Hard conversations aren’t easy because they challenge us to grow. When we think about why we do things, is it out of obligation or genuine interest? We spend so much time worrying about what other people think and how other people feel, but what about how we feel and what we think? Being able to say no to things that don’t align with who we are may require a difficult conversation. The way we get through these conversations is to recognize that our intention is not to hurt anyone but to live authentically.
Living Authentically vs. Pleasing Others
Are we being who we think we should be, or are we being who we want to be? How can we live authentically if we are constantly trying to please others? There comes a point where we realize that we’ve been so focused on other people’s comfort level that we forgot ours. Once we recognize that we’re consistently unhappy and uncomfortable, it can push us to reconsider how we show up. As we mature, we become comfortable with being who we are. Sometimes, it means letting people know our boundaries. Hard conversations aren’t meant to be comfortable; they’re meant to help us grow.
Communicating Assertively
When approaching hard conversations, being an assertive communicator is essential. Just because the conversation is hard does not mean the tone needs to be harsh. Once we can communicate calmly, we can also use “I” statements to deliver our message. While it may feel uncomfortable when someone disagrees or dismisses our point of view, we don’t need to overexplain or convince them. Our goal is to communicate our thoughts and feelings respectfully and to accept that their response is out of our control.
Setting Boundaries
The people who respect us will respect our boundaries. If we really want to know who someone is, watch how they respond to boundaries. Do they become reactive and defensive, or are they understanding and accepting? For some people, setting boundaries can be challenging because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. At the same time, we hurt ourselves by not having boundaries. Instead of seeing boundaries as a consequence, we can see boundaries as a form of self-care. This shifts our perspective from hurting others to protecting ourselves.
Final Thoughts
If hard conversations were easy, more people would be having them. The truth is, they are challenging, and it often feels more comfortable to avoid them. But the discomfort is only temporary, because a hard conversation can lead to stronger relationships and deeper understanding. What hard conversation could you start today to cultivate more authentic connections?