Category: Self Discovery

We all have emotions. While we might find it easy to embrace emotions like happiness and excitement, it is important that we don’t avoid emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration. Instead of labeling emotions as positive or negative, it might be more helpful to see them as signals. We need these signals to navigate throughout life. Once we discover the role of our emotions, we can process them in a healthy way.

I didn’t realize that emotions were simply signals until I listened to a 30-part YouTube series on it. Before I watched this series, I judged my feelings. An emotion like sadness was difficult for me to process. When I would feel sad, I didn’t even want to admit it. I believed that admitting I felt sad would make me feel worse. But it was the other way around. By not acknowledging how I felt, I couldn’t process it in a healthy way.

Acceptance

How many of us are afraid to admit how we feel? We often judge ourselves for the emotions we have. But our feelings are signals that help us navigate from where we are to where we want to be. Before we can change how we feel, we must accept how we feel. While some emotions can be challenging or painful, they also provide information. We get to decide how we use the information. I don’t want us to wallow in our feelings but I do want us to acknowledge and accept them.

The Power of Self-Reflection

Once we accept our feelings, it is essential to identify the root cause of them. I felt sad because I was missing out on what matters to me most: meaningful relationships. By taking time to self-reflect, I was able to understand this emotion and what I needed. I know that it might not always be easy to deal with certain emotions but it helps to recognize they are not permanent. The way you feel today can be different from how you feel tomorrow. But we need to be willing to take action to change how we feel.

Change Begins with Awareness

Some emotions linger because we don’t deal with them. I didn’t start feeling happier until I dealt with my unhappiness. I realized that if I wanted to change how I felt, I needed to change the way I behaved. Emotions often motivate us to change our behavior. When we think about how we feel, we might consider what actions can we take to feel better. It could be talking to a friend, doing something we enjoy, or stepping outside of our comfort zone. I realized that if I wanted to feel happier I needed to be more intentional and socially active.

Take Action

I can’t say I never feel sad anymore, but it is not as much as I used to. I realized that it was because I was willing to take action to change how I felt. I set a goal to be more outgoing this year, and I’ve been consistent with this goal. It hasn’t been easy because it requires me to step outside my comfort zone. It is easier to get stuck in what you know than to explore what you don’t know. I found it helpful to acknowledge the anxiety and also recognize the opportunity for better relationships. I could face my fears, knowing that my efforts would eventually pay off.

Emotions Are Signals

If you are anything like I used to be, you probably have a hard time dealing with your emotions in a healthy way. But I want to remind you that our emotions are just signals guiding us from where we are to where we want to be. When we accept the signal, we gain information that can help us feel better. No emotion lasts forever. But to begin changing how we feel, we must recognize what we’re feeling, understand why, and then take action toward change. If you can do these things, you can navigate through your emotions in a healthy way.

For some people, being liked is more important than being who they are. For others, being themselves is more important than being liked. It is difficult to remain authentic when you’re concerned with being liked. This mindset can get you stuck in the approval trap. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. Instead of seeking external validation, embrace who you are. The right people will accept you.

The Approval Trap

Why do you need to be liked by everyone? I hope this question can help you to understand why being liked is important to you. It might feel uncomfortable to have someone dislike you because you feel safer being who people expect you to be. The rejection you faced in childhood may have taught you to abandon your authenticity to gain approval from others. The lesson in this scenario is not to change who you are to fit in but to be comfortable standing out.

Childhood Experiences

Are you still seeking the approval you didn’t get from your parents or peers from childhood? Maybe you don’t like being disliked because it reminds you of the rejection you experienced as a kid. Were you bullied in school or at home? Were you judged for being different? Were you criticized often? These painful experiences can explain why approval is so important to you. More important than being liked by everyone is accepting yourself.

Embrace Your Unique Qualities

What do you like about yourself? I want you to create a list of qualities you like about yourself. These are qualities that make you likable to the right people. These are also qualities that might make you disliked by the wrong people. One of the qualities I like most about myself is my resilience. Some admire that strength, while others may find it intimidating. Instead of dimming your light, allow it to shine. Who you are will draw in the right people and drive out the wrong people.

Don’t Take It Personal

How do you respond when someone dislikes you? Sometimes, the issue isn’t that people dislike you. It’s that people dislike what they don’t recognize in themselves. Sometimes, being yourself can make them feel insecure about who they are not. I want to make it clear that we are all enough. But not everyone believes that. When people feel inadequate, they can work on themselves or project onto others. I point this out not to judge the other person but to help you recognize someone’s feelings about you has little to do with you.

Surround Yourself with the Right People

You cannot control how people perceive you. You can control the people you surround yourself with.  It isn’t that you need everyone to like you. It’s that you need to appreciate the people who already like you. You are likable. I think you forget this because you are more focused on the people who don’t accept you. While rejection might feel personal, it isn’t personal. Instead, think of it as a sign of incompatibility. You’re not compatible with everyone, and that’s okay.

Let Your Light Shine

It is normal to want to be liked, but don’t allow it to compromise your authenticity. I want you to be confident in who you are. I want you to recognize how likable you are. I want you to appreciate the people who like you. More importantly, I want you to allow your light to shine. It shines the brightest when you are authentic.

There comes a time when the person you once were no longer aligns with who you’re becoming. It isn’t an identity crisis; it’s simply an evolution. Change is inevitable, but are we open to it? As we grow, our beliefs, relationships, and interests may shift. Instead of holding onto the past, it’s important to step into the person we’re becoming.

Embrace Change

Imagine wearing shoes that don’t fit. It is very uncomfortable to walk in them. As we begin to evolve, the things that were once comfortable no longer fit us. When you think about who you are today, what doesn’t fit you any longer? How has holding on to it caused you discomfort? There is discomfort that comes with avoiding change. Your life becomes painfully unfulfilling. But when you embrace change, you step into something better.

Live Authentically

Why do we wear uncomfortable shoes? We might because of their appearance or how others perceive us when we wear them. It’s kind of the same with life. We resist change because we’re afraid of how people will react. We worry about hearing things like, “You’re not the person you used to be,” or “You’ve changed.” But, personal growth often requires us to evolve in ways that challenge others’ expectations of us. When you let go of what others think of you, you make space to live more authentically.

Release Old Beliefs

Some shoes are outdated and no longer fit the current era. Similarly, our old beliefs may no longer align with the person we’ve become. Instead of holding on to outdated ideas, it’s important to embrace new beliefs that reflect who we are today. Letting go of old beliefs can be challenging but essential for personal growth. What old beliefs are you ready to release? What new beliefs reflect the person you’ve become? By reflecting on these questions, you can discover which beliefs better serve the person you are today.

Own Your Choices

What we once enjoyed may no longer suit who we are today. As we get older, our interests and desires change. We might find that staying in and relaxing is more fulfilling than going to a party. Or it might be the opposite. We might find that we want to be more outgoing because we enjoy spending time with others. Sometimes, this shift occurs because we are no longer afraid to embrace what feels right for us. We become more confident in our choices because we know what brings us happiness.

Stand In Who You Are

Who we are today may not be who we were yesterday. But are we truly willing to embrace this new version of ourselves? Doing so often means letting go of others’ expectations, outdated beliefs, and past interests. It may feel uncomfortable, but it’s a necessary step toward personal growth.

Have you ever heard a voice in your mind say, “You’re not good enough”? I know this thought can be extremely harmful when you say it out loud, but this is often a belief that people develop from past trauma. Unfortunately, many people, including myself, allow this belief to become our identity. Trauma has a way of distorting how we see ourselves and what we believe we are worthy of. But I want us to challenge this belief because, at the core, we are good enough, capable, and deserving of love. Before we can get there, we need to unpack this harmful belief.

You Are Good Enough

Many individuals who have experienced trauma often believe they are not good enough. This belief stems from being mistreated by someone they trusted or cared about. Rather than holding the other person accountable, we tend to internalize the pain and blame ourselves. But the truth is, we are not responsible for how others treat us, and their actions do not define our worth. If you were wronged, it was not your fault, and you did not deserve it. Choosing not to carry the weight of someone else’s harmful behavior is a powerful act of self-love. Loving yourself means recognizing that nothing external can diminish your inherent worth.

Traumatic experiences are painful and often lead us to believe we are powerless. If we believe we are powerless, how can we also believe we are enough? Often, feelings of inadequacy are not a reflection of our capabilities but of the impact of trauma on our self-perception. When we reflect on a traumatic experience, we might judge ourselves for not knowing what to do or say things like, “I should have known better.” This kind of belief chips away at our sense of worth. Instead, it is important to recognize that being powerless in a moment doesn’t make us inadequate; it makes us human.

You Deserve the Love You Need

To be loved is to be protected, nurtured, supported, and guided. If any of these needs were unmet in our childhood, this is emotional neglect. If we are neglected as kids, this can also cause us to believe we are not good enough. If our parents couldn’t meet our needs, we might wonder if anyone can. While we might not consciously think this way, it might be ingrained in our subconscious mind. We might believe that the love we deserve is only limited to the love we receive from our parents. However, the love we deserve is the kind of love that is attentive to our emotional needs.

Every child deserves loving parents. If we did not have the parents we needed, that is not an indication of our worth. Our unmet needs do not make us unworthy; they reflected what was missing. As adults, we can begin to understand our parent’s limitations and separate them from our identity. In doing so, we reconnect with our inherent worth and begin to understand how vital our emotional needs are in building healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Gentle Reminder

As someone who has experienced trauma, I understand how detrimental it can be to our self-worth. However, through healing, I began to recognize that what happened to me doesn’t define my innate worth. I am always worthy, and you are too. I want you to know that the painful experience doesn’t define who you are or what you deserve. I hope this post can begin your healing journey and help you recognize your inherent worth.

I listened to two podcasts this week: one with Tina Knowles and another with Michelle Obama. Although they are different women, they both share a common theme. Both talked about not realizing their self-worth until much later in life. These are accomplished women, well into the second act of their lives, yet they only recently began to understand how “enough” they are. It made me wonder why this realization comes so late for so many of us. I believe the answer lies in traumatic experiences and the need for approval.

Trauma Distorts Your Innate Worth

Imagine the most hurtful thing you ever experienced. How old were you when you experienced this? How close were you to the person who hurt you? How did you deal with the pain of that experience? Maya Angelou says people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. A traumatic experience can make you feel ashamed of who you are. It often distorts how you view your worthiness. I want to let you know that your experiences don’t determine your worth.

Trauma can happen early in life, and that imprint can last a lifetime. If people picked on you, excluded you, or said hurtful things about you, you might internalize that to mean something is wrong with you. But have you ever considered that something is wrong with what they did? We might not even have those kinds of thoughts as children because we are unable to process trauma on our own. But think about what a loving person would say about those traumatic experiences. They might say, “I’m sorry you went through that. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.” Now, say these things to yourself.

Let Go of External Validation

No matter how worthy you are, everyone will not value you. Some people might not be able to see your worth because they don’t recognize their worth. Don’t allow other people’s limitations to become yours. Instead, understand that their limitation is a direct reflection of their beliefs. You don’t have to hold the same beliefs that they have. If you believe you are worthy, continue to believe it despite what others might think. You are always worthy. Don’t allow anyone to make you question it.

Our wholeness is in discovering who we are. Who we are is enough. Once we recognize our innate worth, we are less likely to seek external validation. The people we seek external validation from are at the same level as us. They are human and have strengths and weaknesses like everyone. Instead of believing that a person, accomplishment, award, degree, car, or house can validate our worthiness, we can look within. Our worth is not determined by what we have but by who we are. We are humans who all deserve love and respect.

Look Within

The best way to discover who you are is to identify your values, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses. These things are more defining than anything external. If you want to have a solid sense of self, develop self-awareness. You can do this by keeping a journal. Start by writing out your top five values and taking actions to align with them. Challenge any limiting beliefs that might be holding you back. Then, list your strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and allow your weaknesses to help you to grow.

Final Thoughts

I wondered how free we would be if we knew we were worthy. When we don’t know we are worthy, we tend to seek approval from others. But the truth is, we have an innate worth. We are already whole; it is just a matter of discovering it. I hope that you can see how worthy you are sooner than later.

The signs of aging are hard to miss. Whether it’s a streak of gray or deepening lines on our faces, we often see them as signs we’re getting older. But as we age physically, we also mature mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. This kind of growth is known as personal development. I want to share some signs that you’re growing in ways you might not see in the mirror.

You Are Less Reactive

When you develop emotional maturity, you are responsive and less reactive. You still experience emotions. However, you don’t allow them to control your behavior. Instead, you recognize how you feel and respond in a healthy way. For example, an emotion like anger leads you to set a boundary rather than lash out. You also become more comfortable with your feelings because you don’t judge them. You recognize that emotions are simply signals that require your attention.

You Have a Strong Sense of Self

A confident person knows themselves well. You do not define who you are according to the opinions of others. You have an identity outside of what you do, what you own, or who you know. Your identity is defined by who you choose to be. You take actions that align with your beliefs, values, and aspirations. You set goals not to prove your worth but to reach your potential. You recognize your worth is innate and not something you earn.

You Trust Your Intuition

Another sign of maturity is your ability to trust your judgment. If someone or something feels off, you don’t second guess it. You recognize that your intuition is right and follow it. You don’t compromise your beliefs or values because someone doesn’t agree with them. You follow your dreams despite what others say. You also know when to let go because you can sense that something better is coming.

You’re More Intentional with Your Time and Energy

As you mature, you begin to recognize the value of time. You no longer waste it on things that don’t matter to you and become more selective about who you share it with. You understand that being intentional in your relationships allows you to invest in the right people. You are great at prioritizing your needs because you recognize how important self-care is. You invest in improving both your mental and physical health, knowing that they’re equally important to your overall well-being.

Final Thoughts

Maturity isn’t just something you recognize when you look in the mirror. It’s evident in the way you show up. You know you are maturing when you are less reactive, have a solid identity, trust yourself, and are intentional with your time and energy. While getting older comes with physical changes, there are internal changes as well. Reflecting on these changes allows you to discover the inner beauty of growing older.

What would you say if I asked you what you want more of in your life? Whether it’s money, love, or success, making room in your life for the things you desire is important. That means staying focused on what you want and taking actions that align with it. We all may want more, but are we ready for it? It isn’t enough to want it. There has to be some intentionality behind making our dreams a reality.

Inspiration vs. Imitation

When you think about what you want, why do you want it? Some people believe that reaching a particular goal will make them happier. But what if what you want is based on someone else’s happiness, not your own? For example, you might see how happy your friend is after buying their dream home and think that if you buy yours, you’ll feel the same way. But this is an expectation based on someone else’s standards, rather than your heart’s desires. On the other hand, if you’ve always wanted to own a home and your friend’s dream home inspires you, that’s a completely different story.

It is essential to consider the intention behind our desires. Is this desire based on our values or an expectation? True happiness comes from knowing who we are and living a life that reflects our authenticity. What makes your friend happy might not be the same thing that makes you happy. The reason is because happiness is internal, not external. You don’t become happier by having what someone else has. You become happier by knowing what you want and working to get it.

Inner Happiness

Social media has allowed us to curate a life we want others to see. If we want people to see how in love we are, we might share cute photos of our significant other. While there’s nothing wrong with sharing happy moments, some might believe these highlight reels are all it takes to be happy. That’s why it’s important not to get distracted by what we see online, and instead trust that the happiness we seek comes from within. It’s not about living by social media standards but through our core values.

When considering what to make space for, reflect on your core values. Your values are the compass for fulfilling your desires and achieving happiness. They are unique to you and reflect who you are. Once you know what you want, think about the actions you can take to achieve it. Don’t allow other people’s dreams to distract you from your own. Instead, let their dreams remind you of what’s possible for you.

Final Takeaway

Take a moment to think about what you want to make space for in your life. Now, consider the intention behind that desire. If we want to create a life that makes us happier, it requires being clear about our core values. Once we know our values, we can take actions that align with our desire. By doing this, we create space for more happiness.

We all have many thoughts throughout the day but some thoughts replay like a broken record. We might focus on things we can’t control, things we don’t like, or things we don’t have. While it’s natural to think about these things, don’t focus on them. Instead, we can be aware of all our thoughts but focus on the ones that are more helpful. Shifting to more helpful thoughts empowers us to change what is in our control.

Negativity Bias

Our brains are wired for survival, which is why we often focus on negative thoughts. This tendency, known as the negativity bias, helped our ancestors stay alert to threats. If you find yourself dwelling on negative experiences or bad news, it’s your brain trying to keep you safe. While this is normal, focusing on the negative thoughts isn’t helpful. Instead, we can shift our focus to thoughts that encourage action and growth. This mindset helps us develop an internal locus of control, which is the belief that we have the power to change our circumstances.

Focus on Helpful Thoughts

Which thought is more helpful: I shouldn’t make mistakes, or I can learn from my mistakes? The second one is more helpful because the first one is judgmental and unrealistic. The second one is more balanced and creates an opportunity for growth. We will make mistakes, but that doesn’t define who we are. We are capable of learning new things and growing as a person. Don’t allow where you are to prevent you from where you want to be.

Challenge Your Beliefs

Let’s try another one. Asking for help makes me look inadequate. I’ll admit I have been guilty of thinking this way. But I’ve realized that it’s actually an opportunity to learn something new. When I don’t know how to do something, asking for help allows me to learn how to do it. The smartest people aren’t just the ones who know everything, but they are the ones who remain curious. What if we saw asking for help as a way to be more curious? If we viewed asking for help as a way to stay curious, we might be more likely to learn new things.

Practice Self-Compassion

Despite what many believe, being hard on yourself does not help you grow or create the life you want. If you use the word “should” a lot, I want to encourage you to practice self-compassion. I want to be clear that self-compassion is not toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is the belief that we should only focus on the positive. However, self-compassion creates space for our strengths and imperfections. A great example of self-compassion is the belief that “I am doing my best.” Regardless of what you might believe you should be doing better, you are doing your best.

Monitor Your Thoughts

What you think affects how you feel. How you feel affects how you behave. How you behave impacts your life. When you think about your life, how much of it do you contribute to the way you think? While there are things we can’t control, there are things we can control. Sometimes, the change we want to see externally requires a shift internally. When you have thoughts, it can be helpful to consider whether they are moving you forward or holding you back.

How is focusing on what you can’t control holding you back? How can focusing on what you can control move you forward? These questions allow you to see which thoughts are helpful and unhelpful. We don’t ignore things we can’t control. We accept things we can’t control. We focus on what we can control because it gives us the power to influence our circumstances. If you don’t like your current circumstances, consider your role in changing them.

Final Thoughts

I’ll admit I wrote this post for myself because sometimes I tend to focus on things I can’t control. But, I am learning to have a more internal locus of control. I believe I can influence my circumstances, and I hope you know you can as well. It isn’t so much about not having negative thoughts and only positive thoughts. It’s about accepting all your thoughts but focusing on helpful ones. The helpful ones will empower you to take action to create the life you want.

We all have secrets—things we keep to ourselves or only share with a select few. Sometimes, we hide these secrets because we feel ashamed of something we did or said. The painful part is that these secrets can make us believe that there’s something inherently wrong with us. But the truth is, our shame often prevents us from embracing the full complexity of who we are. It’s in accepting all parts of ourselves that we begin to heal.

Shame Doesn’t Define You

The lie that shame tells us is that who we are is wrong rather than that what we did is wrong. There is a distinction between these two ideas. One defines you as a person, while the other focuses on your actions. You can change your behavior. Instead of being defined by what you did, get curious about why you acted the way you did. Allow yourself to be complex. For instance, you could have said something hurtful during an argument, and now you are judging yourself. Instead, take accountability for what you did, apologize, and choose to do better next time.

Embrace Imperfection

While one moment can be defining, it doesn’t determine who you are. You are more than your past mistakes. In life, you will make mistakes because you are not perfect. These mistakes are part of being human and do not define your worth. Shame may make you believe that your mistakes make you defective or inadequate, but remember, imperfections are a natural part of who you are—they do not make you less worthy.

Be Vulnerable

You might think hiding who you are keeps you safe. While that can be true to some extent, it can also prevent people from fully knowing who you are. What if you knew people would accept the parts of you that you’re ashamed of? The freedom to be yourself and to be loved just as you are is healing. It doesn’t have to start with a big secret. It can start with more openness and vulnerability about who you are.

Final Thoughts

Shame is not an easy emotion to deal with. However, it is something we experience at some point in life. You are not alone in this experience. I want you to know that shame doesn’t define you. Nothing is wrong with you. Allow yourself to be imperfect because that’s part of being human. Remember, you are always worthy.

There is one lesson that stands as the biggest thing I’ve learned. Learning that my worth is innate shifted how I view and feel about who I am. This realization has changed how I approach challenges, relationships, and opportunities. I am grateful to have learned this lesson and happy to share it with you. Now, I want to know what your biggest life lesson is.

My Worthy is Innate

I want to share this lesson with you because it can transform your life. The belief that my worth is innate wasn’t something I learned overnight. There was a time when I believed my worth had to be earned, through how I looked, what I could do, and who others expected me to be. With time, I learned that my worth is not dependent on external factors. It’s not something I have to earn; it’s already within me, awaiting discovery.

I Am Enough

I’ve realized my worth is inherent, not something I need to earn. My worth is defined by me, not by my successes or failures. I am worthy, regardless of what I can or cannot do. I also know that another person doesn’t determine my worth. If someone doesn’t like me, it doesn’t make me any less worthy. If someone can’t accept me, it doesn’t affect my self-worth. Who I am is enough for the right people.

I Am Already Valuable

Believing that my worth is innate is empowering because it makes me feel deserving of the life I want. I’m grateful that I recognized my worth before fulfilling my desires. If I had gotten what I wanted before understanding that my worth is inherent, I would have believed those things validated my value. While fulfilling my desires adds value to my life, it doesn’t add value to me, because I am already valuable. I realize that making my dreams a reality isn’t confirmation that I am enough. The only confirmation I need is already within me.

Final Takeaways

When you reflect on your biggest life lessons, I hope the lesson I shared will be one of many. Your worth isn’t something you need to earn; it’s something you realize. I hope you can discover your inherent worth. Now that I’ve shared my lesson, I hope you’ll feel inspired to share yours.