hours, you might not be getting enough. When we were babies, sleep was crucial for brain development, and even as adults, we still need adequate rest for optimal function. Experts recommend 7-9 hours of sleep daily.

As someone who struggles with insomnia, I know firsthand how important good sleep is. It helps me start my day energized and in a better mood. Without enough sleep, I can become irritable and less focused. To combat this, I’ve developed good sleep hygiene by having a nighttime routine and a consistent sleep schedule. I encourage you to prioritize sleep, as it’s not only essential for health but also a great form of self-care.

Nourish Your Body

How do you take care of your body? I believe diet and exercise play a significant role in our well-being. I’ll admit I’m not the healthiest eater, but I’m conscious about the foods I eat. I find ways to eat more foods that nourish me. They also happen to be foods I like such as apples, bananas, whole grains, and fish. I also want to admit I don’t go to the gym to work out. Instead, I like to use walking as a form of exercise. Taking care of yourself isn’t just about restricting yourself, it’s about adding things to your daily life that benefit you.

Make Time for Joy

When thinking about self-care, consider what you want. What makes you happy? It could be spending time with people you love, a walk in the park, or watching your favorite TV show. Whatever it is, make more time to do things you enjoy. Having fun is self-care. There is a saying: “Work hard, play hard.” We forget the last part, but I encourage you to have more fun in life.

Nurture Fulfilling Relationships

I spent a lot of time talking about things you can do for self-care. But I didn’t want to end without discussing relationships. While self-care is about you, the relationships you have matters too. Who are the people in your life that pour into you? Can you think of one person? When I ask who is pouring into you, I want to know people who support, uplift, and appreciate you. We need to make more time for people like that.

A Final Word on Self-Care

The most powerful way to keep your cup full is through self-care. It is an act of self-love when you take care of your overall health. Start with prioritizing adequate sleep, eating healthier foods, and exercising regularly. Then, make time for activities that bring you joy and surround yourself with uplifting people. By doing these things, you are keeping your cup full. Now, you can pour into others without being emptied. So, what will you do today to start filling your cup?

Whenever I got a cut and used rubbing alcohol to treat it, I would wince because of the burning sensation. It felt as if the healing process was more painful than the injury itself. The same can be true for emotional wounds. Sometimes, healing from our past is an uncomfortable experience. I believe some people avoid their pain because they’re not ready to face the discomfort. I empathize with you because I have been there. However, taking the first step toward healing requires us to feel the pain.

Acknowledge Your Hurt

I used to avoid thinking about hurtful experiences because I didn’t want to feel sad. But ignoring the way I felt was teaching me to avoid pain. It’s not about reliving the past but about understanding how it’s impacting you now. Have you ever just cried about what happened to you? You might believe not crying makes you a strong person. I want to challenge that by saying strength comes in many forms. A person who knows how to regulate their emotions is the kind of strength you want to have. Take a moment to acknowledge how sad, disappointed, or hurt you were because of what was done or said to you. Now, let’s release these emotions.

Healing Through Expression

When I think of an artist like Adele, I think about how she uses her music to process heartbreak. It made me wonder how healing it can be to express yourself through writing. You don’t have to write a song or perform in front of millions to release pain. You can start by writing a letter about how you feel and the impact of your experiences. You may even address the people who hurt you in the letter. Allow yourself to be raw, honest, and vulnerable. You don’t need to give the letter to the person to heal. Sometimes just writing the letter is enough to release the pain.

You Don’t Have to Heal Alone

Sometimes, we need someone to witness our pain before we can release it. Coregulation is about navigating your emotions with another person. It could be with a therapist, friend, or pastor. Sharing your story with someone who can hold space for it is essential. We don’t have to carry everything alone. Just as a surgeon is needed to stitch deep physical wounds, a therapist can help us process and heal trauma. If you are having a hard time letting go, consider reaching out to a trauma therapist for support.

Healing Takes Time and Commitment

You probably heard the saying time heals all wounds. If this statement is true, then it means the healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some experiences can take a lifetime to heal. I’m not saying this to discourage you but to help you keep things in perspective. Healing is a process that requires patience and commitment. How committed are you to healing your trauma? Some days are going to be tough, but are you willing to persevere to get to your breakthrough? Because on the other side of the pain is the power to overcome it.

The Power of Connection

While healing starts within, the relationships we have can significantly impact our healing journey. When you think about any painful experiences, who did you need, and what did you need at that moment? While we can’t change the past, we can learn from it. Sometimes, our past teaches us what we need by highlighting what we didn’t have. You probably learned from your past what your needs are, what boundaries to have, and what you truly desire. Now, you can use this insight to cultivate relationships that support your well-being. There’s no better feeling than having what you wanted in the past right now.

A Word of Encouragement

If you are reading this post, I want to say I am proud of you. The fact that you are ready to heal is a sign of how brave you are. If you’re not ready yet, I hope you will get there one day. I’ve been on both ends and have immense empathy for people who are on the journey and who aren’t quite ready yet. On the healing journey, I hope that you remember to express yourself, allow others to support you, and be patient with yourself.

Many people’s first impression of me is often quiet or reserved. No one’s ever called me ‘guarded,’ but I know I am. I used to believe being guarded was a weakness. Now, I recognize it as one of my strengths. I protect my heart because it’s sacred to me. I’m not an open book. I’m a limited edition. Only a few know my story.

Quality Vs Quantity

Some people are like open books, but I have learned to accept that I am not as revealing. I tend to be cautious around new people and selective about who I let into my life. While it does limit the number of relationships I have, it also creates space for quality relationships. For me, it’s the depth of my relationships that matters to me most. I’d rather preserve my heart for people who can handle it with care.

Self-Acceptance

I have always admired people who open up effortlessly and wished I could be the same way. However, I realize that I can open up at my own pace. I don’t have to be like everyone because I am a unique person. If being open is admirable, being cautious is wise. I’d rather be wise because that serves me better than being liked. My quiet demeanor allows me to be thoughtful, curious, and considerate. These are traits that I appreciate about myself.

Self-Protection

Being guarded has protected me through the years. While it hasn’t prevented heartbreak, it has helped me maintain my self-respect. This guard allows me to let go of unfulfilling relationships, to be more intentional, and to recognize when I deserve better. It’s a protective part of myself that I want to keep. This protection is loving, and I am grateful for it. I realized being protective of myself is a form of self-love.

Self-Reflection

I often think about letting my guard down more. While I believe it helps keep out the wrong people, I wonder if it also keeps out the right ones. I value quality over quantity but wonder if lowering my guard could allow me to have both. Could I have quality and quantity? I’m not opposed to taking that risk; I just want to be ready before I do.

Now that I’ve shared one way I protect myself, I’d love to hear about yours. The part of yourself that you may judge is probably a form of self-protection. I used to judge how guarded I was because I didn’t realize how this quality served me. But, I have learned that protection is love and not to take this part of myself for granted.

Some people go to the gym and eat healthy to stay in shape, but our emotional well-being is just as important. We all have emotional needs, and how we prioritize them plays a crucial role in our overall health. To ensure you’re taking care of your emotional well-being, start by identifying your needs, assessing your relationships, and communicating when needs are unmet.

Identify Your Needs

What are your emotional needs? Love and acceptance are two of the most common, but there are many more. There is nothing wrong with admitting you have emotional needs. You are not needy because you have more than one need. You are self-aware and connected to an important part of you. I want to encourage you to be honest about what you need emotionally. The best way to discover this is to quiet your mind and open your heart. Spend some time in solitude to clarify what truly matters to you.

Assess Your Emotional Fulfillment

What emotional needs are currently unmet in your life, and how does that affect you? Many people feel unfulfilled in their relationships because their emotional needs are unmet. You might feel loved by someone, but you don’t feel understood. People often say love isn’t enough to keep a relationship, and I agree. Love is the baseline, but emotional needs are the building blocks. Once you love someone, it is important to understand what their needs are. How well you understand someone is different from how well you love them. It is through your love for them that you desire to understand them.

I have an exercise that can help you assess unfulfilling relationships. Start by writing down all your emotional needs. Next, list the significant relationships in your life and write your needs under each person’s name. Then, go through each person and rate, on a scale from 1 to 10, how satisfied you are with how well they meet your needs. You might find that no one can fulfill all your needs, but some will meet most, while others meet less than half. If someone meets fewer than half of your needs, it could be time to reassess that relationship. This exercise doesn’t necessarily mean you need to end the relationship, but it can open a conversation about what you need to feel more connected.

Communicate Your Needs

How comfortable are you with communicating your needs? Sometimes the reason needs go unmet is because they aren’t being expressed. People can’t know what you need unless you are willing to be vulnerable and share it. Many people struggle with sharing their needs or aren’t clear about them. Instead of being afraid to communicate your needs, recognize that your needs are more important than what you fear. Don’t allow your fear of judgment, disappointment, or rejection to get in the way of having what you want.

If you struggle to express vulnerability in relationships, this may be an opportunity for you to become more comfortable with how you feel. Often, vulnerability starts with you journaling your emotions. When was the last time you acknowledged feeling sad, scared, angry, or hurt? While these emotions may be uncomfortable, they are present to signal what you need. If you ignore these signals, you are potentially neglecting your emotional needs. Instead of focusing on being comfortable with sharing your needs, start by being comfortable with being present with your emotions.

Final Thoughts

Taking care of your emotional well-being is essential to staying connected with what matters to you. If you don’t feel fulfilled, I want you to identify your needs, assess your current relationships, and communicate your needs. Doing these things creates space for the kind of relationships you desire.

Treat yourself how you want others to treat you. When you think about how you treat yourself, is it the same way you want others to treat you? If you are critical of yourself, how would you feel if someone was critical of you? I believe having the relationships you want starts with treating yourself better.

You Deserve Kindness

How often do you criticize yourself? Many may not realize how critical they are of themselves. Negative self-talk is not only unkind but unhelpful to your personal growth. While you might believe being hard on yourself helps you grow, it can limit your growth. You deserve to be spoken to with love and kindness. You may be imperfect, but you are not defective. Instead of criticizing yourself, practice self-compassion.

Recognize Your Greatness

How do you respond to compliments? Many people who are hard on themselves find it difficult to accept positive feedback. They might often downplay their strengths or doubt their greatness. Some people may struggle to recognize their greatness because they spend so much time criticizing themselves. You are as great as people say you are. Everyone isn’t lying. But every time you deny your greatness, you are lying to yourself.

You Are Enough

When was the last time you compared yourself to someone? Often, we want to see how we measure up to someone, but why? We can never measure up to another person because we are unique. We have unique talents, strengths, and dreams. Why measure up to someone when you can just be you? There is an opportunity for you to make a difference in this world. And it starts with you being exactly who you are.

Accept Who You Are

What judgments do you have about yourself? We often judge ourselves for being different. Or we might judge ourselves from past mistakes. I want you to challenge the judgment you might have about yourself. If you judge yourself for being different, I want you to know that there is beauty in being you. If you judge yourself for past mistakes, I want you to know there is strength in being imperfect.

Your Needs Matter

How often do you put yourself first? For some people, it is rare. You might value the needs of others over your own. But your needs matter also. You deserve to care, and it starts with developing a self-care practice. One loving thing you can do to start is to become more comfortable with saying no. Saying no is not selfish; it is self-care.

Final Thoughts

I hope this post inspires you to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Stop downplaying your strengths, comparing yourself to others, judging or criticizing who you are, and neglecting your needs. You teach people how to treat you. Make sure the way you treat yourself is reflective of how you want others to treat you.

How are you doing? This question often gets asked by strangers, but when is the last time you ask yourself this question honestly? When was the last time you took a moment to reflect on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being? It is easy to get distracted by your job, friends, and family that you do not realize how unwell you are. Prioritizing your overall well-being begins with a simple question: How are you doing?

Acknowledge Your Feelings

How are you doing? You might say you are fine. But I have a follow-up question for you. How have you been feeling lately? Is it sad, scared, disappointed, excited, or happy? Whatever emotion it is, acknowledge it. By asking this question, you are checking in on your emotional well-being. Our emotions play an essential part in our overall well-being. If you are having a hard time, consider reaching out to others for support.

Monitor Your Thoughts

A study shows that the average person has over 6,000 thoughts a day. Another way to check in with yourself is by asking yourself: what has been on my mind lately? It is often your thoughts that affect how you feel and behave. If you are constantly worried about the future, you might be dealing with anxiety. Or if you frequently have negative thoughts about yourself, you might have low self-esteem. Consider journaling to become more mindful of your thought patterns.

Listen to Your Body

How much energy do you have? Another way you can check in with how well you are doing is by checking in with your body. Often, it is your body that is telling you to take a break, to get more sleep, or to get some fresh air. Your physical health and your mental health are connected. If you are tired, it might be your body’s way of letting you know you need a break. Or maybe you are dealing with digestive issues, then it might be a symptom of anxiety or stress. By checking in with your body, you are checking in with your mental health.

Take Time to Reflect

How are you doing goes beyond a simple answer. It involves understanding your mental, emotional, and physical health. Taking time to be reflective is one of the first steps in prioritizing your well-being. Make sure you are doing well in all areas of your health.