Imagine having a puzzle with missing pieces. It would be difficult to see the full image. Understanding who you are is about putting all the pieces together so you can see the big picture. When you judge parts of yourself, you limit what you see. Instead of being judgmental, practice self-compassion.
Accept Who You Are
Just like a puzzle, as humans, we have many pieces. Although we may not love every part of ourselves, accepting who we are is crucial. This concept is known as self-compassion. It involves creating space for your complexities. You can be more than one thing at the same time. You have many pieces, but if you separate parts of yourself you don’t like, you have an incomplete image of who you are. It is only when you bring all those pieces together you develop a solid sense of self.
Be Curious
What if you replaced judgment with curiosity? How much more could you love yourself? Self-love is more than saying “I love you” when you look in the mirror. It is about accepting everything about yourself and knowing who you are is enough. Self-love is about being curious and not judgmental. Consider the parts you don’t like about yourself and ask yourself, “What can I learn from this part of myself?”
Be Understanding
When we approach the parts of ourselves we tend to judge with curiosity, we can unlock deeper understanding. Consider what you can learn from the qualities you deem as unacceptable or unusual. You might recognize that you developed these qualities to protect yourself. Being protective of yourself is a helpful quality to have. By being more curious, you create space for self-acceptance.
Final Thoughts
A puzzle is incomplete if it has missing pieces. You need all the pieces of who you are to have a solid sense of self. Instead of judging, be curious and compassionate. This approach leads to a deeper understanding of who you are.
In life, I realize I haven’t taken many risks. I’ve often played it safe, afraid of the unknown. But recently, I’ve begun to see risk differently—not as something to fear, but as an opportunity to explore. Now that I view every risk as an opportunity, I find myself more open to stepping outside my comfort zone and embracing change. Taking risks in both your personal and professional life creates opportunities.
Shift Your Perspective
One common reason people avoid taking risks is because they fear the unknown. A risk creates uncertainty for many individuals, which causes them to stay in their comfort zone. This can look like someone ordering the same thing at a restaurant or staying at a job they do not love. Although I see the comfort in sticking to what is familiar, I also realize the possibilities that come with taking risks. The opportunity to explore can lead you to discover more things you love.
Gain Insight
All risks don’t always lead to the outcome you desire. Maybe you took a risk in dating, and it didn’t work out. Or you invested money in something that didn’t pay off. While the outcome may have been disappointing, your willingness to be open will eventually lead you to what you desire. Sometimes, the lesson is the reward. You learn what you do not want and what you can do differently. You now have insight that can help you to move closer to what you want.
Explore Who You Are
If you find yourself unfulfilled in life, it could be due to a lack of adventure. You could have a great life, but is it exciting? Being open to taking risks brings novelty into your life. Imagine finding a new food you love or a new hobby that brings you joy. This requires you to step outside of what you know into what you would like to know. Wouldn’t you like to learn more about yourself? Taking risks allows you to explore more of who you are.
Final Thoughts
I hope this post can inspire you to take more risks. Stepping outside your comfort zone opens the door to adventure, insight, and exploration. Every risk, regardless of the outcome, offers some value. Even if it is just a lesson. The lesson is the reward.
It is not what you say; it is how you say it. While you can control how you deliver a message, you can not control how it is received. At times, the issue lies not in the delivery but in the individual’s ability to receive it. Effective communication requires being mindful of your approach and managing your expectations. A key part of this is communicating assertively and recognizing that everyone has their limitations.
Manage Your Expectations
Think of communication as using a vending machine. Have you ever tried to put a dollar into a vending machine, and it rejected it? The dollar may have been fine, but the machine might have been out of service. Similarly, when you communicate, some people have limitations that prevent them from receiving your message—no matter how clear or well-intentioned it may be.
Develop An Assertive Approach
One of the most common limitations people face is defensiveness, which is why delivery matters. If you shove a dollar into a vending machine or try to force a crumpled one in, it may get jammed. Similarly, if you communicate aggressively or unclearly, you risk triggering defensiveness, which makes it harder for the message to be received. An assertive approach that is clear, respectful, and concise is more likely to be received.
Recognize People’s Limitations
It’s natural to want others to hear and understand your message, but some people have limitations. Rather than focusing on their response, consider refining your delivery. Being assertive is effective—even when the message isn’t immediately received.
When you think about who you are, think of it as a puzzle. Who you are represents the image, and the pieces represent the parts of you. The pieces are your interests, passions, goals, beliefs, strengths, and values. One thing for sure is that we are unique individuals and bring something special to the world.
You Are Unique
You are a unique individual. No one person has the same fingerprint. How unique you are extends beyond a physical attribute. You are unique in the things you love. You are unique in the values you hold. You are unique in the beliefs you have. You are unique in the goals you set. You are unique in the things you are good at. When you think of who you are, include all the pieces. Similarly to a puzzle, you cannot see the fullness of who you are without all the pieces.
The Pieces of the Puzzle
When you think about who you are, I understand the first thing that might come to your mind is what you do. But these are just small pieces to the puzzle. I want you to think about your qualities and not what you do. Consider your interests, hobbies, values, beliefs, and goals. These things represent a significant part of you. These are things you prioritize because they matter to you.
Choose Who You Want to Be
Who you are is more than what you do. Who you are is who you choose to be. Who you are is about knowing every part of you, from your strengths to your weaknesses. Being who you are is not about being perfect. It is more about being the best version of yourself. You can have weaknesses and still be worthwhile.
Who Are You?
I am a unique individual who loves to learn new things. I believe knowledge is power, and I enjoy sharing what I know with others. I am passionate about helping others and leaving an impact that extends beyond this generation. This is who I am. Who you are?
You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you are unhappy with where you are at, you might disagree. You might believe you should be further along. You might desire more from life. But you are here. Whether you like it or not, it is important to accept it. Because where you are now can help you get to where you want to be.
Just because you are unhappy with where you are does not mean you should be somewhere else. Where you are now is an opportunity for growth. You are discovering what you want to change. You might not be happy, but you can be grateful. Grateful that where you are is only temporary. Now you know what you want to change. Now, you can make that change.
Create The Life You Want
When you think about where you are, it is important to consider if your actions are holding you back. While you might not have control over everything, you have control over how you respond. When you respond with openness, you invite knowledge. When you respond with a positive mindset, you invite hope. When you respond with faith, you invite possibilities. By changing how you respond, you influence the outcome.
You can still have everything you want, but it might not happen when you want it. You might have a dream that you have been wanting for a long time. You might have a goal you have been working on. Whatever it is, it is coming at the right time. The right time is not always the time you want it. The right time is the time you are ready to receive it. It is important to prepare for the things you want.
I hope that wherever you are in life, you can say I am where I am supposed to be. I can change where I stay, and the things I want are coming at the right time.
This year has flown by fast, and while I look forward to the new year, I appreciate all that 2024 has taught me and given me. I hope with the new year approaching, you will take some time to reflect on this past year. The year 2024 has been transformative. I want to share how this year has helped me grow.
The Power Within
In the past, I felt powerless, but this year has helped me to see how strong I am. I am not strong because I can get through challenging things. I am strong because I realize that external things don’t have to dictate how powerful I feel. I focus on what I can control, and this is where my power lies. My power lies in my ability to shift my perspective, take action, and remain hopeful. Yes, this year has helped me to reclaim my power.
The Gift of Solitude
I spent most of this year alone. While I did experience loneliness at times, I also found great solace in dedicating time to my blog. Expressing my passions through writing has brought me joy while sharing insights with others has given me purpose. Solitude has also provided me with clarity about who I am and what I want. I now pursue life more intentionally, using quiet moments to set goals and reflect on my journey. This time has allowed me to evaluate my relationships and, more importantly, to embrace the gift of solitude.
Let Go of the Past, Keep the Lessons
This year has helped me to heal from the past. I have learned that how someone treats me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and not a reflection of my worth. I have learned that people have limitations that prevent them from showing up in a way that I need them. I have learned the importance of choosing people who align with my values. I have learned to be more open about my needs. I have learned to let go of unhelpful beliefs to move to a greater place. More importantly, I have learned that I am always worthy.
My Worth Is Innate
I have learned that my worth is internal and not external. It is not dependent on how someone treats me. It is not dependent on how I look, where I live, how much money I make, or how many friends I have. My worth is dependent on my ability to recognize it. I am worthwhile because I am a human being. I am worthy because I have a life. I am worthy, regardless of what others may think. As long as I live, I will be worthy.
Emotions Are Temporary
There were moments throughout the year when I felt sad, disappointed, and even anxious. Although it was hard to deal with these feelings, I knew what I felt was temporary. I recognized these emotions reminded me of what I wanted in my life. These emotions motivated me to change. Instead of judging my feelings, I allowed myself to sit with each emotion. As I began to process my emotions, I gained insight into what I could do differently. When I changed my actions, the way I felt changed. I felt happier because I made choices that aligned with my values.
Taking the Lessons into 2025
I am grateful for all the lessons this past year has taught me. I look forward to bringing these lessons into the new year. I do not know what 2025 holds, but I hope it does not fall short of amazing! This year brought lessons, and I hope next year will bring blessings. With the new year approaching, I invite you to reflect by answering the following questions:
I came across a quote that I liked. It says self-care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. You cannot afford to not take care of yourself. Like a car, neglect can lead to a breakdown. The role of self-care is to keep your tank full so that you can function at your highest capacity. A car cannot go far on an empty tank. Similarly, you can not be all you can be if you neglect yourself. I want to share some self-care practices I hope you can implement daily to keep your tank full.
Breathe
Self-care is not just about spending money on a massage. It is about engaging in activities that are inexpensive and beneficial to your well-being. It can start with taking a deep breath. When you take time to breathe, you give yourself the chance to pause. When you pause, you allow yourself to gain clarity. You also become fully present with yourself. While you take a deep breath, ask yourself what you need right now. By asking yourself this question, you make a conscious effort to meet your needs.
Journal
Another great way to check in with yourself is through journaling. When you have time alone, it is good to self-reflect, process your emotions and recognize patterns. Journaling is not only a valuable self-care practice, but it is also an excellent tool for self-discovery. Guided journals are very helpful for gaining insight into yourself. Knowing yourself is crucial in being able to meet your needs. You can also freely write about your day, what you are grateful for, or the goals you may want to achieve. Making journaling a part of your daily life is one of the best ways to stay connected with yourself.
Boundaries
If you want a better relationship with yourself, it starts with saying no. A “No” to others is a “Yes” to you. It’s great to be a giving person. But that doesn’t just apply to others. It applies to you. Allow yourself to say no to things you do not want to do. It might not be easy to do, but it is necessary to keep your tank full. Constantly giving to others without self-care can leave you depleted. You want to set boundaries with others to ensure you give from a full tank.
Nurture Your Body
Taking care of your physical health is a form of self-care. When you exercise, you care for your body. Exercising throughout the week helps you have more energy and improves your mood. Eating more fruits and vegetables can be another way to nurture your body. The Mediterranean diet can serve as a guide to help you make healthier eating choices. Last but not least, getting adequate sleep every day is essential in recharging your body.
Spiritual Practices
Self-care can also involve spending time in nature, praying, or meditating. These spiritual practices can be beneficial in helping you to stay connected to something bigger than yourself. Spending time in nature can improve mood. The next time you feel down, consider going for a ten-minute walk. Daily prayer can also help you to connect to God and provide inner peace and clarity. Lastly, meditation can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Although these are popular spiritual practices, there are many others you can explore.
Final Takeaway
I hope that now that you know what self-care looks like, you can start implementing these practices. Self-care is the best way to keep your tank full. Remember, self-care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. Make sure that you are making time to take care of yourself.
Many people fear being alone, but it can often be the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Life can get busy, and having some time to check in with you can be powerful and transformative. There is a chance for growth, healing, creativity, and clarity. I want to help you see how solitude can be a gift to you.
Solitude has helped me to grow
During this time in my life, I have more time to myself. I have time to self-reflect on my life and identify what is working for me and what is not working for me. This clarity has guided me to make choices that align with my values. I am more clear about what I want and willing to take action to get there. I also recognize what I need to work on and strive to improve. Through self-compassion, I have learned to give myself grace and challenge limiting beliefs. I recognized I had the power to change, and I could take one step at a time.
Solitude has been healing for me
The biggest lesson I have learned is that my worth is innate. Often, phrases like these can sound cliché, but it is a truth I am glad I discovered. I once believed my worth depended on others’ opinions and that I had to earn it, but now I know I do not have to work for it. My worth is already there, just waiting to be realized. When you know you are worthy, you feel more confident in who you are. This confidence allows you to pursue the life that you want.
Solitude has taught me that I deserve to be happy
Once I recognized my worth was innate, I felt more deserving of the life I wanted. As a result, I am more intentional about taking actions that align with my values. I challenge myself when I feel afraid because I know that pushing past the fear will help me get to where I want to be. I am not as hard on myself now because I believe I deserve to be happy. I prioritize my mental health, and I am willing to ask for help because I believe I deserve to be supported.
Solitude has helped me identify what my needs are
Being aware of my needs has helped me to evaluate my relationships. It made it easier to recognize relationships that no longer served me. It also helped me realize what needs were most important to me. I also learned the role I played in my needs going unmet. I did not communicate my needs consistently and chose people who could not meet my needs. I realized that I deserved to have my needs met and took actions that aligned with this belief.
Solitude helped me to be more intentional
Once I realized that I was the common denominator in all my relationships, I understood that the change I desired started with me. It began with me identifying my needs, wants, and dealbreakers. This information helped me to evaluate what relationships to pursue. I also recognized the importance of communicating my needs, asking questions, and having shared values. It was no longer enough to enjoy someone’s company. It was about identifying who I am compatible with and creating the foundation for long-lasting relationships.
Solitude taught me to trust myself
I was having a hard time making a decision about a new relationship. I met someone who had great qualities, but there was one dealbreaker. I knew I wanted to make new friends that were long-lasting and realized that it was best that I did not pursue the friendship. It was a difficult decision at the moment, but in the long run, it was the best decision. I look back on that day and realize that the peace I had in my decision was enough to know I did the right thing.
Solitude gives me time to be creative
I knew that there was more to life than what I was doing. I always wanted to start a blog but never considered myself creative enough. I decided that I would give it a try, and it has given me so much fulfillment. I enjoy creating content that can make a difference in people’s lives. I still do not consider myself creative, but I may need to challenge that belief. Writing is a creative process, and I take pride in sharing my passion with others.
The Gifts of Solitude
Solitude can be a gift. I have shared seven with you today. But I hope that by reading this, you can discover the gifts solitude has given you. To recap, here are the seven gifts of solitude I have found in my life.
The gift of growth
The gift of healing
The gift of happiness
The gift of knowledge
The gift of clarity
The gift of trust
The gift of creativity
The next time you are alone, I hope you can see it as a gift.
We all have dreams and goals that we want to achieve, but what if I told you the only person standing in between what you want is YOU. Self-sabotage is a common reason people don’t have the life they want. They find ways to sabotage what they desire. I want to help you identify ways you self-sabotage and help you to make choices that align with your values.
Signs of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage behavior refers to intentional action (or inaction) that undermines people’s progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals. Some signs of self-sabotage include:
Procrastination
Perfectionism
Not asking for help
Being inconsistent
Giving up prematurely
Not taking risks
Making excuses
Comparing yourself to others
Limiting beliefs
Ignoring red flags
Become Self-Aware
The purpose of creating this list is not to beat yourself up but to create awareness around your behaviors. You want to make sure your actions match what you desire. The first step is to recognize what behaviors contradict what you want. If you want a healthy relationship, consider ways your beliefs or behaviors undermine it. Do you ignore red flags? Do you make excuses for not putting yourself out there? Or do you believe you are unworthy of love? These questions can bring awareness to ways you self-sabotage.
Reasons You Self-Sabotage
Now that you can identify ways you self-sabotage, you might wonder why you do it. Here are some common reasons:
1. It Is Familiar
One reason we hold ourselves back is because it is familiar. For example, if you experience emotional neglect from your parents, you might find yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable people. You may want to be in a healthy relationship but ignore red flags. Your desire does not align with your action, and this is an example of self-sabotage.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Another reason people self-sabotage is because of low self-esteem. When you grow up as a child not getting your needs met, you might develop beliefs that you are not enough, there is something wrong with you, you can’t trust people, and you are unworthy of love. Although these beliefs are untrue, many people struggle to challenge them. When you do not challenge these beliefs, you allow them to get in the way of what you want.
3. Fear of Failure
Failure is only temporary when you do not give up. The fear of failure can hinder you from going after what you want. Perhaps you are eager to launch a business, yet anxiety holds you back. Or you want to go back to school for an advanced degree but dread the difficulty of the coursework. Avoiding challenges and shying away from risks is often a sign you are afraid to fail.
4. Perfectionism
Self-sabotage is often rooted in perfectionism. One sign that perfectionism may be an obstacle is the mindset of all-or-nothing thinking, where you believe there is only failure and success. This perspective leads to setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, which can hinder your ability to achieve your goals.
Make A Change
When you become aware, you have the power to change. Self-sabotage no longer has to get in the way of the dreams and goals you have for yourself. You can make choices that align with your values. It is not enough to want something. You must be willing to take action to get there. Consider the following questions:
What actions can I take to support my goals and desires?
What patterns of behaviors are preventing me from succeeding?
What beliefs do I need to challenge to feel worthy of success?
What values do I need to prioritize more in my life?
What is one choice I can make to achieve my goals?
What progress have I made to achieve my goals?
These questions can keep you in alignment with what you want.
In Summary
Self-sabotage is a common way we hold ourselves back, but the good news is that you can shift. You can make a change and have what you want. It starts with you. Believe you are worthy of what you want and make choices that align with your values.
If you believe you deserve everything you desire, why settle? People often settle due to fear, a scarcity mindset, low self-esteem, and the desire for instant gratification. Instead of settling, know that you are worthy of having what you want, have faith that what you want is possible, take action to get what you want, and wait for what you want to show up.
Fear of Change
One of the reasons that people settle is because of fear. Some people stay in relationships that are unhealthy because they are afraid of being alone. Some people remain at unfulfilling jobs because they are afraid of uncertainty. Some people do not follow their dreams because they are scared of failing. It is natural to fear change. But change is often needed to get to where you want to be. Instead of being afraid, have faith that what you want is possible. You can have better relationships. You can have a job that you love. You can fulfill your dreams.
Scarcity Mindset
A scarcity mindset might be another reason people settle. You might believe having something is better than having nothing. Settling for less than what you deserve only reinforces the belief that you are not worthy of what you want. Self-limiting beliefs prevent us from having what we want. It can also lead to disappointment and regret. Rather than having a scarcity mindset, develop an abundance mindset. There are enough opportunities to go around. No one can take away what belongs to you. If it is for you, you will receive it.
Low Self-Esteem
Another reason that people settle is because of low self-esteem. When someone has low self-esteem, they don’t believe they can have what they want. Subsequently, they accept less than they deserve because of their low self-worth. Your self-worth is innate. You are a human being, and that alone makes you worthy. Whether they are goals, dreams, relationships, or opportunities, remember that you are worthy of what you desire. Once you know you are worthy, have the patience to wait for what you want instead of accepting whatever shows up.
Instant Gratification
Instant gratification is another reason people settle. It might initially feel great to settle for a casual relationship instead of waiting for a deeper connection. It may initially feel great to stay at a job you are comfortable at instead of starting your own business. It may initially feel great to splurge on shopping instead of saving for a down payment on a house. The problem with instant gratification is that it only fulfills you in the short term. Instead, consider delayed gratification. Be willing to make decisions that are hard in the short term but pay off in the long run. It might take longer to fulfill a particular desire, but it is often worth the time and effort.
Final Thoughts
You might have a dream that you have been thinking about pursuing or desire for a fulfilling relationship. Whatever you want, know that you are worthy of having it, have faith that what you want is possible, take action, and wait for what you want to show up. Do not give into fear or impatience while pursuing your desires. What is for you is coming, and it is worth the wait.
