Category: Self Discovery

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You might be familiar with the saying, “Trust your intuition; it never lies.” However, some people may not recognize when their intuition is speaking or might hesitate to follow their gut. While having a strong sense of intuition is beneficial, trusting it can be challenging for some. To build that trust, focus on listening to your body, relying on your judgment, reflecting on past experiences, and following your instincts.

Listening to Your Body

One way to trust your intuition is by learning how it speaks to you. Intuition can speak through physical sensations. It can be a peace you feel when you are around the right person. Or it can be a sinking feeling in your stomach when something feels off. Other common physical sensations include tightness in your chest or goosebumps. When you recognize how intuition speaks to you, it is important to listen to it. Take time to scan your body for physical sensations so that you can identify the subtle cues your intuition is telling you. 

Unlocking Your Intuition

You may not feel comfortable trusting your intuition because it does not make logical sense. But intuition stems from the subconscious mind, not the conscious mind. People commonly rationalize a situation because they are afraid of trusting their gut. Or allow anxiety to cause them to overthink and overpower their inner knowledge. You may have dated someone who seems perfect on paper but did not feel at ease about moving forward with them. You might have reasoned with yourself by saying I don’t have a solid reason not to be with this person. But when you decide to give them a chance, you discover they are not a good fit for you.

Following Your Intuition

You may be able to recall a time you had a gut feeling about something but went against it. Our intuition usually comes with an inner knowing, but we don’t always follow it. It can also be a hesitation about something or someone. Or it can be a thought that comes out of nowhere. Reflecting on past experiences can help you identify how your intuition speaks to you and understand the value of following it. You may have accepted a job offer you were hesitant about and soon discover the work environment is toxic. In this situation, you recognize that trusting your gut could have prevented you from being in this situation. Instead of being hard on yourself, use this experience as a reason to follow your intuition.

While you may not always trust your gut, when you do, it often leads you to where you want to be. You may have trusted your gut to start your own business, and now you have a more fulfilling career. You might have felt a sense of inner peace about someone after your first date, and then two years later, you are married to them. Your intuition never lies, but anxiety can. It is crucial to distinguish between anxiety and intuition. Intuition is a clear message, while anxiety is a fear of the unknown.

Intuition can be challenging for some to identify or even trust. But there are ways that you can begin to trust your intuition. The way to do this is by listening to your body, trusting your judgment, reflecting on experiences, and following your intuition. As your trust in your intuition grows, you’ll discover that you make decisions with increased confidence and clarity.

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Expectations in a relationship can often lead to resentment when they go unmet. It is important to know how to manage our expectations to prevent us from feeling disappointed or resentful towards the people we are in relationships with. Instead, we can evaluate our expectations, communicate our needs, recognize people’s limitations, make agreements, let go of our expectations, and move towards what we want. 

Understand the Origins of Expectations

Managing our expectations can begin by understanding their origins. Many expectations arise from societal or familial influences. Others may stem from personal experiences. Recognizing the source of our expectations helps us assess how reasonable they are. Expecting respect, honesty, and support in relationships is reasonable. However, anticipating others to fulfill unexpressed needs is not. It’s also worth considering the flexibility of our expectations: are they negotiable or dealbreakers?

Communicate Your Needs

Resentment often arises from unmet expectations. It’s crucial to communicate our needs clearly to have them met, as others cannot provide what they are unaware we require. We may assume or expect others to know our needs, but rather than placing the burden on them, we should express our needs directly. Sharing the significance of these needs and how their fulfillment would impact us can be beneficial. By doing so, we can form agreements with others by requesting what we need and giving them the choice to agree.

Although we can express our needs to others, we cannot control whether the other person meets them. Everyone has limitations that might prevent them from fulfilling the needs of those they care about. A common barrier is a lack of awareness or understanding. If someone doesn’t know about your needs or how to satisfy them, consider providing specific ways that need can be met. Additionally, personal issues such as unresolved trauma can hinder someone’s ability to meet your needs until they have addressed their own.

Accept What You Cannot Change

Sometimes, improving our relationships involves letting go of our expectations of who we want someone to be and accepting them as they are. A single person may not fulfill all our needs, but do they satisfy most of our needs? Whether their inability to meet certain needs is a dealbreaker is up to you to determine. It’s about deciding what you’re willing to compromise on and what you’re not. This process often leads to the realization that the person may not be the best fit for you. Rather than expecting someone to fit your needs, it might be worth finding people capable of meeting your needs.

Know When to Move On

There may come a time when you decide to move on to fulfill your needs. We often expect our friend or significant other to meet these needs, but they may be unable or unwilling to do so. If communication has occurred and your needs remain unmet, this may indicate it’s time to end the relationship. Sometimes, letting go is in your best interest. We all deserve to have our needs met, and being open to letting go of unfulfilling relationships can lead you closer to what you desire. It opens the door for connections with those who can meet your needs.

Managing expectations is crucial because unmet expectations can result in disappointment. We can do this by evaluating our expectations, communicating our needs, recognizing people’s limitations, making agreements, letting go of our expectations, and moving towards what we want. We are all worth having our needs met. 

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Emotional intelligence is a great skill to have. We can increase our emotional intelligence by understanding ourselves and others. Individuals with high levels of emotional intelligence have these five components: empathy, social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation. These attributes often play a crucial role in fostering better relationships and enhancing overall well-being.

Understanding Empathy

Empathy is one of the components of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to understand the emotions and perspectives of others. We can exercise our empathy by listening to understand and not to respond. After they share their feelings or thoughts, repeat to them what you heard. Start your response with I heard you say and ask them if you heard them correctly. Often, you may not agree with their perspective. However, empathy is about seeking to understand. You may not have the same perspective, but putting yourself in their shoes makes it easier to understand their point of view.

Enhancing Social Skills

Social skills are another vital component of emotional intelligence. The way we communicate verbally and nonverbally shows our level of emotional intelligence. Non-verbal cues like eye contact, body language, and tone of voice are things to consider when communicating. Maintaining eye contact and open body language is a great way to create an environment for open communication. Social skills also encompass active listening. Listen to understand and ask open-ended questions to gain a better understanding. You want to not only be able to communicate your point but also hear the other person’s perspective.

Cultivating Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is an essential part of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to understand your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. It is also recognizing how our words and behaviors impact others. Self-awareness can be developed by asking for feedback. Often, we are not able to see what other people see. Feedback from others can give us insight into how we are perceived. Some feedback may not be easy to receive, but remaining open to it creates an opportunity to grow. You can also develop self-awareness through journaling, mindfulness, and self-reflection.

Mastering Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is at the heart of emotional intelligence. Some emotions may be more challenging, but knowing how to manage all emotions is a crucial part of self-regulation. Accepting how you feel can allow you to process your emotions. Reframe from judging your feelings. Instead, view your emotions as information and separate from who you are. Instead of saying I am sad. Say I am feeling sad, or I am experiencing sadness. It is also okay to take a break if your emotions become too intense or talk through emotions with a supportive friend.

Fostering Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is the final component of emotional intelligence. It refers to the internal desire to pursue activities or goals for enjoyment rather than external rewards. Intrinsic motivation has three key elements: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Self-motivation allows you to take initiative and find fulfillment in acquiring new knowledge. It also fosters personal growth, which can lead to self-actualization. You can increase motivation by celebrating small victories, setting clear goals, and finding purposeful work.

Emotional intelligence is a valuable skill that enhances well-being and fosters connections with the world. It comprises five components: empathy, social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation. Consider these components as you work to improve your emotional intelligence.

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Many individuals grapple with the question, “What is my purpose?” However, finding the answer can make life more fulfilling. You can discover your purpose by asking questions like Who am I? What are my strengths? What motivates me? What do I enjoy? Who inspires me? Answering these can guide you to the ultimate question: What is my purpose?

Step 1: Know Yourself

Knowing who you are is the first step to uncovering your purpose. When you know who you are, you know who you were born to be. I intentionally say be because your purpose is not about doing but rather being. Who you are goes beyond a role or occupation. It is about understanding what your values are. Identifying your top five values is a great starting point. When you know what you value, you can find your purpose more easily. Values give direction that leads you to where you want to be. 

Step 2: Identify Your Strengths

Another way to discover your purpose is by identifying your strengths. Whether big or small, your strengths can make a difference in the world. Take time to list your strengths and ask yourself how you can use these strengths to create purpose in your life. My strengths are my curiosity and compassion for others. I enjoy learning and sharing knowledge with others. Blogging has enabled me to leverage my strengths to create a positive impact. When we find enjoyment in doing the things we are good at, we can cultivate purpose. 

Step 3: Understand Your Motivations

We are all motivated by something, and understanding what drives you can lead you to take actions that align with your purpose. Reflecting on what brings you sadness or joy can also shed light on where your motivations are rooted. If injustice saddens you, perhaps advocacy for others could be your calling. Or maybe you feel happy giving back and find purpose in philanthropy.

Step 4: Find Inspiration in Role Models

Sometimes, your purpose reveals itself through inspiration. The people you admire can often help you realize who you want to be. I saw who I could be through Maya Angelou. I saw a woman with resilience, grace, wisdom, and confidence. I wanted to be the phenomenal woman she wrote about in her poem. She helped me to discover my purpose by living out her purpose. Having role models allows you to envision what is possible for yourself. Consider the people who inspire you and ask yourself what qualities resonate with you the most, and how can you find purpose in embodying these same qualities?

Unlocking Your Purpose

Everyone has a purpose, though finding it can be a challenge. Fortunately, the key to uncovering your purpose lies within. By gaining insight into your identity, recognizing your strengths, understanding your motivations, embracing what brings you joy, and identifying who inspires you, you can unlock the path to your purpose. Remember, your purpose lies in being you. 

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One personal challenge for me is perfectionism. The first time I was conscious of my perfectionism was in college. My friend was sitting next to me as I took notes. I had a habit of rewriting my notes to make them look perfect. My friend noticed I was about to erase something I had written and stopped me. I felt challenged, but it helped me understand things don’t always need to be perfect. We can overcome perfectionism by identifying the cause, challenging all-or-nothing thinking, focusing on progress, practicing self-compassion, and letting go of comparison.

Identifying the Root Cause

The first step to resolving a problem is identifying the cause of it. I remember my early childhood when my aunt would review my homework and mark all my mistakes with a red pen. It helped me to become more diligent, but it also led to me becoming a perfectionist. Even if there were a few errors, I would have to rewrite the whole thing. I internalized this experience and believed that my best wasn’t good enough. In college, I found myself rewriting notes not for study purposes but for visual appeal. I realized I was repeating a behavior I had learned from my aunt.

Letting Go of Comparisons

The way we can overcome perfectionism is by not comparing ourselves to others. Letting go of comparisons eliminates the need to measure up to another person’s standard. I would rewrite my notes because I wanted them like one of my classmates. One of my classmates had beautiful penmanship and color-coordinated her notes in different colors. I didn’t trust that my standard was good enough, so I created a standard that I believed was better. I wanted my notes to look aesthetically pleasing so it would take longer to make notes.

Shifting Focus from Perfection to Progress

Perfectionism often slows you down. Every time I rewrote my notes, it took time away from studying. The best way to deal with perfectionism is by focusing on making progress. I had to shift from focusing on the aesthetic of notes to creating notes that helped me understand the material of a class. I challenged the all-or-nothing thinking that only perfection was acceptable. Through self-compassion, I recognize that I am unique and my best is enough. I learned to accept myself as is and not strive to be worthy through perfection but recognize I am already worthy.

Embracing Your Worth

I may have recognized my perfectionism in college, but it started in childhood. Often, we need to revisit our early childhood experiences to identify behaviors we need to unlearn. The first step to overcoming perfectionism is to identify the root cause. Then, we can challenge our beliefs through self-compassion. Instead of focusing on perfection, we shift to progress. Lastly, we unlearn the belief that we are not good enough by not comparing ourselves to others. Our worth lies in who you are, not in who you think you should be. I hope your takeaway is that you don’t need to be perfect to be enough. You are enough as you are.

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There is a popular book called 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin. I found this list to help me focus on ways I can become more mentally strong, and I hope that sharing it will have the same impact on you. Here are thirteen behaviors that mentally strong people avoid. By avoiding these behaviors, you can feel more in control of your life no matter what is going on externally.

They Don’t Engage in Self-Pity

Feeling sad over a painful experience is natural, yet wallowing in self-pity can strip us of our power. Life inevitably has pain, but our reaction to it is a choice. Choose self-compassion over self-pity. Acknowledge your pain, but don’t let it become your identity.

They Don’t Live in the Past

Clinging to pain hinders progress. Focusing on the lessons learned allows us to move beyond the hurt. Gaining wisdom from past experiences can help us to make better choices for the future.

They Don’t Give Their Power Away

Blaming others for your emotions gives away your power. It’s up to you to regulate your feelings. By owning your emotions, you empower yourself.

They Don’t People Please

People pleasing is often a sign of poor boundaries and a defense mechanism to keep people from being upset. Consider saying no to things you don’t want to do.

They Don’t Focus on Things They Can’t Control

Although there are many things you cannot change, there are things that you can change and even influence. Focusing more on what you can change empowers you to take action.

They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Solitude offers a valuable opportunity for personal growth. Taking time to be alone with our thoughts enables us to reflect on our feelings and achieve greater clarity. Adopting a self-care practice such as journaling can be a great way to monitor your thoughts and emotions.

They Don’t Avoid Change

Change can often be challenging, but embracing it allows us to grow. Moments of discomfort can lead us to the best version of ourselves.

They Don’t Avoid Taking Risks

Fear can often prevent us from taking risks. Although scary, a risk can lead to a great reward. Consider taking small risks to get more comfortable with big risks.

They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes

Part of being human is making mistakes. Mistakes do not define us. They are opportunities to learn what we can do differently.

They Don’t Rely on Instant Gratification

It is common to have goals, but it takes time to achieve them. Instead of focusing on the outcome, enjoy the process. Put forth your best effort and remain patient. 

They Don’t Feel Entitled

When we have the belief that the world owes us, we run the risk of being disappointed. Develop an internal locus of control. Consider the actions you can take to achieve your goals.

They Don’t Envy People’s Sucess

Jealousy is a natural emotion, yet it can become harmful without self-awareness. Rather than feeling threatened by another’s achievements, let them inspire you. The success of others can serve as a motivation for what you can achieve.

They Don’t Give Up Easily

Failure is only permanent when we give up. When we push through setbacks, we pave the way to success.

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You may have heard the saying, “maturity comes with age,” but emotional maturity extends beyond reaching a certain age. It involves effectively managing emotions and navigating life’s challenges. Emotionally mature individuals can recognize and share their emotions, demonstrate flexibility and open-mindedness, take accountability for their actions, resolve conflicts, and handle stress in healthy ways.

Understanding Your Emotions

Emotional maturity is having the ability to recognize and share emotions. It can be helpful to know when you feel overwhelmed because that allows you to know when to take a break. Our emotions are a signal that we can either ignore or respond to. Being able to recognize your emotions can help prevent you from reacting. You may even find it helpful to communicate what you feel stressed about so that people are aware. An example of this is communicating with your boss when you feel overwhelmed. Informing your boss about your feelings creates an opportunity for support and mutual understanding.

Being Adaptable

Emotionally mature individuals often demonstrate flexibility and open-mindedness. Life can be unpredictable, but these qualities enable us to adapt more effectively to unexpected circumstances. If the train gets delayed, you might consider exploring alternative transportation options. You might even use the time to read or listen to music while waiting for the train. Another way to exhibit flexibility is by being open to perspectives that differ from your own. When a friend disagrees with you, instead of getting upset, try to be curious about why they have a different opinion. This approach can help you understand their point of view. Being open to a different perspective allows you to learn something new.

Taking Accountability

Individuals who take accountability for their actions demonstrate greater emotional maturity than those who do not. As humans, we may unintentionally hurt the feelings of those we care about. We display maturity by taking accountability and expressing regret for our actions. It is also crucial to recognize that making a mistake does not define one’s character. We all fall short of perfection, and this is normal and acceptable. How we respond to our mistakes reveals our true character. Viewing mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than reflections of our self-worth showcases emotional maturity. Apologizing sincerely for causing hurt and taking measures to prevent repeating the same mistake further exemplify emotional maturity.

Great at Conflict Resolution

Conflict is normal, and resolving it requires emotional maturity. Demonstrating maturity involves listening, being empathetic, remaining calm, seeking understanding, and finding solutions. Good listeners can understand others’ perspectives and use “I” statements to take responsibility and avoid blame, which helps reduce defensiveness. Emotionally mature people also know how to disengage when the conversation gets heated. They are great at addressing aggression or manipulation with the person in a respectful manner. Setting boundaries is another effective way to resolve conflicts. Communicating your boundaries lets others know your needs and limitations, which is crucial for maintaining harmony in relationships.

Healthy Stress Management

The way we manage stress can also indicate our level of emotional maturity. Life can be stressful, but there are healthy ways to cope during these times. When overwhelmed, your body releases cortisol, a stress hormone. An emotionally mature person listens to their body. They engage in physical activity such as yoga, walking, or dancing to relieve stress. They take breaks throughout the day to prevent burnout. They practice deep breathing to stay present and respond to what is happening. More importantly, they are not afraid to ask for help because they recognize that they need it.

Emotional maturity is not necessarily something that comes with age. It is a quality that can be cultivated at any stage of life. It is never too late to become an emotionally mature person. Individuals who can recognize and share their emotions, demonstrate flexibility and open-mindedness, take accountability for their actions, resolve conflicts, and handle stress are emotionally mature.